I have been waiting ..
at least in the back of my mind somewhere.
I have been waiting for
a phone-call or something to be said to me that might mean that a
whole can of beans will open up. A call from a family member and not
regarding a certain court case.
Late yesterday
afternoon just as I was about to leave a friend's house after looking
after his animals and a little after a blackout I got that call.
Now I had already had a
conversation with my sister about anxiety and discovered that she got
it enough for someone she knows to offer her the pills she suggested
to me, Propranalol. But yesterday it was one of my brothers who rings
me up, ,tells e he has just had this anxiety attack and described
almost to the letter what I have been getting on and off for about a
decade.
The funny thhing is I
did think he would be the one that potentially could experience more
of what I get but anxiety is not one of the things I thought he would
get.
He is the one that runs
a Ford showroom and came around to me with a Ford Focus RS (or was it
a Fiesta RS, cannot remember) and a Ford Mustang 5.0 V8 to take me
out in the. So he has a job, lived with a girlfriend for 6 years or
more and has three children and a home. My sister does not have a
home, per se, but has a good job and so has her boyfriend but the
rents or so expensive that renting is possible but does not want to
pay those prices and would rather buy a home. Only that to do this
they would have to move outside London. She is living with her
boyfriend's family for now and for the next 3 or 4 months. That is
when her first baby is expected to arrive.
Happy times.
I was fairly shocked as
he described the feelings he got in his chest but he had looked up
all that he could, when there was already a diagnosis that has been
confirmed, and mentioned adrenal gland problems. I told him that I
was not familiar with the adrenal gland and could not even tell him
what it does. I also explained to him that in fourteen years it had
never ever been mentioned to me by any hospital Doctor, specialist or
GP. He asked that I looked it up to see what I thought.
So last night when I
got home it was the first thing I did and I found a number of
disorders, one that had dizziness standing up but nothing about full
on seizures and another explaining anxiety. I also seem to remember
spotting one or two other things amongst the symptoms of different
things. But for my condition to be an adrenal gland disorder it would
have to be at least two or maybe even three different disorders and
it would not explain all my symptoms. Like my Plantar fasciitis
symptoms for one. Skin conditions for another.
Also and I did not get
to explain this to him as his dinner was ready but before they
diagnose Fibromyalgia they normally test for just about everything
else. He did state that it was diagnosed via a blood test and I did
tell him that over the years I had several blood tests but he said
that he discovered that they rarely specifically look for it. But I
did not get to tell him that they probably do in the case of
Fibromyalgia as they rule out everything else before they would even
refer you off to a Fibromyalgia specialist.
My brother had also had
the palpitations and the pulling feeling, I asked him if it felt like
his heart was made out of rubber bands and that someone was pulling
apart to the point off breaking? More or less was the answer.
This is now going to
make conversations with Doctors and courts extremely interesting over
the coming year.
I had guessed that the
first one and maybe the only one that might experience a few of the
symptoms like mine and keep getting negative test results would be
this one. Because he had been in a couple of bad car accidents and as
Morgan Freeman and I eventually realised it is first aggravated by a
car accident, or a very hard blow to the head. Anything close enough
to cause whiplash is a certain trigger. This is because of a kink in
the head which in all honesty probably why more people have had it in
more recent times.
Because after around
the fifties and sixties the motor car became more available to the
masses and they also gradually got faster. Before cars were widely
used there was far less chance of us getting blows to the head or
having our heads jolted. We simply were not built to race around at
speeds, though many governments now fully expect us to, lol.
Weird though how e hate
sitting in traffic, is it not? Lol.
Not everyone can get
Fibromyalgia either, the lucky bastards! No you have to have a little
kink in your central nervous system around the bas of the neck. In a
jolt this gets kinked even more and it starts of signals firing off
wrongly and you do not get restorative sleep, in the case of the
latter you might get insomnia but even if you do not you wont know
your not getting restorative sleep. The only way of knowing, other
than being monitored obviously, is that you wake up every morning
feeling like your tired and like you have not been asleep at all.
Things become an effort to do and it just carries on getting worse.
There is a way of
managing this and the very first thing you must do or as soon as you
are able is to buy a bike. Especially if you get foot pains that make
walking difficult, an effort or even almost impossible. Doing light
exercise does seem to mange the levels but I learnt this on my own
years before I had my own diagnosis of Fibromyalgia confirmed and
long before I even diagnosed myself I was cycling regularly. Every
other day, in fact. Speaking of facts the man that diagnosed me
stated that he knew I had suffered with Fibromyalgia a long time
because I cycled so much and had worked out it was the best way to
get around and deal with my symptoms.
I had kind of hoped
that no one else in my family would experience the symptoms of
Fibromyalgia but from my research into it I did not think that
nothing occurring with anyone else was very likely. I had been told
of several things but I had not had a collection of things with any
one person. I had also met others that went through crap like I did,
though only for a few years and not fourteen years like me, was not
diagnosed for 3 or 4 years and then not believed by family and
friends until a sister started getting symptoms and then SHE was
diagnosed with it!
Maybe me being the
oldest in my generation across my entire family and the three bad car
accidents I had, with the first at around 13 or 14 years of age, it
was just destined to be like this for me?
I was into comics when
I was a kid and of course I am into comic book movies today. I always
wanted to be Superman because he could fly and that would be cool and
I could go around saving people as he did in the movies and in the
comics. Today I think about how cool it would be that I never have to
be on my feet! I also seen clips of The Flash and think how cool it
would be to zip around and do everything I need to in no time at all.
I am at a wedding this
weekend, or supposed to be, so I will get to see this brother and get
a chance to talk about this some more. What none of them know is that
it is quite complex and there are some specific things that will tell
you it is Fibromyalgia, if they are getting the symptoms already that
is. I did text him and state that you get a lump feeling in your
armpits with certain clothing and that on the opposite side, in your
deltoids, you get this weird pain when you lift your arms up high
enough which is normally close to or just past shoulder height. These
are just two things that always stuck in my mind about Fibromyalgia
and was already convinced this is what afflicted me before I read
about them. When I did read about them that was it, no more doubt.
The funny thing is that I never got to mention these to the GP I was
under when I was diagnosed as just after diagnosis he got a call from
someone from within the NHS that I was recording our appointments and
obviously told him to get me to stop. He thought he had, then found
out an hour long row we had was published on my blog, this blog, that
same evening. I got a letter two days later kicking me off his
register stating a break down in trust. No mention of what he
repeated for an hour that I was breaking the law, lol. I kept
answering him that I wasn't.
Also to kick you off a
register they need to have a bloody good reason, going by the NHS's
own rules. They did not have one. They tried a couple of made up
reasons, one of which being a mental health problem which had already
been ruled out twice you a couple of years before. Oops, should tryu
reading the medical records, lol. That was the second time in a row I
was kicked off a register and the only two times I was kicked off a
register. But that was because I had not only known I was being lied
to quite deliberately but I also realise that they had in fact known
that I had Fibromyalgia for some time. This was due to two things and
two people. A pain specialist that told me what my Gabapentin and
Tramadol would and would not work on two years before for two areas
of pain that had not even been x-rayed or scanned, let alone
diagnosed, even at a guess for either. No the fact was that they had
switched one drug, Gabapentin that was making me ill, for a totally
unrelated one, Amitriptyline when I wanted Pregabalin and was refused
it. These two drugs not only had the first positive effects on my
condition I had ever experienced but in a particular version of
Black's Medical Dictionary were the only two drugs to have an effect
on Fibromyalgia and they did not know why.
I was also interested
to see that if someone else had a collection of symptoms whether they
would get fobbed off and lied to by their own Doctors? Even if they
go ahead and mention Fibromyalgia to their Doctors at some point, it
might get played down or lied about. However as they are both working
and I was not it might go very differently for them. As after I
realised for sure they were lying to me I suddenly remembered that
for two GP practices in a row, only because it happened quickly, I
was asked if I was working when I registered and I suddenly thought …
'well why would they want to know that?' Now if they asked if I was
working with any dangerous substances or materials, that I would have
not given a second thought. Indeed anything that could be related to
conditions of effects that could take place on me that would me that
would make a diagnosis and potentially dangerous one a lot quicker I
can fully understand. But what difference would it make if I was
working or not?
Unless the NHS set out
a rule for General Practitioners to follow? Only thing that makes
sense and I have spent years thinking up of the possibilities. Why
spend money on someone that is currently paying no taxes? Oops!
Maybe they should do an
intelligence test or ask people registering if they have Doctorates
or Degrees? I have the latter and stupidly turned down the former
where I would have coded simulation software to teach surgeons how to
perform keyhole surgery. Oops! Yeah … they should have asked me,
lol.
Hmm I have only just
realised after all these years that there was a fellow student called
Bill, wont put his surname, who stayed on at Middlesex University. I
wonder if he got offered what I did? If he did I wonder if he was
told that I had in fact turned it down? Lol. Git! Lol.
I could not post this
straight away because my Internet credit ran out. So thought now that
I was back that I might mention something that happened. Something
that shows another reason I should and can not travel on public
transport during peak periods. For this was not a peak period.
I got on a bus and had
a woman in front of me with a bag or something and in front of her
someone taking forever to find a seat. It was something stupid,
cannot remember exactly but think it was being indecisive about what
seat they wanted. I was standing by the exit doors while they decided
when some guy behind me said “excuse me” and I looked round to my
right ans saw a guy coming up my right side. I thought he was trying
to get off, which was a bit weird because I was at the beginning of
the route at Waltham Cross bus garage and on a '217' bus. The exit
doors were, therefore, closed. He then went around the woman in front
of me and went and sat in the seat in the furthest right hand corner
and I was already annoyed.
He was fucking lucky he
was out of arms reach by the time I realised what he was doing as I
was wanted to reach out and grab him by the fucking neck, open the
exit doors and throw him out foe being so fucking rude.
I went and sat down in
the rear most middle seat and looked to my right and stared at him
but he was engrossed in something … oh yeah I remember now he was
rooting around in a black backpack. Suddenly he had a phone in his
hand and the next thing I knew he was talking to someone on his
phone. After a couple of minutes I heard the word “pokeballs” and
then “lucky egg” and heard him say he was heading for Southbury,
which is in Enfield. I wondered if that was why he was rushing around
and was extremely tempted to ask him how barging past people and
being rude and did he think that would make the bus go any quicker or
help him get any more Pokemon that he otherwise would?
I had put some tea tree
oil on my head as my skin problem on my scalp was flaring up. The
aramour had not only lingered it had quite bizarrely made me smell
like a swimming pool all afternoon as it smelt like chloride. In fact
it was like those foot baths you walk through at some swimming pools
that have a higher concentration of chlorine to kill any diseases you
might have on your feet. Germs and things that can lead to warts,
that sort of thing. Out of the corner of my eye I see the guy turn
and look at me and I thought if this was the kind of person that
would mention something to someone that was embarrassing in a public
place he was now going to go to hospital. 'Ask me, go on' I thought
to myself 'and I will now lose it and beat the crap out of you!'
He then shifted to the
seat facing him and then after a few seconds he got up and walked
down the bus and I thought he was getting off and wondered why he had
bothered changing seats?
But he did not ring the
bell and walked past the exit doors and fucking went upstairs?! I
recall he was telling a mate that someone they knew was an idiot and
talking BS and I suddenly thought 'I think you have a few issues
yourself, mate!'
Barging around the bus
because of a fucking Pokemon Go game,, fidgety and switching seats
all over the place strongly suggested that there was something not
quite right with him. I do not think it was autism as he seemed to
speak OK. But them maybe autism comes in different levels or
something and until Pokemon Go came out he did not leave his home
like that teenage boy recently who had autism? Maybe what he had was
something else?
Does not make it OK and
still annoying but at least it was understandable. However I could
have ended up hurting someone and putting them in hospital had I been
having a bad day with my Fibromyalgia, right knee and back pain?
I also think that black
guy better Pokemon STOP! Otherwise someone else might actually
Pokemmon eyes out, pr blacken them? Lol.
