BETWEEN ROCKS AND HARD PLACES

Well I can now let you in on something. Sort of.

I have had no more major pain, thank the stars. Felt nauseous and feverish and sweaty yesterday evening and again tonight. I had a call last night which I missed. But then it rang again about thirty minutes later.

It turned out to be my GP and shock horror he is the first one to read a report I dropped into the surgery. The first one.. EVER!

It seems that he may have cane to same conclusion, or at least worried about it, as I did. He wanted me to go to hospital, Accident and Emergency, then and there! I said there was no chance of that as I was not feeling great for a start and then there was the possibility of an... accident on the way there. I laughed when he said phone for a taxi and I had to explain my money had not been paid into my account.

Hmm that says Wednesday night and is now Friday... Friday?! Oh bloody crap! I've lost a couple of days! OK so yes it's Friday so the money is now three days late and I still do not know why. I told the GP I would go to A&E today. I did not make it. I intended to and I printed out the letter and copy of the paramedics form. I then realised that the bus stop was near PC World and I felt guilty because a friend of mine have me his daughters tablet pc to hand in and I had not heard from them. I had given them the wrong phone number so I thought I would have in the number and then catch a bus to hospital. When I got there the tablet was waiting for me so yes I have them the wrong phone number.

It was also late in the day and I did not wake up until around 1.30pm which was late even for me. I had only slept 2 hours out of 48 and had leaky been knocked sideways repeatedly for a few days too.

So it caught up with me. Then I realised I was nowhere near a shop with an Oyster Card machine, in the UK we have this bloody rip off fare system for public transport. Silly plastic card you have to put your money onto when the shops that top them up are few and far between on many occasions. Lose it and now they charge you £5.00 for one. Yes they say it's refundable but trust me they just say is refundable and I've not known anyone to get the money back, I mean why wound you employ a system like that unless it's a rip off by someone that thinks the public are brain dead half-wits. If you get on a bus with no credit on your card then you have to pay over DOUBLE!

Plus it s no rush hour! So I took the tablet pc to my friends house with the intention of catching a bus to hospital after. But after a mug of tea and a chat I started to feel nauseous again and felt I was getting hit and sweaty again.

Hopefully I will make it tomorrow?!

As well as my benefit bit arriving in my account curiously I had an unexpected text from my daughter just as I was leaving PC world asking me the one question she sound not needed to have done and at the worst time too. Can I give her some money!

Despite the fact that I have not been paid and not had proper disability support for 5 years now I gave her £10. Only I now cannot chase up the DWP because they don't do weekends, though they expect everyone else to. I asked what had happened as she should have been paid three days ago. Hmm now I'm wondering if I no longer have trove with kidding days because I'm losing weeks?! I am sure that we were to be paid on alternate weeks? Ooh for feck sake, I'm having so much trouble keeping track of things. I will have to check my bank statements. Good job I do digital banking, though I'm not sure the banks do?! Lmao!

The reason my GP wanted me to go to hospital was because of two things. One is that my... vomit looked like coffee without any milk. This was also the concern of the lady on the NHS Direct line. It can be a sign of bleeding in the stomach you see. Oddly I did think I picked up on a faint taste of blood but right it was my imagination.

This is an even bigger concern with me in particular because of my oesophagitis, he told me. Odd as I did know that there is a cancer of the oesophagus and this was suspected several years ago, well 8 or 9 to be exact. But I did explain that my great grandfather died of stomach cancer too.

I know I'll get moaned at but you can't change all the rules in an attention to save money and expect members of the public, especially disabled ones, to suddenly be able to jump through hoops and perform miracles.

Hopefully I can get up the hospital early and get it over and done with quickly, though the Doc said they would keep me in I don't want that! With the trouble I have caused them at the top and the Primary Care Trusts I probably won't wake up in the morning?! LMAO!

I find it hilarious that the DWP called me a few weeks ago apologising to me and within weeks sticking the proverbial knife in yet again! In fact they are not happy with just doing these things to me but my daughter and grandchildren too.

Funny then is it not how they make themselves out to be so humanitarian when the news cameras are rolling?! It is two faced and I find this a great deal, have done for years and it has infuriated me for so very long.

I mean you hear all this drivel from members of the government in the news media about how caring they are and how they always hand over money hand over foot to help other countries, well poor ones that is. But when it comes to their own people... forget it!

Another kick in the gonads when some dragon lady demands nearly 2 billion quid from us to pay into Europe!

That was our problem all over and for bloody years! Making it we have more than we do and doing better than we are! Why do it? After all you said your not borrowing anymore, "borrow, borrow, borrow" was Cameron' exact words in the House of Commons.

Make out your bigger and richer then you are and the only thing you will get is everyone, criminal elements, want to live here or others hold their hands out for free cash!

This makes the Tory newspapers look fucking thick when they have a front page story about a "sponger", funny how that word had never become un politically correct?! Front page of a individual on benefits when £2 BILLION had just been demanded?

You would think that a profession that centres around the printed word would be familiar with one in particular? PERSPECTIVE!

MISERABLE DAYS OF GREYS

Well its been a long rotten and painful day. I had my neurology appointment and not sure what to make of it.

I passed a guy in main building and thought he was the doc I was there for. Get given really bad directions by totally clueless receptionist. No signs anywhere and I ignore what I was told and head towards different physiotherapy department I was under lady time.

I see building saying Urology and think ill ask in there. Can you tell me where Neurology is? I ask. Yes your in the right place! She answers. No not Urology I said NNNeurology! I insist...

Yes it is here we have Urology and Neurology but only had one stated outside and I can't believe my luck as I'm now over 500 yards from main reception.

While sitting there I turn on the phones recording app, yes I RECORDED IT, I strip off clothing as I'm out of breath and being cooked when all if a sudden someone steps into the building and its the man I looked at earlier I oddly thought was the Doctor I was there for?!

I though "if he appears and calls my name I'm going to ray my hat!!"

Well it turned out I NEEDED the fibre?! Lol.

When that guy does call me in we have a chat and he is not convinced I have Charcot Marie Tooth and I state that I find it incredible and unlikely to think that I just so happened to have developed all the same just if symptoms as CMT.

He does admit that because he THINKS it is not what affects me does not mean that it is not that...so much so that he now fully intends to have a series of tests performed on me....at the Royal Free Hospital which involved some electrical testing like the Tarsal and Carpal Tunnel Syndrome Tests.

Also oddly he does what seems like a thorough test and includes my reactor muscles. He says they are all fine and I say "Well that IS odd! According to private Chiropractor my knees are delayed and the Podiatrist stated my heels did not react at all...NOTHING!

He seem surprised to hear this.

He mentions the look of the litter legs from wasting and I then say "oh champagne flutes?" which causes a raised eyebrow.

My head so spinning as he has contradicted nearly everyone I have been sent to for several years and I try to get him to contradict my GP in stating he says that done people NEVER find out what is wrong with them and he agrees with this.

I say "ooh bore hold on a minute here. This is the 21st century and with the science and technology available today I cannot really accept that statement! Or does it only simply to the NHS?" He says no the NHS have access to everything and again I hear something I do not believe and decide not to make any more remarks.

His insistence to send me for the tests for something he thinks I do not have among with guys public schoolboy accent makes me start to wonder.

After I have left I notice the dark and dreary sky and how miserable it looks si recall how I saw this chap 500 yards away in a different building and suspected he was the Doctor I was to see. I even told him this when I first entered and you can hear us speak of it on the tape!

It is then I recall that s he was walking along with a woman and chatting he looks sty me and does a very little double take. I think it was this I picked up on and as I eventually passed him I thought he was the Doctor I was to see though we had never met previously.

The odd thing is this is the only sensible and scientific reason I suspected he was this Neurologist. That glance at me and that ever so subtle double take... But...

That would them mean he recognised me and as I started we had not met previously and no picture of me exists in my medical records.

As mad as it sounds suddenly all the little facts point towards me being well and truly expected and prepared for.

The doubting of the possibilities if what I have seemed a little much too. You heart new counter things he says with triassic possibilities but with no reaction.

You also hear me state after being told done people never find out that I did think for many years that this works mean I had a condition our injuries never before described by science and that I would therefore become a fascination to Doctors and Specialists sd they could then study me and write a scientific paper and make a name for themselves?!

Rather oddly this does not cause a reaction either which suggests that all Doctor's befit hand fall into one if two categories...

1) They were well aware of what I have but did not, out were forced to, me being aware if it and/or...

2) They were not really confident our capable Doctors to study something new and unknown to want to take interest as this would then expose them not being for to be Doctors?!

Welllll I typed and/or but it can really only be I've our the other.

You will also note how I remark about being given drugs you do not want and he states that Doctors are ordered to give certain drugs and are told off if they do not?!

So no evidence if corruption there then?!

Now things are a little slow as I turned my kaori into two computers, just go with me on this too tricky to explain. Now the NEW part, Operating System called Ubuntu and a Linux Operating System based on UNIX, so like Apple, lol, works but took a week and now has screwed up Windows 7 and of course and just sd I complained about no hard coot of Operating Systems given with laptops is recipe for disaster....now I have a DISASTER! LMAO!

So no games, no Skyrim or any enjoyment right now just frustration, lol...

So I ended up at Sainsburys after now painkillers and upon editing it is pis pouring down with rain and cold. A thousand times I've taken out an umbrella and not used it and today is a rare occasion as I don't bloody have one!

So u get home soaked through and child and with the joys of spending my seventh evening attempting to get Windows working again when out dawns on my during this that Windows had been deliberately designed not to work with the LINUX OS and they have even charged me for this fecking mess and kept me from having a hard copy of the disc which would have had be sort out out in a few hours.

Now I an not sure how rio get around this and fecking fed up with being at the shit end of the stock because corporate twats like Steve Bullmer wants to behave like a butter as he did in the military and just railroad anyone else who might be a threat to Microsoft's dominance no matter how small they are.

With LINUX its a bit more than that as it is actually FREE and exists because the people who created it and worked tirelessly on it did it because of their dislike you're Microsoft.

Indeed it is this reason for its existence that certain companies who are now using employing very cheeky and sneeky methods in an attempt to make money out if something they did not really have a hand in creating and if you decide to do that it will backfire and cause them no end of trouble.

Problem with the world? Took many people want millions if pounds while doing feck well for it and then moan and point the finger at the jobless and disabled people over things they have no control over and get one to two hundred quid a week to live on?

Well hand on a minute you get thousands and possibly tens thousands a week or more and you for on you're fat arse too!

The difference if they are in no perdition to open their mouths because they CHOOSE to sir on their fat arse while still the money rolls in when the vast majority if the jobless and all if the disabled have NO CHOICE IN THE MATTER!

Now that is the difference and will prove KEY at done point st just how God damn thick and naive these people really are.

Yeah I had a pretty miserable day, lol.

Still you gotta soldier on...ooh sorry Mr Bullmer...no pun intended...HONEST!

Lol.