TO BE MOVED BY EMOTIONS

I am always taking about how some people just … get things wrong or cannot see the wood for the trees.

For quite some time now I have been hooked on movie trailer reactions on YouTube and I never thought that was possible.

In the last 6 months to a year I have been hooked on this bizarre phenomenon many things have occurred to me.

First off I seem to get a lump in my throat when I see the joy and happiness others experience and bear in mind this has only been occurring for a year despite the fact my blogs have been going for almost 4.5 years now.

Secondly I see a lot of people trying to get in on doing trailer reactions themselves, probably noticing how popular they are, ,and … doing it wrong. Sometimes very, very .. WRONG!

LOL!

I started to think a couple of months ago it might be a good idea to do a little piece about this?

I have now decided to do this and point out where people go wrong and the different ways that they do. So if any are scratching there heads as to why they have amassed a lot of dislikes these are the reasons why. Though admittedly a fraction of people that dislike are moronic fanboys and think you SHOULD have got excited because they did. Obviously not taking into account that the reactors … reacting might not like movies like this.

I cannot actually type this piece out without mentioning two very recent trailers that have to be the best I have ever seen. One for a game and one for a movie..

The Last Of Us Part II

and …

Logan

Reaction Mistakes

A trailer of all highlights lasting just a couple of minutes ...

Talking to someone therefore missing highlights and not reacting

#Facepalm

Talking to camera therefore missing highlights and not reacting

#Facepalm

Asking questions to a camera that is not going to answer and therefore missing highlights and therefore not reacting

#Facepalm

Asking questions of someone sitting next you that cannot possibly know, therefore missing highlights and therefore not reacting

#Facepalm

One starting to effing type half way through trailer!

#Doublefacepalm

Making stupid errors about telling X23, 11 year old girl in Logan trailer, it is not OK to steal then stealing when he clearly meant NOT KILLING

#Doublefacepalm

Stuffing your face with ice cream and/or drinking?!

#Doublefacepalm

Complaining about stealing crisps and a drink in a movie trailer when it is clear to many that she was X23 was created and raised in a cage like an animals and does not even know what CURRENCY is

#Doublefacepalm

Narration when we have already seen it and they are showing the effing trailer anyway.

Then there are the ones that simply do not react at all until the end and even then sometimes there are still no reactions?! Why? Why are you making them? Do you not watch through your videos to see that you do not react?

But when they are good they are … damned good.

I found myself shocked that as they each showed their emotions in turn I could feel it too. I could not get enough of them though mainly in the things I was interested in. Until The Last Of Us Part II game trailer appeared.

Due to my very long history with computer games going back, albeit on and off, to the Commodore VIC-20 I was always interested in games companies that got a lot of respect and praise out of people. One of the companies I was very interested in was Bethesda when I built a gaming PC a couple of years back. But it had not gone unnoticed regarding the titles of Uncharted and The Last Of Us and was disappointed to see they were Playstation exclusives and never were released for the PC platform.

Then The Last Of Us Part II reactions started to appear in my recommended videos so I thought I would take a look?

I was blown away by the trailer on a number of levels with the main ones being impressed and emotional.

It had become like a drug and I would trawl YouTube looking for as many reactions as I could even before Logan and The Last Of Us Part II.

I had initially started out being interested in what nerds and geeks thought of comic book movies as I loved these too but I had issues with some that were disappointing.

Some reactions sparked something in me.

Before long I was hooked!

As I watched video after video I would gradually realise a few things and one was how people had become emotionally invested in characters of films but with The Last Of Us I realised people had become equally invested in these characters too in certain titles.

It was extremely gratifying to realise we had gotten to this level in computer, sorry video, games.

I also found it quite odd that they, and I of course, could get so invested in fictional characters and wondered if people were more prone to investing in the world of fiction than they would in reality?

For example could a large percentage of any populace get emotionally invested in any particular individual character that had gone to great lengths and strived to do good for every person they could for many a year?

This may not be the case in any single and seemingly minor case but what if there were many and some were very serious?

What if someone had not only sacrificed so much along the way but was forced to lose so much by outside influences too?

What about risking their lives too? Their liberty? Pressures put upon them to the point they had nervous breakdowns and were suicidal? Repeatedly?

I have had emotions due to investing in characters and long, long, long before I discovered reaction videos and it is the reason why I started to help people and then start some blogs to help even more people. Watching the emotions of others in these reaction videos simply reminded me of why I did the things I did and why I do the things that I do and why I will continue to do things for the foreseeable future.

I know a lot of people are unhappy. I know there are many that are very, very sad and even ones that live in mortal fear.

I wanted to help them reach the happy emotions that I witness regularly in these reaction videos and I was merely shown what it is I want to enrich people's lives with.

Before any of this I strived for could be achieved I simply had to reveal what was first wrong because you can only fix the wrongs in the world if you know they are there so start with.

I was also well aware that from the start of the financial crises the number of people whose lives would turn to shit and therefore so would there emotions was increasing exponentially and I pretty much figured that this would not be covered on mainstream TV or news.

There were a few people that thought I had the right combination of intelligence, wisdom, caring and foresight to first how the wrongs in society and then help put them right. I was never really sure of myself over this and therefore did not have a great deal of confidence.

This confidence has risen up as well as fallen down just like that of waves approaching a beach and it has been a rough ride.

There has been a change that will have a positive knock on effect and some might have picked up on that over the past couple of weeks. But everything is a mystery right now and a I can say is that there is something I should have been informed about two weeks ago and it has now gone almost three weeks what should have taken 48 hours to achieve.

When these changes happen, and they will as it is inevitable and it cannot possibly be stopped by outside influences as has happened with another endeavour, big things will happen.

The things that will happen could be a dozen or several dozen and these will have me busy for a year or two and all resulting in content in the way of videos and pictures for all of my blogs and YouTube channel … and then some.

I have written, or mostly written, a series I have called 'Revelations' because each of the five or six in the series is a revelation.

Now combined … they will blow people's minds regarding what went on for me during 2016 and why it turned out to be a bad year. A very bad year.

As well as realising just how bad 2016 turned out to be, from the bloody good year I had predicted 2016 to be throughout 2015, something else will realised. By the end of the 5 or 6 part series that will end by the end of February to mid March it will be clear that the years of 2017 and 2018 are going to be … to quote an old friend, phenomenal.

I have a lump in my throat realising that over the next year or two I can reach and teach and therefore help so many people it will make my head spin and then some.

If and when I do help an extremely large amount of people … if I ever got … evidence of that … well I just do not know how high my emotions will run?! I do have a history of passing out due to medical complications so anything would be possible. Lol.

I guess I always wanted to be a hero deep down, in an extremely short and simple way of describing what I do, because I guess that is what someone who is being a hero does? Lifts the feelings of people to ever higher levels. To be a real hero you would have to help a hell of a lot of people in my estimation.

Many called me a saint long before I even thought of starting a blog. But to be a real saint you would first have to perform a number of miracles and I am sure this is listed somewhere? However being a true saint you would have to be religious, which I am not. So I would never really be a saint and only ever in some people's eyes. Probably. Well yeah I have been called a saint by a reader of my blogs. I was also praised by a Pastor I helped so … lol, maybe I actually took a big step closer to being a saint when I did that?

Soo here are a few of the reactions that really gave me a large lump in my throat and once again helping people by getting those with genuine feelings some hits on their YouTube reaction videos …

Before all the YouTube video reactions are listed I will simply say this … I have never owned one of these slabs of plastic but after seeing The Last Of Us Part II I find myself very much wanting to buy a Playstation 4 Pro!!

The Last Of Us Part II …

Well no matter how hard I tried and all the different search strings possible for searching on YouTube I simply could not find the video reaction to The Last Of Us Part II that was my favourite by a ten mile stretch. A lady, looking a little Spanish, who had her hands together over her mouth and nose and cried through over 50% of the trailer. Either she removed it, likely amoral morons poking fun, or Google have forgotten what an algorithm is. Or maybe they never did? I would not mind but I had watched this video three times and it was always being bloody recommended to watch again!

Logan …

last one ... "she is a murderer" yeah well when you have super strength and claws your not going to spend your time tickling your cat's belly, lol ...

I get inspiration from heightened emotions from both films and music .. which means ideas ... ;)

It matters not where in the world you go ... the emotions and investment are the same ... trust me on this as I have seen hundreds of each of Logan and The Last Of Us Part II reactions alone.

YET MORE CURVE BALLS

I have an extremely powerful headache!

Any movement of my head and it is as if someone is beating me with a baseball bat.

I am also down ... though I have realised I had not taken my pills but it is not that late to make a difference and I am not sure that any that I do take do even make a difference. I have forgotten them before for a day.

I say this because I am feeling incredibly low.

I have just found out that there has been a second still birth in the family in as many years and hearing news like that does not help. Same person affected too.

I have also just come across some other information I did not really want to and I was not feeling good anyway.

How in the world do these things happen?

I have had another family member upset about the way things are going for them and was on the phone crying just a coupe of nights back. In fact at one point I stated that my family does not have a great deal of luck. I get told that night that one family member is expecting a baby and is five months pregnant and two days later I get told that they have sadly lost the baby.

At the same time I am looking over lists and lists and lists of jobs that I think I cannot do, have searches for part time jobs come up with full time jobs and looking at volunteer work where they want you to supply your own car and/or tools for the jobs that you will do?! What?!

Ooh boy this is just too much.

I feel like I am nose-diving again only this time with this very intense headache that is throbbing like crazy and making me wince.

I have a busy two days and then have to see a damn Jobcoach again. Holy mother of God I could never realise things could be so bad ... or so painful.

I also have a concern that I will voluntarily offer my skills but that I will be treated as if it was a paid job and that whoever I work for will not be appreciative of the fact that I am offering my services for free. Well I have this damned memory issue and I am worried it will force me to make mistakes that will not technically be my fault.

I have also ran out of tea bags too and finding it hard to get motivated to get some, with with this killer headache and downward spiralling mood.

Every other paragraph I am clutching the back of my neck from the intensity of the pain I am feeling right now. I also cannot help but think about that damned MRI result on my head I have not had yet and wondering if it has something to do with that? The one thing I was not getting much of and have not really had much of for a long time is headaches. But this one is a doozey and seems to be making up for lost time?!

I would not mind but it is not even in the forefront of my mind right now. I keep telling myself that in a few days it will all look different. But one thing I thought might change now looks highly unlikely due to some news I stumbled across.

There is still the meetings I will have over the next two days and another next week and there is this other organisation I contacted I will be expecting an answer from too.

Oh God, the bloody pounding!

EVen when I stopped and thought about what it must be like for my family members to lose another child ... bang-bang-bang goes my head.

Another family member has just had her first child and that situation is a mess I do not envy, though I slightly went through similar things many years ago. Arguably worse and that still haunt me to this day. In more ways than one.

Unless this headache eases off I think I will have to forego drinking tea ... oh and food as I do not have any and not eaten much lately anyway.

Oh yeah and my damn weight is plummeting ... my currently worn trousers did not fit me 6 weeks or so ago and are now hanging on me.

Perhaps that is why my head is throbbing in pain? Maybe the human mind can only take so much before something gives way? Snaps for one and pain for another?

I keep squeezing the back of my neck really hard, it gives me temporary respite but as soon as I let go and move my head .... BAM!

Called up the Universal Credit phone number about an advance and about this letter on Saturday that stated they were still waiting evidence, despite being told Thursday it had all gone through. What happened? I was told first off that I am being charged for the call, so what happened with the free phone numbers they introduced a few years back? Then I was told "Sorry, the system is down, Call us back in a couple of hours".

Oh ... my ... God!

It seems like everything everywhere is falling apart and my mind along with it?!

How can it look like there is a way out one minute and then completely fecked the next? I would not mind so much if it was something I had done.

If I can just get through the next eight or so days, hopefully there will be a light at the end of the tunnel? Only problem is I am actually traversing what seems like several tunnels at once.

Typical that the volunteer work asking you to provide your own tools was linked to the local council, just typical that is.

I do not mind doing volunteer work to help people but not when its a large multi-million spending organisation that simply squanders people's taxes. That was gardening.

I am applying for positions of Mentor and organisations that help people, like carer organisations. I have a wealth of experience, bad luck and horror stories not to mention dealing with a disability when your being kicked in the gonads. So I figured it might be right up my alley?

THE CALL OF THE MOUNTAIN KING

Suffering.

That is what it has been feeling like of late. Even just the new job of looking for a … job.

Sometimes I just do not … think.

But then that is one of my primary problems.

Sometimes it can take me a while … but I normally get there eventually.

This morning the rain patted the windows and thoughts of freedom were limited and the sands of time running dry before my eyes.

I turned to the task of finding a part time … vocation. Many things I had seen would not really lead me anywhere of note or that would suit me. Finding things close to hand also looked impossible and even a strange look from my new Jobcoach forced me to ask myself if he thought the task impossible? Or even the wrong conclusion that I was not really interested? Or perhaps he had seen or may … be … read something that made him realise that any new … vocation forced upon me would lie not last long or perhaps even backfire?

Perhaps Jobcoaches just have other distractions on occasion?

So I plundered through bob title after job title and detail after little detail. The strange things is I do not even know how it came about, whether I did a search … umm, no, ,or come across a webpage purely by chance? But I did come across a webpage that peaked my interest and would solve all my current problems … well most of them,, in one fell swoop. It may even turn out to do a great deal more than that … once I got thinking and once I spotted a couple of roles that were advertised.

Jesus. Why did I not think of this before?! Well … I kind of … did! But I obviously never gave it enough thought.

So here is a clue … why don't I … just do what I have already been doing already for bloody years?! LOL!

Stay with me here …

For the last four years plus now I have been writing and blogging and in so doing I had intentions of helping others.

So why don't I just do that?

But, I hear many now saying, you have to go look for a job because of this Universal Credit and jobmatch thing?! Well who says it cannot be a job? Especially when you ..

VOLUNTEER!

I am such … an idiot!

I saw this role that included meeting people who have things on their mind or issues of one kind or another. It basically stated that anyone that has a lot of experience can use this to help advise others.

If there is one thing I have from dark periods to bereavements and even to studying all the way to a BSc Degree and even stupidly turning down a Doctorate that is one thing I have in spades.

Added to that is my extremely long list of interests to which I not only have a great idea of knowledge in but that which I ccan get or encourage others into as a way of finding a distraction. I possess knowledge that spans several areas of the animals kingdom, astronomy, astrophysics, quantum mechanics, botany and orchids and carnivorous plants especially, kung fu, cycling, computers, technology, photography and many others besides.

As I read this paragraph it was almost as if a flagpole emerged from my head, raised ever so slowly up until it caught a breeze and a flag unfurled revealing a light bulb.

It was like a calling!

There is a slight delay as the web-page seems to be taking awhile to register me and … well it wont let me do a damn thing until it seems me an email with a confirmation link, well it has to be that.

There was even one I could do from home … though I am not sure I want to be stuck indoors … so I may end up registering for two different positions?

Whatever it is that is troubling people I can explain to them what I have done and I can even show them! Even if it about the state of the country or the world I can show them that there are people or groups endeavouring to do something about it. To bring about change. Even if it is a little bit at at time.

Dumb, dumb, dumb. I am staggered that in the last four years plus that I never thought about this before. It would give me something to do and hopefully something to get me out of the house and I can actually help others.

Trumpets started to ring out and sound all around me as I stumbled upon this realisation and suddenly things look … different. Things feel different.

Where IS that damn email? Still not there.

Of course this course could lead to other pathways? The possibilities are, I am not going to say it, many.

It did occur to me that with others that may be in a similar predicament that instead of being forced into somewhere you do not like, not suitable or bloody far away from where you live it might be an idea for you? You can see something you like, close by and it may lead to other things?

There were … couple I could not apply for … due to me and these organisations having something of a … history! Lol. The very sight of my name is liable to cause the paper they read it on, CV or computer to burst into flames of fire and brimstone. Putting it mildly, lol.

That, umm, applied to some of the jobs I saw advertised too! I was like 'Oh who is that for? OH! Yeah … no! They would probably ask me in for an interview just so that could hiss and spit at me like an angry cat?!' Well … you shouldn't tell lies to your customers or the public in general. You shouldn't do it for those that you work for either. Hmm something else that will not get ma many jobs or fired from them in no time at all. Probably?

Interested to see where this path leads me to. I am actually genuinely interested in this one and the very idea that I have several to choose from that are actually reachable without nigh on killing me slowly or quickly over time.

Oh where the sands of time will travel? If issues are held together and the path trodden the destinations sought can be assured and perhaps sped up?

Those trumpets are now accompanied by the voices of angels whose notes soar like Swifts chasing down flies while but a glimmer in the distance of a clear sky.

For the briefest of moments the autumn becomes the summer again and one we barely had.

The thought if this had occurred a year ago was met with realisation that a year ago many other things were ongoing. For the most of 2015 and this year of 2016 this occurring to me would have been .. difficult. To say the least.

Now the question remains is whether or not the DWP and Jobcoach are happy with volunteer work or their latest drive to get people off benefits and save money does not allow room for volunteering? Nothing would surprise me at this stage.

I have never been as eager to register as I am now and nor has it ever taken as long!

Typical, it is probably the only registration in history, or that I have applied to,, that is bloody manual and will not be done until tomorrow?!

Probably about the same time the reply email from the Jobcoach will state that volunteer work does not count? Lol.

The mists of time have become murky of late and still hold many secrets that insist on hiding from view. These could decide to show themselves in the ever lengthening weeks or could still remain doggedly hidden.

Oh what difference there would be with the benefit of a little foresight? Something akin to an ocean as expansive as that of the Pacific. Or perhaps the boredom and meanderings of a chess grandmaster that is yet to reveal themselves?

You simply have no other choice other choice than that to … play the game.

Upwards I am ever climbing following that of a distant sound as if my name echoed out there in the darkness? Beckoning me onwards and upwards. Like a mountain it continues on only seemingly endless. Perhaps a hall awaits me at the top that is littered with answers? Perhaps a doorway to some other worldly place and my next and more peaceful destination? Maybe an area to wash away my sins, troubles and memories so sore in thought? Would I gaze upon all that which I leave behind or continue on without a second thought? One my many questions I have so desired the answers to.

Like the beating of a drum my heart races with yearning. Scouring every corner for the answers I desire and seeking out signs of the changes I seek. The path winds ever on gradually fading into the mists atop the mountain before me.

One foot and then the other ever onwards, ever upwards.

THE REPORTS OF THE SEVEN

Ugh. Annoying day.

Cannot find the drive to go out and do things when the only things to do are mundane, despite needing to do two things.

I have my letter from Mind in Enfield … my God those poor people must be inundated and I am intrigued enough to bring up the subject with them when I meet with them .. which is in September and around 7 or 8 weeks away. Has they become busy in recent years due to the way things are for instance?

Told you they are busy.

I was a bit shocked and I thought they had written the date wrong .. or that my bumbling confusion with using my feet and typing had spread to my head. If you did not know I am actually being factual and have a number of symptoms that can be linked to a not very good condition. If that is not enough there is also another two places they are going to look at and one sounds like a certain surgical procedure, according to my GP, and the other .. could be bad but not as bad as my first appointment.

So there sounds like several major things going on right?

Well add to that the DWP being the utter cold-hearted bastards and liars that they are decided to single me out just as all this was happening. This could have a knock on effect that could also leave me homeless, believe it or not.

Two medical issues, starving to death, going out of my mind crazy and perhaps becoming homeless all at the same time?

Well it is not just those things all currently going on as I have been cast out by someone who has gone missing since around November 2015 and for the last few months have been hearing of a possible embezzling goings on a lot closer to home. These two things alone also involve around £1.5 Million. Believe it or not, lol.

But none of that money is mine and as for mine and despite how much I do IO feel like Klaus in that episode of American Dad when he insinuates how much money he has then the scene cuts to him with his face, he is a Goldfish with a man's mind in it, covered in chocolate and sobbing cries “I don't have very much money!”

It is funny the way money is distributed in modern times and whenever I look at or watch black and white films from the 50's or 60's things always look a lot more straightforward. With few exceptions of course.

As I hope to have proved on my blogs despite my fantastical sounding stories and conspiracies theories I did so set out to provide the proof. Both what I had acquire previous to starting my blogs and all of that I acquired while posting on said blogs.

It might appear at first inspection that I post or publish evidence as soon as I get it? No. Life and people in general simply do not work like that. Sometimes I have to play, or forced to, the long game and this applies especially when your enemies that you have already caught red handed caught on to what you have been doing. The only way around this is a bloody long one to have everyone go back into their safety zones.

Hopefully in time I will show most people, especially those that work in the system, how a lie is perpetuated and how they help perpetuate it unknowingly. Sometimes they knowingly do it and do so out of sad acts of self-preservation.

Back in current news events I have heard that raised an eyebrow I note that Donald Trump does not seem to like NATO which I found interesting. I would like to know his reasons why this is.

Do not envy the American public right now as their two choices for their next President are out of Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton and I wonder how on Earth it got to that stage?

Is the general public incapable of getting decision right in a mass scale? What could that imply on our decision to get out of Europe? Were we wrong? Was I wrong? My reasons were right even if the decision turns out to be wrong.

I think a great deal of getting things wrong were deciding on something because of a good reason but the end result ends up way different to what we expected.

I say a couple of the masters of the master race attempted and failed to abduct a soldier out jogging in Norfolk I think it was? Masters of the master race? Well they are men who are masters over women and part of what they perceive to be the master race.

Thank God that did not result in another brutal and unwarranted murder in a ghoulish and graphic way like it did before?! Quite how they cannot see that they are doing the work of Satan, if he exists of course, I simply do not know.

I see Turkey is going to now cause a great deal of trouble over the next few years and the actions of their leader is not a good sign. Beginning to sound like a dictatorship and I expect to hear more signs that it is slowly heading that way.

I wonder how the Turkish public will react to these little signs over the coming year or two?

I now see that my feelings for the America public and their two lousy choices have not been missed by either the American public or the British media?

There has been an unprecedented rise in a Google search for a 'third party candidate 2016' which I find both very surprising, did not think they ever had one, and complain about with the British public regarding just Labour and the Conservatives here in Britain.

http://metro.co.uk/2016/07/22/theres-been-a-massive-spike-in-google-searches-for-third-party-candidate-2016-6022425/

While typing this I am watching some film on YouTube called 'Phantom From Space' from 1953, it says. I do like old black and white films from the 50's and 60's.

Now I am feeling sleepy, something that has been going on about a year and in the afternoons if I am on the computer I will feel sleep and then fall asleep, waking up sometime later wondering how I could not resist falling asleep.

So due to upcoming events and the doom scenarios I have to try to avoid I decided to type out a few reports.

Just had a weird sudden dizzy feeling as my neck muscles relaxed involuntarily and my head dipped backwards. That felt very weird.

Got up and had some ice cold Sarsaparilla hope that would make me more alert and keep me awake for a bit longer. It matters not what I have done, been out of the house or like today noot been anywhere the feeling of falling asleep always occurs. Always seems to occur between 2pm and around 6pm at the latest but 3pm to 4pm it normally starts.

So yeah, I digress.

Seven reports made out and now I have to think what I did them on other to provide greater in depth detail for each…

• Blog Details and what they prove – Corruption and Victims
• Blog Reports – What they are and will achieve – Resume and Numbers
• Health Report on Fibromyalgia Syndrome – YouTube Videos & Book
• Health Report on Anxiety Attacks – Their effect and intensity
• Health Report on Symptoms for Neurology and Brain Tumour
• Health Report on Recent Thoughts – for CAB, Mind & could be relayed to Neurology
• NHS Dealings Report – List of Departments, Doctors, Specialists & GPs

The above reports are mainly because I cannot recall things, do not think of things when being in a meeting that could be very relevant. Also to provide as much information as I can to lead to a good conclusion.

Of those I am to meet … three for now one waiting for and another possibility. That which applies to each meeting could be one report, any number or even all of the above.

I am hoping that some that might not appear relevant to specific meeting turn out to be quite the opposite and it generates interest that leads to other actions. Or even just pointing me in the right direction and even forwarding things on to possible interested parties?

Now I have playing 'The Flying Saucer' which was made in 1950, I seem to be finding ever older made films?

Whether I will publish any of the reports on here as I use them I do not really know. I normally get the urge to publish a letter or report I have made out if I get a ridiculous response or embarrassing lack of action or advice. I sincerely hope this will not be the case in any of my meetings.

Ah! Just had a symptom from black-outs I completely forgot! See what I mean?

NOT FORGOTTEN

What does one do when faced with a corner?

There is only one thing that any living thing would do when faced and forced into a corner of any kind...come out fighting.

I ponder many things most of the hours one would be awake.

There are times when the bridge before you is burning in flames. The heat and tips f the flames lapping at your ankles, set alight out of blind stupidity and stubbornness.

But once the ashes fall away rebuilding the bridge can take some extreme effort and other times left completely beyond repair.

Often this involves a date or a key event on the annual calender of life.

Somebody close to me recently stated that playing games with me is a complete waste of time because you cannot win. It is true enough but I am not, despite my outward appearance, always impervious. Just impervious to many.

Sometimes you can walk among the ashes while your feet burn and you have to ask yourself that one and often insolvable question. Why?

I may well be approaching a point when I ask myself 'why' of my own endeavours and efforts?

The one person that had kept me going throughout and for many years has been … evasive, secretive and incommunicado.

If I cannot trust them they join a long list of people I cannot trust. Which will lead me, inevitably to the question of if there is anyone worth saving or helping?

So why should I continue?

It is a question I do not want to ask myself. It is a question I never thought I would ask myself. On the night of Christmas Eve it will be the most primary question in my mind.

What did I do it all for?

There are times when things get you down. There is only so much you can take on board in a given period of time. Then the weight of everything can get too much.

The one thing I have always managed to work without is things or events to be uplifting. Something that shows you that your cause is worthy or that there are plenty of people worthy of your sacrifices.

I have had a few minor moments. Too few and far between I am afraid to say.

Currently I am endeavouring to acquire that elsewhere.

I am contacting literary agents. I have contacted a number of them by now and I have had a little positive feedback which is far more than I had gotten four years back.

I ask myself if the readers of my letters will see what it is I am trying to do, who and how many I am trying to help and become a part of this?

Now that would be uplifting.

I wrote two books and have a third to start up and work through but sometimes, like right now, I wonder if I have the energy to do this?

I am not a bad actor in Hollywood, nor kicking a bag of wind around or fighting others for it or smiling away in some glamour magazine or dirt digging journalist in a gossip column.

Yet these command big salaries as does looking the fool on TV.

I lived a life of pain and confusion, realised some things were rotten to the core and decided to research them. Only to find that everything was rotten to the core everywhere I looked and far worse than even I first thought.

I then thought about all of the victims out there whose lives have been destroyed and even ended by this dark side to the British nation while floods of others come here to make things even worse than they are.

I realised that almost all others will not be aware of how bad things are and in how many places and that those that do concentrate on one particular aspect and are blind to all the others.

I was well aware that as things stood things would only continue to spiral downhill.

I seemed to be the only one that was aware of the vast extent of how bad things were and had predicted many things for a very, very long time.

I simply wanted to do something about it.

I wanted to change things.

I wanted to change a country, a whole country and then maybe, just maybe, the world … one country at a time. I would never have lived long enough to see that.

Though some will never be changed and remain a diseased wart on the face of the world while idiots continue to pander to them because they are convinced they will. Until they are wiped out. I see this but cannot do anything about it. I can just give my opinions and sometimes am harsh, to give an idea of how many are feeling.

That, I confess, is deliberate. I have said and repeated many times that actions speak louder than words and I could only ever be judged by my actions. Not my words.

So I played on that. To sound extreme. To get noticed and stir feelings and emotions as I thought that would get people talking. Talking about this blog. Talking about me.

I would say things in anger as I would post about them while I was angry about something … again quite deliberately. That was how I played it.

The ultimate and real truth was always kept back and would be revealed when I thought it was necessary to do so.

I am losing count of the years I have spent doing this. I am losing count of the number of days I have been hurt, heartbroken, suffered so many pains and made so many sacrifices.

The whole time I had hoped that those I had attempted to help would see these things for themselves? Again … seeking another corner where uplifting events can occur.

It seems I have an enemy and I do not know who it is. More upsetting is that someone else should see his too but have not and care not.

Sometimes you do not need to know them or see their faces. Because the sacrifices made a clear to see and actions and in this case, inactions, are clear to see and tell a story. A very clear story.

There are many things I could have done with my life and I have an endless list of regrets but I had boulders lobbed before me on each and every one of them. This sees to have turned out no different to any of the previous times.

Unless something changes in the coming couple of months?

I imagine I am on an island. A gentle and cool breeze disturbs the hair above my temples and the sun is setting and coats the horizon in a golden glow. The only sound that is audible is distant birds singing on high.

The leaves of nearby trees glitter as they twist and turn in the breeze, the sunlight flashing from their surfaces as they turn.

I am somewhere far, far away from all that I hate.

I lay back and my arms outstretch when I think of a nation of blind people clambering for their wants and desires that are meaningless in this vast and unexplored universe.

A tear breaks free from the corners of my eye when I think of the utter extremes many are prepared to go to fill in the gaps of a very short life. The evil that people are willing to do.

I sit upon my island and gaze into the direction of a place once called home. I wonder if they will ever see? I wonder if they will ever stop? I wonder of they will ever free themselves from the tyrannies and the darkness?

Why do they require so much and why are they willing to go to such lengths to achieve this?

To fill up a period of thirty or forty years with things others do not possess, could never possess?

Do the actors that only drink champagne costing thousands and eat meals costing the same really have to do this? Do they see how they look to anyone intelligent, outside that of the celebrity journalists themselves desperately hunting sound bites?

Or those on TV pleading for a few pounds to save lives that posses the amounts to feed third world countries for several years?

The world around me is full of holes. The deceit is surrounding. The pictures so utterly clear. The hardest thing to endure is to watch everyone else walk past these pictures as if they were not even there.

So the only thing that allows evil to persist is for good men to do nothing is it?

Well one good man decided to do a little more than just something.

One man decided to do many things and for a very long time.

He painted a series of the starkest pictures.

That was my vision.

At the present time and quite bizarrely big numbers are only the tiniest of percentages. A stark reality.

So some metaphorical fuses have had to be lit.

Time given to see where the sparks lead.

The weeks are running speedily out and that island may become a very tempting prospect?

Then what will history make of it all?

As I feared, most likely?

It takes a death before anyone becomes interested and even then after some time.

Those stark realities of what it is to be human.

But, I wonder, what does that make me?

I can only hope that you do not forget about me.

At least in my life I tried to do something right … something good.

THE RETREATING SEA SHORE

I dare say some of you have been wondering whatever happened to my announcement?

The big reveal?

The oncoming storm?

The building tsunami?

Rest assured it is coming. There have been discussions and meetings along with phone conversations and the whole time I have been trying to nail down a possible date and even a time.

You can also be assured that despite the fact there have not been much in the way of signs or glyphs (metaphorically) even to give away the day the things said have assured me that I may have underestimated things ... a wee tad?

A line that was uttered by one to another and then passed on to me with concern in their voice had me reeling with laughter. I was asked why I was laughing, the second time since having a mysterious woman only muddy the waters further by saying "...you will find out who I am soon enough!". I then explained what the line meant by repeating something I have tried to tell absolutely everyone for three years. No one believed me even my ... err 'partner in crime' so to speak though 'partner in nation changing good deeds' would be more accurate.

When I reminded them of what I had said from the beginning and that if the numbers are as big as I thought they would be then they would likely want to advise what to do for the next decade at least.

As soon as I explained this, a bit better than the cryptic version I have given here for now, it was immediately realised this is what it was about.

In fact a phone conversation I had today, to find out finally one of the dates I need, the partner in crime stated that "It's putting me on edge, I do not know why she just does not say it" and I realised for the very first time that they now know what is going to happen. I emphasize 'for the first time' because it is and has taken the best part of three years.

It really does not matter because many others closer to me geographically still do not get it, not matter how many times I succeed. Well they do at times and then do not at other times because when many people are speaking it is difficult to know which ones are secretly jealous or have humongous egos.

Unfortunately for them I first of all know which ones suffer from what and secondly do not care because I know what will happen and that is all I care about. I always have.

However and despite my best intentions there simply are some things I do not know and I cannot predict what others will decide. Or in other words I do not know how big it will be. Big or massive are the two options. There is also the possibility of what will happen in the event's ... umm wake? There will most certainly be a wake and this will continue on for an inordinate amount of time but will be nothing to do with either of us.

We are done, it is finished, finito. Bar the shouting, so to speak and we are not involved in the shouting.

There is a meeting in a couple of days and I am weighing up the possible benefits of me being there at the time. Though the weight is currently all on the side of being there just after and better this way as I know the outcome of the meet.

It will be the day that reveals all and this will allow me to pick a day and a time.

It is this day and this time that will be most important to the readers of this blog and the do-gooders, still likely shoving the pieces of their minds back together upon realising everything I have done thus far, that are dying to find out how big this is and what in involves.

Try taking all that I have achieved thus far, that is the four victories from four and otherr stuff on NHS and Ombudsmen, combining them all together. Got that? Well it is waaaaay bigger than all of that put together by a factor of ten ... and then some.

As an example I could easily say 'it is not one ... or two ... or even three ... but FOUR big things simultaneously because their are four big names!' and really get people thinking. Some might think this over blowing it. So if I say that there will be at least SIX things that will blow everyone's minds apart, ... err sorry if you only just got them all back together again lol, and added to this there is at least one other possible big thing in all this that I know of. Plus there are the things that could arise I have not foreseen. Plus there is the titanic bow wave that will swallow up several others with it, which was carefully planned by me of course.

So six things with a potential for several others to be added.

Right now I am standing on an imaginary shore line with only bad and guilty ... err lets say people standing around me clueless ass the sea retreats very far out and I smile and hold on to a large tree beside me.

How long it will take for a speeding sea's edge to race past me I currently do not know but I can tell you that I will in just a few days.

Someone who was ordered to appear failed to turn up with some excuses that had a court judge rolling their eyes. More rolling of eyes took place when they finally did turn up a week later and gave their excuses and account of things.


It was that week taken to appear, or whatever period of days it turned out to be, along with my overlooking a certain ... legal word that has led to things being drawn out. Rest assured the suspense was being felt by my partner in crime today. Because it was something my partner in crime did today that they thought necessary, to do with a direct debit in their bank, that had the person state "Huh, well that was a waste of time!" I simply said while laughing "Well, I have been trying to tell you!"

The funny thing is I have now had the same situation happen to me today and I forgot about this. Eon Energy have threatened me with action using some henchmen or other.

Odd as I have been paying them lumps of £100, holding off and I told them so because I have to ... umm disappear very soon but do not know when, how long for or what I will have to pay out until things ... umm change.

Now I have told and told and told Eon Energy this and I have warned them and I have warned them and guess what else I have done?! Yup, I have bloody well warned them.

I have also warned them several times not to threaten me and yet ...

They now have threatened me.

But I have NOT had a bill.

Despite being told someone would read my meter they have not arrived and nor has a card come in the door!

They have not sent me a bloody bill ... ooh I said that but its worth mentioning twice along with the fact that despite Virgin Media not sending me a paper bill, as they want 3 to 5 quid for that and already craftily and rather cheatingly charging me £5 to fucking pay them, they at least send me a bill via email!!

So when I pay Eon Energy next I am going to pay them half what I would normally do and tell them to fuck off and hire their henchman and remind them of what I have told them several times, remind them that I have warned them several times to keep one eye on the blog! I will then explain that this is not only going to blow up in their faces but that it will happen at the worst possible time for them because it will draw bad publicity for them and they will look not just heartless, cold and calculation but incompetent and stupid beyond their wildest dreams.

You see you might note that I email each and every one of them a hell of a lot.

You might note that I have won four out of four battles.

In the next week, maybe two at the very outside you are going to find out that two other organisations I emailed and wrote to warning them over and over again what would happen if they ignored me will all become clear.

When it does it will become very clear that my methods of repeated assaults via both email and letter do serve me a very good purpose.


When this is revealed you can then think on about the NHS, DWP along with the other three local councils, Police Force and all the Ombudsmen.

Anyone anywhere that thought my methods pointless or me wrong are going to find out or be proved wrong themselves.

When your proved wrong it changes the way you think. It will make people take a great deal more notice of what I have done and what I have said and about who I have said it.

Then and only then will my long term plan to cause a Tsunami in the UK the likes of which have never been seen before will start to look real as well as start to happen.

My often cryptic and sometimes secretive nature will suddenly start to make sense.

Then, if my theory is correct and it normally is more often than not, a sea of change will start to build up. This could be very quickly and over a mere few weeks or it could be over 6 months. Again these are things beyond my control.

I cannot guess what people will do, well most of the time. I also cannot predict how quickly they will do things either. After all spreading the word rather depends on how much people care about others and this is the part I am not too sure about.

Yes whenever the public is spoken to on TV they always sound like the most caring and humane person on the planet. But I am afraid that in my experience the opposite has been true, especially for those that work for the public services.

But this does not rely on those that work within these services and what they do or say to their colleagues. No, no. This rather depends on friends and family members of readers and not anything else. Because these are the people I have tried to help and educate, those that are humane, caring and even intelligent. I wanted to stop good, decent and caring people ever going through that which I have gone through along with those things one or two people I know have gone through. Ever again!

I started from the outset, August 2012, that this was kind of a multi-faceted social experiment. Well it still is and I know what I am hoping for!

What transpires remains to be seen ... but not for long.

In a few weeks all will be revealed and maybe in several ways, some very big ways too possibly, and then in the four to six months that follow the social experiment will reveal the facts.

Are we a helpful nation or all just secretly in it for ourselves? Once we have realised what a hidden picture hides do we tell others to help them or just keep this knowledge for ourselves?

If you do keep it for yourself ask yourself something ...

Did I do that or did I help hundreds of thousands of others that is going to keep on growing at one rate or another for the next decade?

If you then decide to pass this knowledge on ... ask those you pass it onto the exact same question.

Now that I have set this pattern I have to spend the next couple of days ... preparing. Their are things that I need to do and things that need to be in a certain ... order before I take the action that I will which will happen within two to five days time at the most.

Then there follows the set of big reveals that will put your grey matter onto a bubbling simmer for the several following weeks or even months.

Then things will really start to become interesting.