Thursday, 7 January 2016
THE LONELY HOUR
Monday, 27 January 2014
THE FADED MEMORIES OF LOVE
Today was a strange day, a strange day indeed.
I never thought I would post anything at all today as the lack of sleep at all last night was bound to have me zombified all day. Also I would become more and more nauseous and tired as the day write on. I left the house fairly early with the intention of staying out as long as I could as this should help me sleep normal tonight. Added to this had I stayed here I would have spent the day fighting off the land of nod.
I went into my friends store and they were moving some things around in the store and I just chatted about my increased frequency of posts, that TPUC website and done if the news reports I had ousted about.
While I was there something quite bizarre happened.
Something quite unexpected that had me in a fair amount of surprise for the rest of the day and will not get over it for a fair while.
I was standing just inside the doorway when outside the shop door and standing in the scarce winter sunshine was a woman. Adorned with large sunglasses and bending back a little she looks at me and speaks and I can make out she says hello. I am wondering who she is and if she is taking to me when her identity occurs to me but cannot believe it could be her and do not want to call her by the name in case I am wrong. Now that WOULD be embarrassing!
She removes her sunglasses and sure enough it is her. I am somewhat astounded. It is Ruby and I have not laid eyes on her in about 4 years. I never thought I ever would again in all honesty.
I first met her around 5 years ago. I immediately liked her which I found somewhat strange for me and I think the feeling was mutual. She was popping into the ship I was hanging around in fairly regular fur a chat and we got in very well. So much so it was noticed by all and it was brought up in conversion...a lot. I spoke about us seeing each other and have her my number but it never happened. Never did quite out my finger on it but I must have put her off somehow.
Eventually she just vanished.
A year later she turns up in the shop and my late friend Old Ken is standing there when she walks in and I later found he spotted her straight away and thought she was very nice. I walked in from an unseen part of the shop and say hello. We stand outside the front and chat for awhile before she leaves. Ken, it turns out, was blown away that I knew her and that we got on so well and I Custer his home that evening and he could not so talking about it and how well we got on and looked like a couple. I kept telling him he was wrong and eventually had to tell him that this I'd his we was the year before and were going to date. But something went awry and it did not happen. Even so he was STILL convinced she would be back and we would date. I told him that it would not happen and a year before 4 or 5 mutual friends thought the same thing. Of course I have realised that someone I knew St the time could have scuppered it as she did do just that with two others, lol.
I bet Ken that I would not see her again and I didn't, well that is until today!
She stated that she did not live in the area anymore and I asked her shut her car which she no longer had. We charted for about ten minutes before she had to leave.
Not thinking she had been recognised my mate looked at me in a little shock and said "bloody hell, there is s boost from the past?!" Well it was his shop I originally met her in and he was one that noticed and thought she was into me! I reminisced about our late friend and how he thought that we were destined to date and how I must have born it somehow and just never figured out how.
I was tired and without sleep and fecking somewhat frayed around the edge so a little more vulnerable than I would otherwise be. I found myself wondering whether or not she would start to do what she did when we first met?! Now knowing where the new shop is and that I was now seen there would she pop up again? I wondered if it might be possible that she may have later regretted not dating me but then after a few hours I remembered how I had been through this before.
It seems lack of sleep, scarred from Fibromyalgia, battle weary and an excrement long time single just had that little feeling of the flicker of a flame of the possibility of passion and love reentering my life after a very long absence just might be detected bright a warm feeling of hope into my heart.
Did that giant floating finger of fate just decided that I do not have enough misery and longing in my life that it might remind me of a gaping hole in my heart?!
It sadly seems that way.
Thursday, 17 October 2013
CHRONICALLY LONELY
Hmm this is....interesting.
I have been single for ten years and have had two friends die, one run away and one I ran away from for using me.
I have one remaining I have known a long time but despite this we do not really meet on a higher level, have little in common and his wife is always sending him over here when one of five laptops, other devices or the crap Virgin broadband fails to work, which is a lot.
I keep telling him to troll his family members to read what it says on the dialogue boxes as they end up adding six search toolbars to each of their browsers which showed them down. All the laptops were bought cheap and ate Intel Atom processors and they start playing games on Facebook and I keep explaining that when you start it's ok but more things going on in the game will slow down.
I told them once that adding ram well speed things up a little but they do not realise it won't let them play Farmville. Still they make the same mistakes. I have suggested they but a beginner's book on computing and I've or two people read it and teach the others but it don't happen. Every for months their laptops need a destructive and clean install of Windows XP which should be once a year at least. Sometimes he turns up with two in a bag, lol. They want me to go over and speak to Virgins engineers on the phone which is crazy because they are not engineers! Last time the 'engineer' came out her installed TWO WIFI ROUTERS which cancels each other out?!
I would have been called over for that if it were not for his uncle visiting and realising. They switched one off and hey Presto it worked. That was about four months ago and its slowed down to a crawl again. If I go over and have to speak to the engineers again I am going to have a go at them and tell them that I will BILL THEM if they fail to sort out their broadband!
Another friend told me they were with Virgin but had a lot of problems with them and their broadband connection and ditched them for Sky?!
Maybe it's because there is nothing going on in my life that I get....touchy and maybe the constant daily pain along with boredom adds to this too? But these are not things I have any control over and nor can I do anything about them without help and support and there isn't any!
Work would cure my boredom, companionship my loneliness and less pain each day my touchy nature.
But getting on a packed bus with smelly and rude people while I am in pain is a recipe for disaster no matter how desperate I am to do something! I do not do it do that I do not end up hurting someone that MAYBE does not deserve it or does but I will end up being the villain!
So what I do it's I do what I can which for the last four years is not a great deal. I work on different ideas and hope something comes off including my 14 blogs and my YouTube account now. Thus far nothing doing but I am in a better position that I was two years ago. However long it realistically takes for the blogs to start working for me I am now 14 months closer to it than when I started and with 60,000 visitors too! So a year from now will have the numbers going crazy for all of the blogs.
It does not end there either! I have had an idea I have wanted to get into since long before my father died. Oddly it was since my daughter was wrenched from my life. I arranged everything to start it many years ago but shelved it to go to University instead and I thought that the better option.
Started thinking about taking this path again a few years back and then all hell broke loose and it once again was placed on the back burner.Towards the end of last year I thought about it again but nothing happened. When the weather become warm it gets too hot in my house to do anything and one again it got shelved. If I don't start it between now and next April it will be shelved once again until next Autumn 2014!
So when greedy overpriced Ron Energy pissed me off two weeks ago I paid them twenty pounds instead of the one hundred I had intended to show that I cannot be threatened and bullied. I took the money and I used it to acquire some tools that will help me make a start!
I do not want to say right now what it is, only that I have made a concerted effort by not giving away all my money that come from inhuman and tight public offices and giving it all to inhuman and greedy private energy companies, among with others! Lol.
You cannot make Chilli without Peppers!
That statement is something that government, or the Puppet Masters, need to learn and learn fast. Instead of being born into a life of Riley where everything is provided for you from day one you should know it's not easy like it was for you for others!!
Ooh yeah you better believe I mean that, lol. Even to build a house you cannot make a house without bricks and three go not cone out of thin air or arrive like rain for free! Water does that and someone wants to charge you hundreds of pounds a year for it!
It does not matter how many times you nag and repeat yourself it will not make your B.S. into facts. Those on the bottom need a step, not a whip!
Hunt highlights plight of the lonely http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-24572231