THE STAGGERING HYPOCRISY

I simply don't believe what I just read.

I really, really don't believe what I've just read.

Someone sent me a link to ... wait ... The Standard newspaper to an article about some plan Theresa May has in mind.

Are you ready for this?

Unpaid traffic wardens?!

Unpaid ... traffic ... wardens. Unpaid. Traffic wardens?

Let me get this straight on my head?

You want people to walk around the streets all day to collect money for the government in doesn't deserve?!

Are .. you .. fucking .. serious?

First I hear that nurses, I still need to confirm, are being forced to go to food banks just a few days ago and now this?

It's funny as I'm still in disbelief but I said for a long, long time now that we were heading towards slave labour. This isn't slave labour, if true about the nurses then that is, this is straight forward slavery.

Just because no whip is used, physical one anyway, does not rule this out for the slavery label.

What's even more fucking idiotic is the use of the word 'volunteer'?! Volunteer?!

Let me get this bit straight on my head?

You want people to come forward and do this for free? For free?!

Are you a complete blithering idiot?!

No wait? What am I saying?!

A woman that actually expects thousands of people ... no, tens of thousands of people around every city in the country to work for free? While she gets paid an insulting salary, well it is now, to be a fucking idiot?! How could she possibly realise that the British public does not have a large enough fraction of naive morons that will come forward and volunteer for this?

Now I very clearly stated that I should not be surprised and even predicted this?

Weeeeell ...

A few years back after the financial crisis started I was referred to a pain clinic. A pain management course. I had become offered it a few times and things got so bad that I ended up taking up the offer. As I wasn't being diagnosed and also being refused the proper drugs. It's just that I didn't know I was being refused the proper drugs. I was, however, getting the two cheaper drugs for the condition that did not get diagnosed for another two years and even then was diagnosed by me.

Yeah ... when I discovered I had Fibromyalgia I then discovered that two drugs used for it, the ONLY two in this edition of Black's Medical Dictionary, were Amitriptyline and Gabapentin, I had already been given for two years.

It got worse as when I realised what I had and that there was absolutely no doubts about this whatsoever I then asked to be referred to a specialist. But initially I was told that there weren't any specialists on the NHS. This shocked a couple of charities I spoke to and turned out to be a bare faced lie. So they knew I had it but then put obstacles in my way to prevent diagnosis. When I have them a list of specialists all in London alone they then started they could only send me after some tests. I had spent 14 years being tested by a very long list of specialists. That was taking the piss.

When I did get to Guy's Hospital he confirmed my diagnosis, not that I needed it. He also prescribed Pregabalin. He then spotted something with my right knee just how an paused orthopaedic surgeon at Chase Farm Hospital did three years earlier. He did a test that surprised me with me yelping in pain and said I had a physical issue with my knee that was separate from my Fibromyalgia symptoms.

When the letter for to the GP there was no mention of the knee, the test, the pain or the Pregabalin which I was then refused fur the next three years.

That was until I have my present GP an ultimatum. After telling me it was not a GP's place to say whether someone is disabled or not anymore I went back to him a few months later after a breakdown. I said, they have kicked me off half my disability and are going to force me into full time work. That will kill me and I will be unable to do this on my present state. If their going to force me to work they had better give me the proper drugs, otherwise this is slavery with cruelty.

He quoted a little of his Hippocratic oath, be was surprised I knew where it came from, and prescribed me Pregabalin.

This is one of a series of facts that are going to be missed by some but which I will use to very dramatic effect. Very soon too. Lol.

The recordings of the appointments involving everything as I described were posted on here long ago.

This, by the way, is a totally separate incident to me catching Darren Francis of Chase Farm Hospital falsifying an ultrasound on my groin. Twice in the same ultrasound test. A black painful lump magically disappeared off the scan as did a new Inguinal Hernia and that latter kills you. Can't say anything on the former as I don't know what the black lump was and note was I told.

In fact there was a fiasco where the GP Surgery tried to say I was mad. That didn't succeed so with the help of the GMC, who stabbed me in the back in the process, they kicked me from the surgery list under accusation of violence.

I do know of one young woman within the same Enfield area as me but with a different surgery, and one I have never been listed with despite being with five in Enfield alone, that had the same accusation made against her. After she realised they were lying. She had previously had a diagnosis mysteriously evaporate and was refused treatment.

So that is twice within Enfield and I do not speak to many people. So how many have their been over the past ten years in Enfield?

Think bigger ... if the number is quite substantial then how many have their been across the entire country? How many people have died as a result of this? How many people have you heard have did in the news and how many have not been reported on?

Now think again .., this is the NHS, Hospitals and Doctors ... how would you ever find out?

Now think about your taxes ... there are the GMC, PHSO, NICE and God knows how many other ombudsman and governing bodies ... out of all that has been reported on and with those not being reported on being larger by a factor of ten or more ... how many of these public pad for bodies have reported upon an of them?

In my argument with my GP's, I rowed with two, I didn't even use a swear word in our argument and the rowing was to try to get them to ... drop themselves and the NHS in it. Lol.

How can I prove that I did not swear and only rowed to drop them in it? I was recording and ... I had been recording for many, many months. Might have been a year or two at that point, even?

As well as these two there are other ... separate incidents.

Funny that I was so angry that I threatened violence towards them but ... never actually mentioned I had actually been recording the NHS for several years and already had them lying on tape. Several times. Yeah I was so angry that I did not swear or throw this fact in their faces?!

Yeah ... if your going to play games with since fucking huge, completely rotten and corrupt and wealthy organisations (on the public's money) you had better bring your A+ game.

I had bought my triple 'A' game and unfortunately for them ... never ... dropped ... it.

Then there are three incidences that include my back. Three incidences on just my back pain alone.

Then there is the high blood pressure. Oh my God, this is just some of the NHS stuff, lol.

Ooh boy, oh boy. I could start getting into another the letter acronym of a public service corrupt as hell I have a long dark history with?! Lol.

I digress.

So ... I went to this pain management course ... except ... it wasn't a pain management course and when I walked out after 90 minutes I was shaking my head in disbelief.

I was also clutching my audio recorder with a big smile on my face.

That happened three times and on the third I simply could not believe I now had three recordings of them doing what they just did.

They figured it out. I didn't get asked back for the fourth meeting. There was no loss to me on my part. Sound weird?

Well .. it wasn't a pain management course.

What it was, was a short lecture at the beginning, telling the thirty people there to piss off as the NHS is not going to deal with them, have CAB and various other idiots in, fucking private Orthopaedics and alternative stuff, before then trying to get you to work for the NHS, Chase Farm Hospital in particular in this case, for free.

Yup, told to fuck off with your pain, told about a load of private places that cost fair amounts of money and then spend the last twenty minutes asking you to work for a hospital at the top of a hill ... for free.

That's exactly what the pain management course, called The Tranquility something or the other, entailed.

That was about four or five years ago, I think.

So no ... I shouldn't be surprised that just like I predicted that they have gotten away with this crap for so long that they will be in your face about it. Without a care in the world. Before very long. But I am still surprised.

Well ... this is in your face about it. Or at least it will be of she had the balls, and the level of incompetence, to state this on the TV News.

Well this might have happened were out not for the fact that the TV News media that loves the word 'fake' in recent times, was being paid off. My money would be that the news media would alert Theresa May but stating "Your not going to fucking say that on TV are you?" then turns to another reporter and say 'Get your arse over to Corbyn's house, he will be Prime Minister in a month"

It's kind weird. There had been a flurry of things that proved me correct on some older predictions.

I cannot help but wonder if this frequency will remain for the rest of 2017?

Jesus, if it does it's going to be a mad 12 months if I can keep on top of it? Otherwise it might end to a mad 18 months? Or even 24? Lol.

What a great message she and other politicians are sending out. We have long since known they are liars but now ...

We are self righteous, but lying cheats when your not watching. We are of a higher breeding and you WILL pay us huge salaries out of your own pockets and a large portion of you WILL work for free. This way other lazy lying fucks in local government, probably my brother's wife whose also my sister, can be paid handsomely with even more money we get out of the public with unfair parking tickets.

Yes we have forced society to rely entirely on cars because the public transport has been shite for years, so have the roads and we have provided nowhere for your cars, we forced you to rely on, to be parked.

After all, why would we spend money for the correct amount of car spaces because we can't charge you forty to eighty quid to park.

Yeah, this problem has been around for twenty years now and we have done nothing to solve them because we continue to make money and not spend it.

Best of all none of you have realised and those that have are not numerous enough and we have enough Ostriches to keep getting away with it too.

We are, after all, the biggest examples of the feelings of self-entitlement you can find within a radius of thousands of miles. And then some. Maybe?

Wait a minute?! DOH!!

http://www.standard.co.uk/news/london/theresa-may-plans-to-replace-traffic-wardens-with-army-of-unpaid-volunteers-a3160611.html

YET MORE CURVE BALLS

I have an extremely powerful headache!

Any movement of my head and it is as if someone is beating me with a baseball bat.

I am also down ... though I have realised I had not taken my pills but it is not that late to make a difference and I am not sure that any that I do take do even make a difference. I have forgotten them before for a day.

I say this because I am feeling incredibly low.

I have just found out that there has been a second still birth in the family in as many years and hearing news like that does not help. Same person affected too.

I have also just come across some other information I did not really want to and I was not feeling good anyway.

How in the world do these things happen?

I have had another family member upset about the way things are going for them and was on the phone crying just a coupe of nights back. In fact at one point I stated that my family does not have a great deal of luck. I get told that night that one family member is expecting a baby and is five months pregnant and two days later I get told that they have sadly lost the baby.

At the same time I am looking over lists and lists and lists of jobs that I think I cannot do, have searches for part time jobs come up with full time jobs and looking at volunteer work where they want you to supply your own car and/or tools for the jobs that you will do?! What?!

Ooh boy this is just too much.

I feel like I am nose-diving again only this time with this very intense headache that is throbbing like crazy and making me wince.

I have a busy two days and then have to see a damn Jobcoach again. Holy mother of God I could never realise things could be so bad ... or so painful.

I also have a concern that I will voluntarily offer my skills but that I will be treated as if it was a paid job and that whoever I work for will not be appreciative of the fact that I am offering my services for free. Well I have this damned memory issue and I am worried it will force me to make mistakes that will not technically be my fault.

I have also ran out of tea bags too and finding it hard to get motivated to get some, with with this killer headache and downward spiralling mood.

Every other paragraph I am clutching the back of my neck from the intensity of the pain I am feeling right now. I also cannot help but think about that damned MRI result on my head I have not had yet and wondering if it has something to do with that? The one thing I was not getting much of and have not really had much of for a long time is headaches. But this one is a doozey and seems to be making up for lost time?!

I would not mind but it is not even in the forefront of my mind right now. I keep telling myself that in a few days it will all look different. But one thing I thought might change now looks highly unlikely due to some news I stumbled across.

There is still the meetings I will have over the next two days and another next week and there is this other organisation I contacted I will be expecting an answer from too.

Oh God, the bloody pounding!

EVen when I stopped and thought about what it must be like for my family members to lose another child ... bang-bang-bang goes my head.

Another family member has just had her first child and that situation is a mess I do not envy, though I slightly went through similar things many years ago. Arguably worse and that still haunt me to this day. In more ways than one.

Unless this headache eases off I think I will have to forego drinking tea ... oh and food as I do not have any and not eaten much lately anyway.

Oh yeah and my damn weight is plummeting ... my currently worn trousers did not fit me 6 weeks or so ago and are now hanging on me.

Perhaps that is why my head is throbbing in pain? Maybe the human mind can only take so much before something gives way? Snaps for one and pain for another?

I keep squeezing the back of my neck really hard, it gives me temporary respite but as soon as I let go and move my head .... BAM!

Called up the Universal Credit phone number about an advance and about this letter on Saturday that stated they were still waiting evidence, despite being told Thursday it had all gone through. What happened? I was told first off that I am being charged for the call, so what happened with the free phone numbers they introduced a few years back? Then I was told "Sorry, the system is down, Call us back in a couple of hours".

Oh ... my ... God!

It seems like everything everywhere is falling apart and my mind along with it?!

How can it look like there is a way out one minute and then completely fecked the next? I would not mind so much if it was something I had done.

If I can just get through the next eight or so days, hopefully there will be a light at the end of the tunnel? Only problem is I am actually traversing what seems like several tunnels at once.

Typical that the volunteer work asking you to provide your own tools was linked to the local council, just typical that is.

I do not mind doing volunteer work to help people but not when its a large multi-million spending organisation that simply squanders people's taxes. That was gardening.

I am applying for positions of Mentor and organisations that help people, like carer organisations. I have a wealth of experience, bad luck and horror stories not to mention dealing with a disability when your being kicked in the gonads. So I figured it might be right up my alley?

THE CALL OF THE MOUNTAIN KING

Suffering.

That is what it has been feeling like of late. Even just the new job of looking for a … job.

Sometimes I just do not … think.

But then that is one of my primary problems.

Sometimes it can take me a while … but I normally get there eventually.

This morning the rain patted the windows and thoughts of freedom were limited and the sands of time running dry before my eyes.

I turned to the task of finding a part time … vocation. Many things I had seen would not really lead me anywhere of note or that would suit me. Finding things close to hand also looked impossible and even a strange look from my new Jobcoach forced me to ask myself if he thought the task impossible? Or even the wrong conclusion that I was not really interested? Or perhaps he had seen or may … be … read something that made him realise that any new … vocation forced upon me would lie not last long or perhaps even backfire?

Perhaps Jobcoaches just have other distractions on occasion?

So I plundered through bob title after job title and detail after little detail. The strange things is I do not even know how it came about, whether I did a search … umm, no, ,or come across a webpage purely by chance? But I did come across a webpage that peaked my interest and would solve all my current problems … well most of them,, in one fell swoop. It may even turn out to do a great deal more than that … once I got thinking and once I spotted a couple of roles that were advertised.

Jesus. Why did I not think of this before?! Well … I kind of … did! But I obviously never gave it enough thought.

So here is a clue … why don't I … just do what I have already been doing already for bloody years?! LOL!

Stay with me here …

For the last four years plus now I have been writing and blogging and in so doing I had intentions of helping others.

So why don't I just do that?

But, I hear many now saying, you have to go look for a job because of this Universal Credit and jobmatch thing?! Well who says it cannot be a job? Especially when you ..

VOLUNTEER!

I am such … an idiot!

I saw this role that included meeting people who have things on their mind or issues of one kind or another. It basically stated that anyone that has a lot of experience can use this to help advise others.

If there is one thing I have from dark periods to bereavements and even to studying all the way to a BSc Degree and even stupidly turning down a Doctorate that is one thing I have in spades.

Added to that is my extremely long list of interests to which I not only have a great idea of knowledge in but that which I ccan get or encourage others into as a way of finding a distraction. I possess knowledge that spans several areas of the animals kingdom, astronomy, astrophysics, quantum mechanics, botany and orchids and carnivorous plants especially, kung fu, cycling, computers, technology, photography and many others besides.

As I read this paragraph it was almost as if a flagpole emerged from my head, raised ever so slowly up until it caught a breeze and a flag unfurled revealing a light bulb.

It was like a calling!

There is a slight delay as the web-page seems to be taking awhile to register me and … well it wont let me do a damn thing until it seems me an email with a confirmation link, well it has to be that.

There was even one I could do from home … though I am not sure I want to be stuck indoors … so I may end up registering for two different positions?

Whatever it is that is troubling people I can explain to them what I have done and I can even show them! Even if it about the state of the country or the world I can show them that there are people or groups endeavouring to do something about it. To bring about change. Even if it is a little bit at at time.

Dumb, dumb, dumb. I am staggered that in the last four years plus that I never thought about this before. It would give me something to do and hopefully something to get me out of the house and I can actually help others.

Trumpets started to ring out and sound all around me as I stumbled upon this realisation and suddenly things look … different. Things feel different.

Where IS that damn email? Still not there.

Of course this course could lead to other pathways? The possibilities are, I am not going to say it, many.

It did occur to me that with others that may be in a similar predicament that instead of being forced into somewhere you do not like, not suitable or bloody far away from where you live it might be an idea for you? You can see something you like, close by and it may lead to other things?

There were … couple I could not apply for … due to me and these organisations having something of a … history! Lol. The very sight of my name is liable to cause the paper they read it on, CV or computer to burst into flames of fire and brimstone. Putting it mildly, lol.

That, umm, applied to some of the jobs I saw advertised too! I was like 'Oh who is that for? OH! Yeah … no! They would probably ask me in for an interview just so that could hiss and spit at me like an angry cat?!' Well … you shouldn't tell lies to your customers or the public in general. You shouldn't do it for those that you work for either. Hmm something else that will not get ma many jobs or fired from them in no time at all. Probably?

Interested to see where this path leads me to. I am actually genuinely interested in this one and the very idea that I have several to choose from that are actually reachable without nigh on killing me slowly or quickly over time.

Oh where the sands of time will travel? If issues are held together and the path trodden the destinations sought can be assured and perhaps sped up?

Those trumpets are now accompanied by the voices of angels whose notes soar like Swifts chasing down flies while but a glimmer in the distance of a clear sky.

For the briefest of moments the autumn becomes the summer again and one we barely had.

The thought if this had occurred a year ago was met with realisation that a year ago many other things were ongoing. For the most of 2015 and this year of 2016 this occurring to me would have been .. difficult. To say the least.

Now the question remains is whether or not the DWP and Jobcoach are happy with volunteer work or their latest drive to get people off benefits and save money does not allow room for volunteering? Nothing would surprise me at this stage.

I have never been as eager to register as I am now and nor has it ever taken as long!

Typical, it is probably the only registration in history, or that I have applied to,, that is bloody manual and will not be done until tomorrow?!

Probably about the same time the reply email from the Jobcoach will state that volunteer work does not count? Lol.

The mists of time have become murky of late and still hold many secrets that insist on hiding from view. These could decide to show themselves in the ever lengthening weeks or could still remain doggedly hidden.

Oh what difference there would be with the benefit of a little foresight? Something akin to an ocean as expansive as that of the Pacific. Or perhaps the boredom and meanderings of a chess grandmaster that is yet to reveal themselves?

You simply have no other choice other choice than that to … play the game.

Upwards I am ever climbing following that of a distant sound as if my name echoed out there in the darkness? Beckoning me onwards and upwards. Like a mountain it continues on only seemingly endless. Perhaps a hall awaits me at the top that is littered with answers? Perhaps a doorway to some other worldly place and my next and more peaceful destination? Maybe an area to wash away my sins, troubles and memories so sore in thought? Would I gaze upon all that which I leave behind or continue on without a second thought? One my many questions I have so desired the answers to.

Like the beating of a drum my heart races with yearning. Scouring every corner for the answers I desire and seeking out signs of the changes I seek. The path winds ever on gradually fading into the mists atop the mountain before me.

One foot and then the other ever onwards, ever upwards.