THE SLOW DEATH

OK ..

Daughter now shouting at domestic abuser on the phone, calling from prison!

I woke up around 6am, 8.15am now, and thought I was dying. I still might.

Australian flu!

It's been dogging me since bloody October.

Yesterday while doing things I ended up on my knees several times, leaning against a wall dozens of times and it was the same the day before too .. though I have had a history of this it has not happened for several months.

I thought it was funny last night when I started to get sniffly, often the first sign your getting a cold. But I thought I was coming out of a three month stint of it. But then I knew I had something out of the ordinary and maybe this was just different.

Then I had a slightly different cough to the one I have had for weeks now. Thought that was odd and was tickly.

Trying to go to sleep I couldn't and my sinuses blocked up.

Then 6am this morning .. feverish and nauseous!

Oddly I thought I'd be sent to hospital when I went to the GP but he thought I had something other than the flu. I even mentioned how long I had, had it and even this 'Aussie' or 'Double' flu.

I even mentioned that I wasn't at home, loose term, and was with children.

My daughter is asthmatic too and we had a bit of a fright yesterday morning.

Then last night she said she thought she had the flu coming on.

I'm actually going to suggest that right in the middle of something it might be safer if we get admitted to hospital as a family?!

We have been doing something alone .. without a single offer of help from any authorities and we are .. late. The fact that at least four of us now have symptoms ad two of those being children .. surely this not takes precedence? What with the domestic violence as well as Autism being factors?!

Oh yeah .. my tongue .. my mouth was soo dry my tongue actually felt like a stone when I touched it using an index finger! That's kind of when I thought that maybe this was it for me?

It's lessened a little now but .. it's done this so many times during the past three months.

I then read somewhere that this one they are calling 'Aussie Flu' is evolving very fast.

That completely matches up with it feeling like I've had three or four different strains of flu one after the other.

Even the phlegm and mucous is coming up closer to a white colour now! Previously it was green and yellow .. what I consider basically normal colours with the flu!

Good .. God. For a long list of reasons this couldn't have occurred at a worse time!!

There is my daughter's asthma, four children some sounding like they might now be getting it, house decorations, court cases, cars to have to sell, being in an unknown land, no help from authorities whatsoever and other things I can't even talk about.

Then for me there is my Fibromyalgia, which seems to have lowered my tolerances of a few things. It simply has to be why I've had this for so long.

Lowered my tolerance of alcohol too, that much I've noticed since I got here but I had a clue about this years ago. But it seems to fluctuate .. had signs of that years ago too ..

Must have told a story on here when I was at Stratstones of Mayfair and Land Rover? Two sets of people arguing whether I could handle my drink or not after two separate nights out.

I'm a little scared right now if I'm honest .. I really needed a particular job .. being finished before feeling like this again.

Crossing my fingers once again and I'd rather welcome death to my particular door than to end up with a load of complications.

Also been a lot of reports of deaths .. in Australia and Ireland.

I am sure this has what has made me suicidal at times.

GAMING & ANXIETY EBB

My recent .. troubles are ebbing away due to an idea I had a couple of days ago.

Don't know why I didn't do it or think of it before but it will buy me several more months and that's more than enough time.

My issues stemmed from two things .. one is being in a strange land .. alone. Secondly is my memory issues which dog me like they're is no tomorrow.

This all came about because I'd manage to spend several thousand pounds in a few months in my time here helping out my daughter.

That came about because first off the authorities here simply aren't doing anything.

Secondly .. the way things are done here are very different to back home, even though I'm still in England.

I've told a few back home of some of the things I've witnessed and they simply don't believe me.

But then the social worker is from the south and she hasn't seen anything like it either, by all accounts.

It's a whole list of things I didn't expect and delay tactics I didn't expect. It's proved costly .. financially .. for me.

That left me getting a little low while in a strange land .. moving home thrown into the bargain while going from living alone to .. living with five other people. Two Autistic children among them.

After living alone for twelve years.

As friends and family reminded me .. I went into every deep end there was and left all my comfort zones in one fell swoop.

And in a strange land with my memory problems and losing my .. buffet.

There was someone who has .. or rather had an interest in me but I think that has evaporated. I think I know why .. can't say I blame her but then I was surprised she was interested in me in the first place.

I was going to .. well say something .. at some point but I think that ship has sailed.

But tonight while my daughter is chatting to the cute one I spotted this bizarre story on the BBC app.

It is now seen as a disorder if your addicted to video games. Which is bizarre because since I've arrived here I've noticed several cases ranging from ten year olds to guys in their twenties. I've never seen so many cases of the addiction.

Very close at hand when I'm beavering away working, painting and greying out to the point when I've dropped to my knees, twice today, someone has been in their XBox from 8am or so to midnight. Stopping only for food or drink. Four days in a row?!

The funny thing is he plays in co-op with several friends. So there are several there all going to the same school. How do you break that cycle? Peer pressure and all that?

Another guy, this time, will play all night.

I can't think of a single case like this back in London .. not even me!

Did I mention I'm a gamer?

Or at least I was .. but only played in the evenings between about 7pm or so to 11pm and I thought I was addicted?!

Right now and despite my own withdrawal symptoms from gaming I'm just relieved the anxiety has died down.

I'm just tired and still have this damn flu and seriously in need of a bath or shower, a haircut and a beard trim.

Oh and I don't think I've eaten for three days .. possibly four?

As for the gaming addiction? It's now recognised by the World Health Organisation!

Now that is a surprise.

As for the gaming .. I can understand why it's addictive .. it's an escape from the shit that is current day life. In the worst hit places I suspect it will be a higher rate of addiction. Just like here.

As for the anxiety .. my heart goes out to those that have no options .. I did have but my memory was a concern. I thought my memory would prevent me from doing things right or get ripped off. So I thought to the idea of giving someone the incentive of doing it for me.

That way I can sort out the other issues that have been dogging me .. then get back to driving and hopefully my plans?

This allows other .. plans long in the tooth to come to fruition.

As for the Autistic child .. it is currently midnight and I can hear her running around and yelling and I have wanted to go to sleep for about an hour but I can't. I would not want anything to happen to any child in my care .. and for something to happen if I were asleep .. I could never forgive myself.

Unlike someone else I know who would go out and leave three kids in the house to grab a kebab! Or turn up at the hospital! I kid you not.

I saw this on the BBC and thought you should see it: Gaming addiction classified as disorder by WHO - http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-42541404