THE WINTER OF THE FAMILY OF DISCONTENT

Fear.

That is what I fear the most.

But fear is something that is meant to be a warning to us .. except that .. is not always the case. Not in my case at any rate.

In my case any one single fear can be too much. That is one problem.

Fear of things that you should not be frightened of .. things that .. you never used to be frightened of .. things that are .. well to put it plainly .. stupid.

I cannot describe how frustrating this is when it is not taking place.

I cannot describe how painful this is when it does.

Now imagine a long list of things?

One thing. That is all it would take to ease all of this .. just one thing.

This could be an email or a letter .. it could come as a phone-call.

It could from a family member and be about the remainder of the inheritance that was stolen from us all?

It could be from a solicitor stating that my PIP is getting reinstated?

It could be from the DWP themselves telling me they re reinstating the living component .. though this would only be  short term measure but enough time to get everything else sorted out .. with any luck?

It could be something else form the DWP .. an apology that they lied to me and cheated me .. claiming they did not realise .. well for one specific occasion. Reinstating the NEA payments they promised for 13 weeks?

Any of this and more only helps me to help others and primarily my family.

Alternatively I could hear something from the other adult among the family I find myself trying to help 24 hours a day 7 days a week.

Extra money for the fact that there are two Autistic children out of four .. something that is fairly rare though we did read about some poor parent that had three autistic children!

A proper place that is suitable for all four children and preferably out of the area altogether.

Judging fro what I am hearing the area is on the verge of collapse .. after hearing about a taxi driver telling us that he and a lod of other taxi drivers are leaving Birkenhead altogether because they are getting no fares and therefore .. no money.

It could be the offer of proper schooling for the two autistic ones along with provisions, one way or another, for the things required to make things less demanding on us.

But it is still the other issues tat are bothering .. probably the most of all and have rising steadily to the top of the primary tree .. because of the tests for cancer and the reactions of all involved within the health service.

I tend to know professional people only too well and the only reasons they react in the way that they have is either it is something serious .. or they are covering themselves because they think they missed something. Either way it is not good and has us on edge.

That brings with it a possible inevitability and one that has to be thought about .. because there are no less than four children's futures at stake.

That .. is .. the most petrifying.

That has now been made worse by reading that the government does not offer much in the way of help for sole carers of children that are related. Grandparents or Uncles and Aunties for instance.

It is simply staggering for a country that likes to act to the rest of the world as if they are the greatest things since the proverbial sliced bread.

I was writing this as a Family Support Worker was visiting. Seems like another OK guy, a bit like the Health Visitor who we are now presented with a book by, Jacky or Jackie Fleming I think is her name?

He has now gone and while were were both smoking .. yeah try quitting when you have what we have going on and I did quit before for three years, we finally found out something from the hospital.

They also stated that she would need treatment. Hence why she has not been discharged but then I was pretty convinced that she would. The worry was and still is how .. dangerous this turns out to be.

There is yet another clinical meeting and the words 'high grade' and 'lesion' have been mentioned and therefore we have yet another long agonizing wait. Around three weeks by the sound of it.

Now I have to go and look up with this all means ..

Hmm does not really tell us much more than we already know?

Back to the never ending waiting game I guess?

Fully expecting the treatment to mean 'excision'.

Now we just have to get through Christmas and the New Year and maybe .. a move to a new house?

I pray to God the new house makes life .. easier .. even if it is just a little .. keeping children out of kitchen and away form the foods will certainly be a lot easier.

Away from each other in their rooms will be, or should be .. a lot easier.

DEATH FROM A THOUSAND CUTS

You just can't seem to go a day without the public services doing something stupid. At least that's how it used to be. The government obviously was not content with that.

Today my daughter attended her fourth meeting to do with all the strife of recent events. So this would involve the domestic violence and the fact that she has four children to contend with and get to schools at different times.

Bearing in mind two them are autistic and that the older of these is having an ever increasing amount of major meltdowns. Communication is not too great either. We petrified add were told this will get worse plus the younger one is starting to have her meltdowns and before long she will catch up to the older one with intensity and frequency. God only knows where the older one will be by then?!

And to think the second oldest boy is a problem too .. half of the time. Didn't listen, is crafty, lies through his teeth to get what he wants and does dangerous things that the autistic ones are bound to copy leading you to fear that they will do something, like electric themselves for one.

They all get through a useless child gate .. hell themselves to whatever for they can get their hands on and throw the rest.

The older one has shown signs of moods too, who was otherwise not much bother so maybe early puberty?!

Yeah so without the scare of the 'C' word hanging over us currently there is the fact that we both suffer with the same disability but that carries a danger in itself to each of us. Just different dangers. 

Blood clots and heart problems.

Yeah .. so the meeting was regarding a family of six, four which have bad health issues.

Oh did I mention the domestic violence which has led to a historical court case?

Yeah .. well .. for the third time in a row now the social worker, no one from the council and victim support woman all failed to turn up!

The health visitor did so as she normally does, getting angry about them last time and taking my daughter for a latte afterwards. As did the Independent Review Officer who herself wasn't impressed. 

That was the second time in a row.

So would it surprise you to discover that just today they all failed to turn up yet again from Wirral Council and Victim Support?

This did not go down well with the Independent Review Officer and my daughter was impressed with her reaction to the no shows.

Now I'm not cynical. I've just been at this long enough to know that not only can you not trust anyone but you also cannot find anyone to actually and genuinely help.

In other words I hope that the Independent Review Officer is just in on the charade to keep my daughter happy and stop her from approaching the tabloids or TV news groups, not that they are guaranteed to cover a top news story anyway. What with my positive on that and my willing to bet they are pretty accurate to boot.

The .. IRO was going crazy and decided to totally ignore council staff when they said "hello" to them. She said something about my daughter and her children not getting anything in the way of support from authorities. She became angrier still when she learned my daughter was witness to two crimes with one being a murder where she tried to help save the guys life. They thought they had until he died the days or so later.

So then .. twice in one day? Well .... No!

Upon arriving home with the children, the older two while I looked after the younger two with one having a constant meltdown, she told me that the Job Centre had just for her friends that they have her their benefits stopped and weight be getting any money until after Christmas?!

First off this is this Universal Credit bollocks, apparently, and secondly .. this could have a five year old little girl. It gets better as the father has her anxiety issues, I've witnessed this, and added to all that the mother is .. pregnant!!

My daughter said to me that the Job Centre have asked her in to talk to her .. this Thursday and she is panicking now that they will say the same to her?! She said if they tell her the same thing she will "kick off".

She also stated that if this is what's coming it's going to go off around here. I think I'm going to be needing a camera before very long?!

Though familiar with the phrase I used for the title of this post, Death From A Thousand Cuts, it was mentioned to me recently by a GP when describing what life is like being a GP today under the NHS.

After hearing first the failure of so-called professionals who are also supposed to be so-called servants of the people and then what they may well be about to do to the locals around here, as well as Humberside/Grimsby, I'm wondering if I was meant to be here for more reasons than one?

Life in the UK truly is becoming akin to that of a form of capital punishment and torture practised in China pre-1905 and introduced around the tenth century?!

I first off simply cannot believe the inhumanity of it all and secondly and just as shocking add the first .. that the fucking corrupt news media are not nor have not covered this at all.

Extremely bad journalistic research?

Ignoring the thousands of people that must be emailing them or writing to them?

Ignoring them because they have been ordered to do so by their bosses or owners?

In which case, complicit in the murder of tens or hundreds of thousands of people, it's far from over yet, to save the wealthiest some pocket money due their next Ferrari?!

Those history books I repeatedly refer to cannot be published fast enough. I just hope I just love long enough to actually read them and witness the reaction of the wider public.

In fact I very much long to see the reaction of the wider public when the truth is finally realised and I get to see whether or not we are truly an amoral nation, and how we become one. Or if we still have some values left in what was once a stand together nation of strong Christian values?

Hopefully not too much time will pass before I can tell?