THE LONG TIME DYING

Ever since I got here in the North West I've been slowly dying. Or at least it has felt like that at times.

As a result of this everything has taken forever to do and there still is stuff to be done.

Some of these are mistakes made by public services who are so fucking incompetent is not true. Oh I'm sure when the time chives they will have all their excuses and I will simply utter one word "Computers .. bitch!" OK .. two words.

It's nothing short of hilarious how they all now expect members of the public to have computers and smart-phones but when it suits them they will claim these are luxury devices.

I'll have a few words for that two-faced approach too "21st Century .. bitch!"

I've had what seems like a cold type virus and it seems to dip down into bad from time to time. I can tell you now that yesterday .. it was the worst ..

It felt as if I'd consumed four or five pints of beer. My vision was delayed when I moved my head and I was dizzy as fuck. I also threw up a lot, which is the fourth time I've done that since getting here.

I managed to set up a Patreon account which I've linked into most of my blogs but not my YouTube channel as yet.

I've also managed to finally and successfully put in a claim for Universal Credit to get back my rent and the payments they cheated me out of and I still have to look into the NEA claim they pulled at the thirteenth hour too.

I still have belongings in storage I've not been able to get back to London to retrieve.

Annoyingly this will take more than one trip too so it's frustrating.

But I've decided I'm going to be more .. ruthless and going to decide to get rid of things .. like my second and old mountain bike for starters.

It's impossible for me to keep track of all the things I had to do, some I didn't expect to have to do until a week ago.

What with my short term memory problem, doggedly stubborn flu virus, being in unknown surroundings and being surrounded by many children it was impossible to get everything done!

Despite the illness, not to mention the return of the chest pain that showed up on my blood pressure monitor as an irregular heart beat, I've managed to get things done.

What remains is a driver's licence renewal, passport and registering at a Doctor's surgery.

In the case of the latter I sincerely hope that the surgery closest to me is not one with stupid rules and jobsworths for reception staff blind to the stupidity. For instance asking everyone to phone in at 8am for an appointment that day?! Yeah I heard of one around here that does that .. sorry but, no! I've heard of this before and people complain that they don't get through or do so too late. Stupid!

Then you have to consider people with sleep disorders or even rushing to work at that time.

Then of course there is the problem of taking a day off work assuming your going to get through to make an appointment.

Fail to do so and it's two days or possibly more off work just to get to a Doctor's appointment?!

What's been my experience is that reception staff have been somewhat uppety in the past and talk like their procedures and rules are not only perfect but that it's the same in all GP surgeries. No .. just, no.

Also I've noticed something else about Universal Credit .. you don't get the first weeks money?

Just .. no!

I also had to lie. I had no choice as it's their fucking incompetence yet again.

I'm here to help my grandchildren because the authorities have not and will not. Unless they go and prove me wrong that is.

I'm also intending to get my business going over the next six months.

The issue is that I'm told that despite being informed of health issues with my grandchildren I am fucked, or we are fucked, until we get an 'official' diagnosis. That's .. convenient!

We have been told by .. what are in essence authorities .. but .. not the right one?!

Ooh boy .. I'm going to have an interview at some point next week and that's going to be I've difficult meeting .. for them at any rate.

They thought I was difficult previously? Well now they can't be their usual gutless, cold and calculating selves without showing themselves to be amoral towards children. Vulnerable children I might add.

After all I've made one of the biggest sacrifices anyone can make. Well .. according to many people back in London along with many people here in the Wirral.

I suppose that with a disability, dodgy right knee, shed load of symptoms, pain, memory problems and hospitals referring me to cardiologists over the irregular heart beat they missed out could look like a big sacrifice?

To me I had no choice.

I simply couldn't have lived with myself had I not relocated and something had gone wrong.

It's 2.30am and I'm typing this out because I spent all day curled up in my new home .. dying .. or rather sleeping. Sleeping off .. the dying?! Lol.

I think in the evening my problem was one of energy as I hadn't eaten anything for 24 hours and had thrown up everything I had eaten the day before anyway.

Yeah .. it was that kind of a night and following day. At least the dizziness seems to have abated. Seems to have abated. Fingers crossed.

I don't know if the Patreon thing will work? It seems to for others and maybe I can build something up so that six months from now I can get enough to get me by and so the photography I want to do?

Of course there are other things I would like to do but I cannot bloody recall what they are right now! It is annoying this memory loss thing. Luckily it's only short term memory!

I've spent a lot more money outside of the tools I need than I expected to.

This is despite the fact I'm missing two photography items.

With a drone that would make three photography items.

Then there is the computer build to be able to process these 42MP photos and 4K videos.

I've yet to get out a single time with my camera and every week I think I'll get out at least once and I don't.

Not getting out with my camera is another source of frustration.

Maybe I can start making a list of places to visit for when I do have the time?

I could also plan a trip back to London to retrieve my stuff with spots I could visit with the camera on the way?

At least then I'll have taken some pictures!

However .. I'm pretty sure my laptop won't be very good at processing the photographs. I'll give it a go though. I suspect it will not be as powerful as my desktop computer .. which struggled with photos.

God help me with the attempt at 4K video editing!

These damned panic and anxiety attacks popping up without warning and whenever they feel like it are not helping either. Nor is getting no sleep.

ALL DRESSED UP AND NOTHING TO BLOW

What a bloody rotten winter we have had in the UK.

I feel sorry for all those poor people who have been flooded out, God knows what they must have been thinking and feeling towards those who were supposed to help.

The fellowship that this nation was once proud of truly has gone down the drain and it is a dog eat dog world and the are no dogs about!

Such a shame.

It has also been driving me nuts, the days are so miserable and I am bored to tears. I was intending to go out but had nowhere to go. The house is in a mess so in the end I thought I would stay in. But staying in has problems that equal those of going out! Except when the wather is OK for cycling.

Also I wonder how all the people that cycle to work are coping?

I mean London, or anywhere vuilt up for that matter, is a bloody nightmare at the best of times and trust me I was knocked down by a car badly enough to be knocked unconscious, woke up wondering why my mattress felt rock hard and then realised, stood up dragged myself to the edge of the road to get out of the way of any other trafiic with dozens of people running towards me before the pain in my right torn thigh had me pass out for a second time?!

At this point most people would say that they were unlucky to be alive!

BUT...

Due to the horrors I have endured and the reapted swift kicks to the gonads and the childhood I ended up giving my daughter and the deifferent pains and health conditions that mounted up from that day that the NHS consistently failed to diagnose then I would so, NO!

I was unlucky to survive!

STILL....MUST'NT GRUMBLE!! LMAO!

No rmeaining in has its own downsides some of which would be the obvious ones and a whole host of them not obvious and unique to me.

So I have been playing music via my laptop, found a form for an freedom pass I did not know I had and filled it in. Then I scanned the pages to it to show what I stated in the form. As always felt that tiny Twitter sized box was not enough so typed out a letter.

Every now and then looking at the window as the rain splashes against it and wondering if the waether is EVER going to pick up at all?!

The other day the sun was out and a bus was coming down the road towards me and it looked very weird. I mentioned it to some friends and they agreed. Seeing everything brightly lit up by the sun was really odd and made you realise just how long you had gone without seeing the sunlight!

Mind you even if I could get out I have no money to spend...again, lol. First time I had some proper cash available to me from my last payment and I had to get that Kata bag! Despite the current realy shitty weather it simply HAS TO break soon?! WHen it does I can reume my normal duries of out on the bike and cycling around with my Tablet PC and Bridge Camera and go on the hunt for anything and everything that I can do a piece on in my blogs!

Also I can hang out in the nicer places and do some typing and posting and I simply have to get some better inspirations this year! Oh and I must do something about getting some arty photos...err for more arty photos blog, lol.

As for the last few blogs and in particular that letter to the cOuncil over my lack of Freedom Passes. Well that one presented itself to me when I found the form I still did not know I had and do not remember it arriving. But that is one letter and I have planned two more, in FACT I have already typed out one and have already printed out another!

A couple more of the growling big cats will be out and among various Pigeons by the end of next week!

So I hope that what may be becoming clear now is that I have forced them into a corner and have done so over several years, making sure every single escape route had been cut off to them all.

It kind of has this idea to it that makes them realise that they cannot do this any longer, the secret is out so to speak and start treating people like human being again. Welll that is until the usurpers come, whoever they may be, and hopefully set up a much better system, or set of systems.

I could do a better job most of the time blindfolded!!

No? Well have I not spent the last 18 months PROVING THAT?!

LMFAO!

Hmm had better do some more tidying up I guess?

Oops except I just remembered that little video?! Lol...