Showing posts with label lonely. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lonely. Show all posts

Thursday, 7 January 2016

THE LONELY HOUR

Of all the oddest things to hear spoken about in the news media one I never thought I would ever hear is that of loneliness.

Especially being named as a health problem and hearing the word 'death' used.

Loneliness is the strangest of topics and yet as the years have gone by I have cine to realise it's one of the easiest things to put rhyme and reason to. This does not provide answers, only the causes.

I have sat and watched people for decades and still do today get drawn back into their own worlds and away from others. This normally starts out with friends or more correctly, loose acquaintances before affecting closer friends and eventually family members.

To me this appears to be the same issue that dogs most of the world as far as it's leaders are concerned. It comes down to us falling back on the one dark area of us all we try to pretend, or just shore an outward appearance, of being far removed from.

Us behaving like animals.

We gravitate towards the things that interest us most. As you get closer you inevitably become more focused on this. As we direct more of our focus towards these things it therefore is easy to understand that other things will lose our focus.

We only seen to be able to take on so many things in our lives.

This is compounded by the fact that we are expected to take on mid and more work and responsibility while others, like public services fur example, shed off more and more info our shoulders.

If we go back several decades to when our parents were young or better still our grandparents there was far less to deal with. All you have to do to see this is to compare the number of bills someone in the 1960's would have to pay to that of today.

The one bill that everyone today would likely have that never existed a few decades back is, of course, that of the mobile phone.

If I then turn to one other thing that was not around a few decades back this one thing alone not only has it's own bill but to that are connected many other bills that could run into a dozen for some people.

The Internet.

Companies use crap packaging because it's cheap and the general public are now meant to not just post for this but use our own time, therefore less of theirs, to divide it up for those paid to take it away.

The list can go on and on and on.

For me ... well I'm a little different and I have a long list of interests with many in sciences, martial arts, cycling, nature and would love to travel more. I also like a few of the typically seen as 'male' interests too. Making myself different further I am interested in areas, especially technical or at least would be, in other things. In other words if I dated someone who was a meteorologist, volcanologist, marine biologist or one other in another long list I would show an above average interest in what they do.

Yet along with one other thing I should have been doing, or at least had, over the years I have been without it. These two are linked, despite the fact I have deliberately not stated the other, in a peculiar way.

I have, regardless of people regarding themselves with more intelligence than they deserve, been single for over 13 years ... I think ... at last count ... and I can't remember when I last counted! Lol.
It is for this reason, at least in part, that I have learned everything I have done about corruption, acquired all that I have and published soon that I have. I have been aware of this for a fair old while.
But now they are speaking about loneliness in the media? Not sure why the word 'death' was mentioned.

I can't imagine myself being anything other than alone. I also wonder what others will think about if they hear of the topic in the media? Likely not very much.

In recent times I've been glaringly aware that my conversation has not been welcomed because before long I'd be doing and acquiring many things they used to have or dreamed about. So much so that it became obvious with some that they didn't want it to happen. This topic was even brought up with one person and he said this was natural human behaviour. Of course I had no doubt this would happen online with some people. People would simply refuse to believe what I was saying and all that I was doing and had done. This is why I spent several years gathering as much evidence as I had.
I still one that people would be resistant to believing to the point of absurdity and even being rude and insulting. This means nothing to me and will only serve to be self destructive.

Very recently there was world war three in my world and I stood on the bylines despite being in the front row.

Yesterday I found out that something was said and that something rather big and surprising had happened.

"I didn't realise and cannot believe how much Martin had changed" was said between at least two members of my family.

Someone else then said "I think Martin changed a long time ago!"

Only a few weeks back it was Theory City among these family members and like always the winds whisper gently in my ear. Though not as much as they used to judging from some of the things I got to hear lately.

I had also been praised repeatedly by someone who normally does the exact opposite. Because I helped him, or rather his son in a situation that got completely out of hand.

Who said this to me?

The other person in the world war three scenario.

The other thing they realised over that ever so short and significant period in time is that I was not in the mood they was expecting. Not even within a million miles of that mood.

In trying to get through to people now eager to hear what I know, what I do and how I am like I am today I told them the how's and the why's buy told them I was not going to pretend it was easy. I explained it's not something you can do overnight. Or two dozen nights for that matter.

I also realised that the real culprit, who I had singled out in my mind only before world war three even ended, was trying to close ranks and divert suspicion. Because I had deliberately asked them a question I already knew the answer to and I told this warring side about this. They were initially dismissive when I mentioned it before. Not any longer and I told her that you can't see clearly when your like that.

I also told both of them that the one that overreacts first ... LOSES. The one that remains calm in any conflict will win, by default or otherwise.

I think they left realising I had changed more than even they had previously realised.

This was one faction that I knew would be a headache because of the fact I had not gone on the traveling I was supposed to. The traveling plans I had alluded to on here since last April, 2015.
Rather surprisingly I completely defused a situation, well as much as was possible, and in the process showed a whole bunch of people enough to stop and take notice.

A shame I cannot do this with everyone. Still, it's a start that I didn't expect to reach until later in 2016. Much later in 2016.

The other problem factor, well in my own continuing endeavours, may have been sorted out too, thigh there will still be others. One with their own theory that I quite calmly blew into pieces. Not realising I had he said "... but not lately ..." to which I said "Umm, yeah ... lately. I just decided not to talk about it"

This not only told him his theory was dead in the water but that maybe I can read faces and body language as well as I say I do and van yell what people are saying when I'm absent, like I I say I do?
Hopefully.

But I can't imagine myself being that lucky twice in a matter of days and over the time I thought would be the hardest of all and had wondered if I would get through in one piece?

A couple of weeks could, of course, see us all back at the beginning.

Why do these troubles plague, dog and bother them and therefore me?

Well they have too many things going on in their lives and too much stress and pressure.

I've had nightmares like this in spades and for over two decades, three even but I spent 8 months, thanks to idiot court judges, on the precipice of ending all my issues quite literally overnight.
As it turned out no one wanted to hear that.

So if you won the lottery you might want to think carefully before telling anyone!

Someone told me that this was good everyone is. I asked him for an example of me being like this. He couldn't think of a single time, to his surprise.

But I've gone a long time with very little. I have more reason that anyone that I know or ever met to act this way. But I don't.

So being single ... well ... it's not easy and its been a long time, I won't deny that. But I didn't allow ask that time to be wasted. I wanted to do some very big things and knew I was capable.

I've been busy buying some things, not air quickly enough but better late than never, now that my money is my own again.

I'll spend the next month buying some things.

The plan was to buy an Astell & Kern music player but I've decided that desire his much I want one it is something that will not be that productive. Well ... beyond doing a video and blog review of it though followed by new headphones.

As I stated, I've decided not to do that. Instead I've decided to go for some gadgets, five thus far with two electrical, that will make those unproductive periods far more productive.

I have my eyes on at least three more electrical items and several other accessory items. Then in about a months time I can get around to putting these at work.

Plus an unrelated item also electrical linked to something else in the house I will start work on, rearrange and start providing videos of.

That's two completely new branches, subject material, for me to include to help boost everything and hopefully the wildlife area will be productive this year where it was crap, due to weather, last year?
How do you deal with the loneliness? Keep busy doing something you enjoy, even playing video games, lol.

These days and for me it cannot be just this thing or that thing and has to be many things.

The other option is to find people or a potential partner where the attraction guess beyond looks alone, something very few I know do. I only want someone with intelligence, a spark and with interests that along with mine, complement each other's.

Maybe people should learn to switch off and tell those ravenous wolves to feck off and concentrate on your personal and social life.

Ignoring the absolute cocks you get online who like to be nasty, abusive, sarcastic and without any intelligence at all who think themselves far smarter than they are and hide behind their monitors under a false name in their bedrooms, of course! *sharp intake of breath*

These people only take up natural resources of this planet they thoroughly don't deserve. Or just haven't grown up. Worst still, won't ever grow up.

Oh and then there are the evil ones, one of those I attack on here, that feel like they have to for something, equally as stupid, in an attempt to make an honest person look like a liar.

It's quite funny really as I imagined the first few years to be rife with wars of words, that wouldn't last long I assure you, with morons of one of the above two groups.

I have ... something ... I think it is close to that? I'm not really sure, lol. Something about idiot blog writers ... somewhere. Not sure if they was saying I was or it was someone that thinks blog writers are idiots but I got their attention? Lol.

I'm not your average blog writer mainly because I'm not your average idiot. I'm an exceptional idiot!
Oh and I forgot I did manage to see Star Wars The Force Awakens within all of the other shenanigans.

Well ... it was kinda OK. Bit weird as I was not that interested, then saw the trailer a few weeks back and was sold. But it was not as good as I was expecting.

Ended like that which I hated Empire Strikes Back for, end of part one crap. Kylo Ren, the antagonist or one of, turned out to be an average boyish looking spotty teenager and the voice was over saturated in the trailer to make him sound more menacing than he was in the film.

My friend laughed and said afterwards "Did you fall asleep?!" and I said I nearly did twice and that's never happened before on even watching Sandra Bullock's The Net years ago. That was the first time I felt as if I was mugged going into the building to the point I might take some pepper spray next time.

How tens of millions of pounds hey spent on a film that ends up garbage is beyond me. I don't normally take notice of what others say but luckily enough was said about Fantastic Four, or Fant Four Stick, for me to save my money. Lol.

Unlike the aforementioned travesty I will buy Star Wars The Force Awakens when it comes out. Don't read too much into my falling asleep add I do have a sleep disorder. Lol. Still ... if it was gripping from beginning to end, which I thought it would be, I wouldn't get closer to falling asleep.
I will be in the cinema in March and guarantee you I doubt I will even blink, let alone fall asleep. That would be Batman V Superman Dawn of Justice!

I am beginning to believe this may happen with the new X-Men Apocalypse movie too! Doctor Strange too?!

Well let's hope every time I go to the cinema, which looks to be a lot through 2016, I don't ever feel I'm going to fall asleep, not even once!

So yeah ... Star Wars is OK. I don't think JJ Abrahams did a good a job with Star Wars as he did Star Trek. But it's good, just a bit slow in places and I did feel the trailer showed at least most of the best bits. Though there was one nice surprise near the end.

My estimation on who Kylo Ren was, was a little ... out. Only a little, mind you. Glad it wasn't the character I feared it would be, that might have destroyed the while movie for me. Lol!

In fact I thought my friend was mad because he had already seen it and said it was OK. He did day it was better the second time around. I said that I had initially thought he was mad as everyone what raved about the movie but this time he was spot on. He rarely is. Lol.

Well he thought Wolverine Origins was the best X-Men movie based on Deapool, got excited when I told him he had hid own movie and watched the clips, seed the posters and hates it. In his words? 

Acting like a gay hero and dues not have those blades he had in Wolverine Origins ... you can lead a horse to water.

No he is not and never was a comic reader and not familiar with Deadpool. I was a comic reader but not familiar with Deadpool but realise he was popular enough that I should take notice!

My mate? No Katana Swords out good hands ... he's out! Lol!

Monday, 27 January 2014

THE FADED MEMORIES OF LOVE

Today was a strange day, a strange day indeed.

I never thought I would post anything at all today as the lack of sleep at all last night was bound to have me zombified all day. Also I would become more and more nauseous and tired as the day write on. I left the house fairly early with the intention of staying out as long as I could as this should help me sleep normal tonight. Added to this had I stayed here I would have spent the day fighting off the land of nod.
I went into my friends store and they were moving some things around in the store and I just chatted about my increased frequency of posts, that TPUC website and done if the news reports I had ousted about.

While I was there something quite bizarre happened.

Something quite unexpected that had me in a fair amount of surprise for the rest of the day and will not get over it for a fair while.

I was standing just inside the doorway when outside the shop door and standing in the scarce winter sunshine was a woman. Adorned with large sunglasses and bending back a little she looks at me and speaks and I can make out she says hello. I am wondering who she is and if she is taking to me when her identity occurs to me but cannot believe it could be her and do not want to call her by the name in case I am wrong. Now that WOULD be embarrassing!

She removes her sunglasses and sure enough it is her. I am somewhat astounded. It is Ruby and I have not laid eyes on her in about 4 years. I never thought I ever would again in all honesty.

I first met her around 5 years ago. I immediately liked her which I found somewhat strange for me and I think the feeling was mutual. She was popping into the ship I was hanging around in fairly regular fur a chat and we got in very well. So much so it was noticed by all and it was brought up in conversion...a lot. I spoke about us seeing each other and have her my number but it never happened. Never did quite out my finger on it but I must have put her off somehow.

Eventually she just vanished.

A year later she turns up in the shop and my late friend Old Ken is standing there when she walks in and I later found he spotted her straight away and thought she was very nice. I walked in from an unseen part of the shop and say hello. We stand outside the front and chat for awhile before she leaves. Ken, it turns out, was blown away that I knew her and that we got on so well and I Custer his home that evening and he could not so talking about it and how well we got on and looked like a couple. I kept telling him he was wrong and eventually had to tell him that this I'd his we was the year before and were going to date. But something went awry and it did not happen. Even so he was STILL convinced she would be back and we would date. I told him that it would not happen and a year before 4 or 5 mutual friends thought the same thing. Of course I have realised that someone I knew St the time could have scuppered it as she did do just that with two others, lol.

I bet Ken that I would not see her again and I didn't, well that is until today!

She stated that she did not live in the area anymore and I asked her shut her car which she no longer had. We charted for about ten minutes before she had to leave.

Not thinking she had been recognised my mate looked at me in a little shock and said "bloody hell, there is s boost from the past?!" Well it was his shop I originally met her in and he was one that noticed and thought she was into me! I reminisced about our late friend and how he thought that we were destined to date and how I must have born it somehow and just never figured out how.

I was tired and without sleep and fecking somewhat frayed around the edge so a little more vulnerable than I would otherwise be. I found myself wondering whether or not she would start to do what she did when we first met?! Now knowing where the new shop is and that I was now seen there would she pop up again? I wondered if it might be possible that she may have later regretted not dating me but then after a few hours I remembered how I had been through this before.

It seems lack of sleep, scarred from Fibromyalgia, battle weary and an excrement long time single just had that little feeling of the flicker of a flame of the possibility of passion and love reentering my life after a very long absence just might be detected bright a warm feeling of hope into my heart.

Did that giant floating finger of fate just decided that I do not have enough misery and longing in my life that it might remind me of a gaping hole in my heart?!

It sadly seems that way.

Thursday, 17 October 2013

CHRONICALLY LONELY

Hmm this is....interesting.

I have been single for ten years and have had two friends die, one run away and one I ran away from for using me.

I have one remaining I have known a long time but despite this we do not really meet on a higher level, have little in common and his wife is always sending him over here when one of five laptops, other devices or the crap Virgin broadband fails to work, which is a lot.

I keep telling him to troll his family members to read what it says on the dialogue boxes as they end up adding six search toolbars to each of their browsers which showed them down. All the laptops were bought cheap and ate Intel Atom processors and they start playing games on Facebook and I keep explaining that when you start it's ok but more things going on in the game will slow down.

I told them once that adding ram well speed things up a little but they do not realise it won't let them play Farmville. Still they make the same mistakes. I have suggested they but a beginner's book on computing and I've or two people read it and teach the others but it don't happen. Every for months their laptops need a destructive and clean install of Windows XP which should be once a year at least. Sometimes he turns up with two in a bag, lol. They want me to go over and speak to Virgins engineers on the phone which is crazy because they are not engineers! Last time the 'engineer' came out her installed TWO WIFI ROUTERS which cancels each other out?!

I would have been called over for that if it were not for his uncle visiting and realising. They switched one off and hey Presto it worked. That was about four months ago and its slowed down to a crawl again. If I go over and have to speak to the engineers again I am going to have a go at them and tell them that I will BILL THEM if they fail to sort out their broadband!

Another friend told me they were with Virgin but had a lot of problems with them and their broadband connection and ditched them for Sky?!

Maybe it's because there is nothing going on in my life that I get....touchy and maybe the constant daily pain along with boredom adds to this too? But these are not things I have any control over and nor can I do anything about them without help and support and there isn't any!

Work would cure my boredom, companionship my loneliness and less pain each day my touchy nature.

But getting on a packed bus with smelly and rude people while I am in pain is a recipe for disaster no matter how desperate I am to do something! I do not do it do that I do not end up hurting someone that MAYBE does not deserve it or does but I will end up being the villain!

So what I do it's I do what I can which for the last four years is not a great deal. I work on different ideas and hope something comes off including my 14 blogs and my YouTube account now. Thus far nothing doing but I am in a better position that I was two years ago. However long it realistically takes for the blogs to start working for me I am now 14 months closer to it than when I started and with 60,000 visitors too! So a year from now will have the numbers going crazy for all of the blogs.

It does not end there either! I have had an idea I have wanted to get into since long before my father died. Oddly it was since my daughter was wrenched from my life. I arranged everything to start it many years ago but shelved it to go to University instead and I thought that the better option.

Started thinking about taking this path again a few years back and then all hell broke loose and it once again was placed on the back burner.Towards the end of last year I thought about it again but nothing happened. When the weather become warm it gets too hot in my house to do anything and one again it got shelved. If I don't start it between now and next April it will be shelved once again until next Autumn 2014!

So when greedy overpriced Ron Energy pissed me off two weeks ago I paid them twenty pounds instead of the one hundred I had intended to show that I cannot be threatened and bullied. I took the money and I used it to acquire some tools that will help me make a start!

I do not want to say right now what it is, only that I have made a concerted effort by not giving away all my money that come from inhuman and tight public offices and giving it all to inhuman and greedy private energy companies, among with others! Lol.

You cannot make Chilli without Peppers!

That statement is something that government, or the Puppet Masters, need to learn and learn fast. Instead of being born into a life of Riley where everything is provided for you from day one you should know it's not easy like it was for you for others!!

Ooh yeah you better believe I mean that, lol. Even to build a house you cannot make a house without bricks and three go not cone out of thin air or arrive like rain for free! Water does that and someone wants to charge you hundreds of pounds a year for it!

It does not matter how many times you nag and repeat yourself it will not make your B.S. into facts. Those on the bottom need a step, not a whip!

Hunt highlights plight of the lonely http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-24572231