Showing posts with label working with pain. Show all posts
Showing posts with label working with pain. Show all posts

Thursday, 19 July 2018

THESE BOOTS WERE MADE FOR WALKING

Hmm?

Someone seems to be admitting, or even just realising, that people are not to walk or like walking too much?

Though this is not true of all people it certainly is true of most .. and everywhere. Seen it here in London for years and see this on The Wirral.

So much so that the Evening Standard seems to be suggesting that walk signs, green man symbol, on traffic lights in key locations be left on for longer.

Two things from this ..

One .. I fecking told you so and ..

Two .. that's going to cause mayhem no doubt?

Now considering this plus the fact you can't get a seat on a bloody bus for love nor money, plus they are pricey these days and hot as hell in the summer ..

What do you think it's like busing around and walking around for people with disabilities?

What do you think it's like for someone that had more than one disability?!

How about those that have several disabilities?!?!

I fall into the letter category, strangely enough and not a day goes by when I can't believe how bad I am or the situation I'm currently in.

Hell .. not a day goes by when I think I'm going to survive it!

Feet, ankles, legs, back, shoulders, pores, head, chest, heart and entire body when it comes down to sudden loss of energy. Though to be fair this lady one is just legs .. again. Adding to the Fibromyalgia Rubber Legs this makes two things for the legs.

Well .. not considering the thigh pain I get off I forget to take magnesium pills.

That's also just legs .. not including the two things with both my feet. Bilateral things.

It's frustrating and worryingly unbearable and no, before anyone thinks it, it's not a case of getting used to it. There is no getting used to it.

Some things are constant and variable while other things occur out of the blue at different frequencies.

But the fact remains that even the things that are seldom .. there are just sooo many that they are frequent .. collectively.

Like Forrest Gump's box of chocolates you just never know what your going to get!

However .. when it comes to the public services and these so-called advice agencies and charities in my experience no one gives a crap.

I've been trying to continue to do that which I not only love doing but in time can bring me an income.

Acquire photographs of very high resolution and, to my mind, quality.

However despite not doing hardly any of that last year and a lot more this year .. I'm still cancelling days doing this shit.

Because of my health.

I'm also now experiencing stupid and unfair treatment from sites selling photographs from unreasonable demands. Go figure.

But what I find repugnant is this attitude that disabled people are fully fit, according to the government.

Even more annoying is the fact that I've maintained for years that is the public transport infrastructure was better a lot more people, like myself, works work. Even if it was just on a part time basis.

I myself constantly wonder if there was something I could do locally .. except I'm not registered here, can't do full time as much as I would like and it's far too built up here.

I know the area as I spent the early part of my childhood here. But when your forced to have to stop and there's nowhere to rest for large sections your .. fecked!

Green man to be left on at pedestrian crossings in radical bid to get Londoners walking http://flip.it/visPpU

Tuesday, 17 July 2018

THE EVENTS THAT TURN & TURN


Oh God .. I do not know if I can divulge or even remember all that has happened the last few days but let us see? Maybe I might need to come back to this.

I just lost £1,890 on a deal which I had already lost around £2,000 on and this has broken my heart to no end. I had a car that was supposed to have been sold for me .. it has now gone and was a big bane on my life .. thanks to the authorities. Public services to be exact.

  • I had been offered help from no less than four people before I returned to London
    • Not including the disability specialist solicitor
  • I have had no help from anyone since I returned
  • This has cost me money now and ..
  • Been a great source of stress and anxiety and ..
  • Has kept me trapped in my current location ..
  • To the point where I now get no benefits at all!

It gets better ..

  • Found my working bluetooth headset in the car
  • Found my Fiio music player in the car
  • I searched that car three times for these things!
  • I did the same in Birkenhead with a wallet and I kid you not!

  • The car passed an MOT
  • A nail was found in one of the rear and new Pirelli tyres!
  • If anyone recalls .. I had one blow out up in Birkenhead ..
  • I was convinced someone was targeting both me and the car
  • Now I discover there was an embedded nail?!

As far as the benefits go and before I get another amoral extreme right-wing moron making stupid brain dead comments ..

On Sunday .. or perhaps Saturday I had two breakdowns ..

  • I left a messenger bag on a bench near a graveyard
    • Contains my disability Freedom Pass
    • Wallet
    • Door Keys
    • Storage Keys
  • Due to a very kind young woman I got them back ..
  • Due to a phone number in the bag written on a piece of paper from when I was in Waltham Abbey looking after my brothers dog for four days ..
  • Because they knew my memory was bad and thought I would lock myself out

Upon reaching the house I realised I had lost my bag and I went into breakdown mode and upon entering the house ..

  • Someone a little narcissistic surprised me and I must have looked bad because
    • I was asked what had happened
      • I was told I need to stop taking photographs
      • On asking why they replied that I cannot do day to day activities!
      • Funny as this is what is meant to award you disability money
        • One of many things I endure
          • Memory problems
          • Heart Palpitations
          • Skipping Heartbeat
          • High Blood Pressure
          • Pain in feet, back, shoulders and other places
          • Extreme Anxiety
          • History of self harm
          • Having Issues touching things
            • Holding my phone
            • Using the screen
            • Using my laptop's touchpad
            • Been going on for months
              • Oddly tonight is the worst, cannot manage for more than a few minutes
              • Seem to get some sort of weird tingling with this now
              • Two hours sleep last night, wondering if it is a factor in this new intensity?!
          • Going all night without sleeping is .. back!!
            • This is .. disheartening and .. a nightmare!

But this is not all as despite this I like to work ..

  • Blogging for six years .. money frozen with no reason given, thank you Google!
    • Corruption
    • Orchids
    • Computing
    • Astronomy
    • British Wildlife
    • Photography
  • Getting films for the above
  • Getting photos for the above
  • High Quality Photography
    • Account on Flickr
    • Photos are large and need to be post-processed
    • Converted from RAW to JPEG
      • Planned to get the image count up to over 3,000
      • Uploaded in the hope of getting noticed as I got better
        • Health Issues not withstanding
      • Then transfer some to sites to sell
        • Two Sites chosen and working on
    • Account on Instagram, Tumblr, Pinterest, Twitter, GAB
      • All recently being added to

My photos have to go through a process where three of them need to go through quality control and annoyingly .. for fecking reasons that escape me and are stupid .. if one gets rejected they all get rejected.

Yeah I uploaded and there upload fecked up.

I uploaded again and one out of three was rejected .. for dust on the lens .. despite other pictures being taken the same day with the same God damn lens?!

Anyway to add more defence to the attack of far right amoral twats ..

  • Worked on these things for six years, very nearly almost
  • Spent £20,000 plus towards this
  • Got talked into doing this by the Job Centre and NEA
  • One week after going self-employed they pulled
    • All self-employments payments and funding before they even started
    • Cancelled all benefits which also meant ..
    • I could not claim Working Tax Credit until I was able to sustain myself
      • A year of photography and blogging my my calculation
  • Was supposed to start getting paid by Google around end of 2016
  • Money stopped rising at £47 and has stayed frozen ever since
  • Despite being several hundred short of where I wanted to be with photographs ..
  • Now started uploading to image selling sites slightly ahead of time

There are other .. problems and I am going to need help.

Except I have contacted a lot of people just as I have done in the past and thus far and just as before there has been no help whatsoever. Nothing beyond a few suggestions or sending me onto the next organisation .. rinse and repeat until your back at the start.

Oops .. just before I published this, with my laptop refusing to locate the woeful wifi, I used another computer to check my .. photo submissions and once again I was rejected based on a single photograph.

That is eight photos, first two failed because it was not three photos, their effing fault.

Second lot one of three failed.

Third lot one of three failed.

Success rate 66% but they fail them?! And they failed one for dirt on lens .. which is bullshit because other images taken same day were not rejected at all. You simply cannot have it both ways I am afraid no matter how professional you claim that you are.

The second one failed for .. definition?!

My daughter could not believe it and said I was being targeted by the government what with every single fucking thing I have done since last July 2017 going horribly wrong .. in very suspicious ways. Not sure they would go this far, mind you ..

But I have uploaded another three and I have set a trap .. just to see.

FUUUUCK! I cannot type for very long with this new hand problem!!

Friday, 6 July 2018

FREELOADER DOING NOTHING

Well after being accused of being that from someone that is an idiot, tried to twist what I said into something I did not and went back under the rock from whence they came ..

With all the pain, several mornings of nearly collapsing and the searing heat I managed to do four days, well two and two halves after running out of steam, I got out to try and continue on with my photography plans .. as per the agreed business plan I had with my Job Centre at the time only to have the DWP pull the rug from under me one week after going self employed, .. to the person making the comment .. you fucking idiot!

What he would not want to hear is in my second year of blogging I got a call while I was cycling from a lady who got my number from someone I had met who had been reading my blog .. probably inspired to say this due to an early photo of this Hooded Man and I was called a modern day Robin Hood. Was not the first or the last time that was said to me along with a few other things. Nice things before you wonder, lol

To be honest I do not feel like Robin Hood as I have not got a pile of cash I have ripped off the rich and do not feel like I am getting anywhere fast! Lol.

As for the DWP I guess they discovered I was not being kind to them and pulled the funding from a firm they should not have done as they were contractors?!

As for the photographs .. I have taken around 650 to 700 photographs across four days which technically should have been more.

I will spend the next three to four days working my way through them and uploading them .. I will be very happy if I produce between 300 and over the moon if I produce 500 pictures.

I would imagine I have taken around 1,200 to 1,800 pictures and improving my post-processing skills as well as my eye and my use of the Sony A99II camera as I go.

Here are some photos and the first is a return of the Hooded Man from around four or five years ago which became associated with me .. in a way that made me feel kind of honoured ..





































Friday, 16 March 2018

THE BIRDS & THE PAIN

Well that is .. annoying.

I have now been out two days on the trot for the second time and for the second time in as little as  week, or maybe two, I am in agony and unable to go out .. even with all my pills.

This time it was the same thing once again .. trying to do work I was unable to do for around 90% of last summer. Trying to play catch up, you see, with what I missed out with last year. Wildlife photography and bokeh (Japanese for blur) photography with the camera I spent a hell of a lot of money on.

I had not done anything in the line of bokeh all of last year. Well a couple of photos of Rapeseed flowers but that was using an f2.8 lens. I had since bought, again refurbished but not realising it at the time, a Sigma f1.4 85mm lens I had not really taken any photos with. That has now changed. Though I will feel a lot happier once I have well above a couple of hundred half decent photos that are online.

My feet hurt, my hips hurt, my back hurts and my shoulders hurt and last night I literally fell asleep while trying to work on the photos. I never got to develop even a single RAW file photo before I was unconscious and woke at around 4am with my computer still on! I had managed to upload a few videos.

Of course I left the f2.8 70-200mm lens and Teleconverter behind due to their immense weight, probably 3 to 4 kilos worth. This is because I went out looking for early appearing flowers to photograph as it was also going to be sunny. I see Daffodils, Crocuses and a few others but, thank you again you useless weather people, no sun. What else could go wrong? Well I could see a rare bird I have never taken photographs or videos of before and maybe regret not taking the f2.8 70-200mm?

Guess what? I saw some birds I had never previous taken videos or photos of before?! Bloody nice ones too! Red Crested Pochards!

Good God I need a car!

Dealing with the pain is .. damned hard and I do not know how long it will be before I am able to leave the house again. I hope it is not like last time, where it was three days and I was still in pain?!





Yeah .. those last ones were in 1080p and I got them because I took my Nikon P900 cameras as well as my Sony A99II thinking that the light P900 only weighs a fraction of that of the f2.8 70-200mm G Series Sony lens .. so I did get 4K video too .. eventually ..








Maybe I will get the RAW photos done today but here are a few of the bokeh shots I have waited to do for a long time ..

Also trying to get an early feel for it, as it is still March and these are the first flowers. Trying to get a feel for what works and what does not ..