THE WARS OF THE SIGMA

After my last piece I thought it would be somewhat interesting, well I am a Sigma, to look into some more psychology and in particular those that I have come up with.

I was quite fascinating in previous videos to hear many of the names and false accusations made again me but what my side knew to be narcissists.

Some time ago I had seen something about intelligent people and how they have to go over everything over and over and come at the problem from different angles to be sure they are right.

This was something that I have done for a very long time.

On social media I did not think for a moment that I would come across people that simply would not accept what was reported or what you told them or explained.

After awhile and getting a couple dozen predictions under my belt they were still resistant to anything I stated. They claimed to be pro-science and pro-medicine and accused anyone that disagreed with their lies or cherry-picked articles as being anti this or anti that.

Now there was a point when I decided to try and find this video but it was in vain. I tried a few times too but I simply could not find it. Maybe they had deleted the channel?

So after deciding to remove myself from a thread that was just going around in circles I thought that I would have another look when I came across these personality videos and started to watch those.

Well Sigma men are supposed to be always learning and as those that have read more than a few articles know, I cover a lot of subjects. Not all but then no one could possibly do that.

It was fascinating to not only see all my traits listed but also the difficulties I have with others and how I feel like I do not fit in. Even more fascinating was hearing all the things others would accuse me of because they just do not get me.

I heard most of the names and labels used for me, not all because some are just downright nasty anf from evil people that actually and falsely believe they are morally superior.

As I was coming across some psychology videos I had promised myself for the longest time I would look into, something started to occur to me.

Along with looking into how I deal with evil people I started to wonder about Sigma Females and largely because .. well I had something odd occur a few month back.

I was hearing about a woman who had been hearing about me. It would appear that as she found out more she became more and more interested. Someone was very keen on this going further and I sarted to hear things that certainly took me by surprise.

In fact one day she managed to somehow get on the phone during a conversation and we chatted briefly and she thought that we would 'get along really well'.

This was something completely new to me and I was intrigued by all this as there just seem to be something .. not odd but different about it.

In fact I had never intended to do a part two on this little psychology deep dive but I have seen and understood enough now to do a part two.

So lets is look at Sigmas and evil people and then look at Sigma Females and it does kinda .. feel like I might have found one. Or rather, she found me. Well .. kinda.

Hard to say for sure right now.

So one thing that people know about me that follow me, which is in the thousands despite the big names hiding all my posts through fear.

I never give in. I wont block people, it is a rule that some do not understand. Nor do they understand my methods, some seem to think they are in a war but then complain about tactics or it being 'too much'. If you cannot stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. Its a war. How in the world can you start laying out rules and boundaries in a war?

I have to expose lies and evil and I do this using various methods and I often switch these about. Those that have seen the number of people that have blocked me, over 170 on climate change which does not include Cox, Mann, Schmidt, Honeycutt, Hayhoe and others think my 'trophy cabinet is impressive.

I really do not care who they are or how high up they are held by people or the media, if they get something wrong or lie I will literally take apart what they said.

I posted Michael Mann's graph from one of his papers back at him on the DVI and using it to rule out the cooling in the Maunder Minimum as being global.

First off you cannot do this. The traces get eroded away by all sorts of things and 70% of Earth is ocean. It was literally that last part that made me realise. Submarine volcanoes were going to go off in a way we have not seen. I was told this would not happen and there have been at least three that shocked. Though lately along with every other predictions I get told I never made them.

Now think about this. These people literally watched me make predictions.

Each one they claimed would never happen.

Then they got each one shoved at them when they did but as soon as I got to around 60 then switched. Then all these people that actually witnessed me make them and then switched and claimed I never made any predictions at all.

No, they did not have the brains to claim that I made some of them up, they claimed none of them happened.

Just two days ago one had still been arguing with me on a new account, he claimed he had no previous accounts, that I never made predictions three years ago while he was posting on an account a few weeks old.

I then posted old tweets at him and he claimed that they were only tweets that claimed I made predictions. The only thing is the dates were prior to the events and this was pointed out and he still maintained his complete and utter bullshit.

Just today after saying he was against the WEF he then tags me into a Mike Hudema thread and boasts I did not stop the WEF as I claimed.

This is the guy that said the WEF planning a great reset was cnspiracy theory. Then he defended the plan as soon as it was out it was real. He then said anyone that opposed it had lost the right to life. He then started saying that he did nto care about them and posted on another thread that they cannot take control. Then today he is on another thread boasting about them.

SIGMAS & EVIL PEOPLE

• Blunt honesty, brutally honest and point out deception when they spot it

• Talent for disarming using honesty

• Treating everyone as equal, evil people, narcissists and political extremists do not do this

• Strong sense of morality. Deep thinkers and analytical. Strict moral code. Exposes evil people.

• Detecting micro-aggressions. Powers of observation and can spot passive aggression.

• Ability to ignore attention seekers which triggers these types of people. Putting people on mute and than taking them off on social media is designed to set them off and frustrates evil people

• Highly perceptive at spotting liars and can spot evil people going behind their backs and I even had a Professor at the University of Texas did this

• Narcissists are anti-social and Sigmas disarm them when they constantly try to get Sigmas to agree with them

• Evil people and narcissists try to rise to positions of power while Sigmas just do this without anyone noticing

• Takes issue with evil narcissists that step their personal boundaries, like start to guess or make claims about persnal lives when the debate was about science, medicine or politics and spamming the same pointless gifs over and over 500 times (yes that happened several times)

• Judgements of evil and narcissistic people are shrugged off and can see the attacks for what they are

• Gut Instincts are highly developed and if he says he has a bad feeling about someone people should and normally do pay attention

• Ability to expose toxic behaviour

SIGMAS & REALITY

• Nobody will save you .. this is literally similar to a title I used … somewhere, either in a book I wrote that got shelved, long story. Or a title to a post on WordPress and Blogger

  • Seen nothing in two decades that changed my mind, only reinforced my claims

• Learns fast

  • Proven this on social media none more so than Twitter

• Moral but understands predators

• Knows that you can never be ready

  • Spots holes in plots

• Understands bad luck through illness or bad luck

  • Protects weaker people, I did this as a child. Mothers used to complain to my mother in a rough neighbourhood that they wanted me to hang around with their sons

• Do not care about appearances but know to look good, can hit the gym and wear trendy clothes when they need to

  • Feel I need to right now due to a unique and rare situation, which might include .. something, lol

• Actions

  • Dislike the mainstream philosophies

SIGMA SUITORS

• Sigmas as walking encyclopedias, have has that stated to me

• Someone that understands his single minded nature

• Women with a sense of adventure

• Great deal of understanding and takes time to get used to

• Good communicators and handle someone notoriously honest as Sigmas do not like games

• Someone down to Earth

• No triviality

• Understanding of independence and someone that wants their own

• Patience

BAD SUITORS

• Dishonesty

• Bringing up old issues in arguments

• Flirting with too many other men

• Clinging and constant monitoring

• Drama Queens

SIGMA FEMALE COMPATIBILITY

• Not easily influenced by others, not a problem to be alone

• Can be intimidating, do not hurt them

• Mysterious and hard to read

• Do not play hard to get, they are hard to get

• Great friend

• Do not like fake people

• Sigma man knows what he wants

• Wants women that value true love

• Sigma Man does not always talk all the time

• Yes the two are compatible and there is a deep understanding of each other

SIGMA FEMALES BEING RAREST IN THE WORLD

• Confident, but low key compared to Sigma Males

• Prefers to work alone

• Introvert

• Not understood

• Independent

• Intimidating

• Demand for attention and respect

• Loyal

• Will move mountains to be there for those she cares about

• Unique, free thinker, exciting to most

• Never forgets, unless has Fibromyalgia and Fibrofog like me

• Strong on Justice

• Wont let others bring her down

• A Look that Could Kill, when pished off

• Does not live by societies rules

• Natural born leader

• Mysterious

• Wont let anything get in the way of goals

• Chooses partners carefully and you need to be similar, have to be an Alpha or Sigma

• Does not like lazy people

• Good communicator

• Does not like bad blood between friends and can be a friend for life

• Enjoys emotional attachments

• Protective of her tribe

• Approachable to people she likes

• Intelligent, High IQ and wants to know everything

• Sarcasm is one of Sigma's defence mechanisms, close to the bone

I looked after a friend years ago that sadly died of kidney cancer and no one looked after him but me.

He once told me there was no one like me, that I should be on radio as people would listen to me or, when drunk enough, said I should be Prime Minister. No, just no.

He once told me that he felt sorry for me as I would never find anyone like me and thought I was born 200 years before my time.

Now I cannot say with absolute certainty but the reason why I watched this video is that I suspect that there may be one in Wales and have spoken to her on the phone.

Bizarrely she stated that the two if us would get on really well and I have also recently heard that two of her interests are exactly the same as mine.

Orchids and Japanese Maples. For starters.

In fact my daughter already has planned the marriage and the lady in question seems to have learnt enough about me that she has made 'noises' about me living in her home as the 'move' is taking its time.

Its quite fascinating and a little bit scary that a number of people now talk about this in groups and joke about how 'you two will be together soon' and its kind of got me intrigued as to exactly what has been discovered and how his all came about?

Although I did live in Bristol years ago after meeting someone online and moving in with them, which went horribly wrong, nothing even close to his has ever occurred before.

Scratching my head to how this all came about. As originally there was hope over someone else and I have since heard at least three have shown a 'romantic' interest and I am not sure about the dozens of others that keep asking about me and want to meet me.

Always knew and felt like an outcast and I wish I knew all this years ago and it would have been such a kick to my late friend, Ken Bunn, who would have gone crazy over this discovery.

I still stick to my theory and makes me more complicated, that my Fibromyalgia plays a role and that it heightens my brainwaves. When the short-term memory issue they call Fibrofog does not bring the steel doors down with a bang.

I met one guy years ago whose brainwaves appeared to have slowed to 0.33x normal and he was at a Fibromyalgia meet for the FMA-UK. He was also the only other one there, had his mother with him and she had to keep telling him to not explain every detail or speed up a bit.

I know another who I am fairly sure as FMS but is in denial, and operates around 0.66x.

At times my brain feels like it is going like the clappers and will wrack itself to pieces and feels like 2.0x or even more.

I have needed something that is a calming influence and have searched for it all my life but I have no idea what it is.

Photography and cycling were my thing but I am not entirely sure I can keep those going and it is going to have to take time to find out.

If my health allows me the time to do this and finish what I started?

Old father time has a lot to answer for.

After I did this I got one of my usual attackers and a well-known liar with several accounts who claims to be a capitalist centrist claim that this psychology was akin to astrology.

I have been told I am unique for years, as explained and one that said it I looked after while dying, stated I would never find anyone like me. He referred to himself as a socialist.

But real socialists and communists think everyone is the same. In every way and its sacrilege to claim they are not, which is twisted, evil and wrong.

I never thought in a million years I would ever hear someone describe my personality in such a way and many I know that know me that read it are going to get shocked.

While looking around I see something in Wikipedia about it talking about Alpha, Beta and Sigma males and immediately I saw the word 'manopshere' and immediately knew. The very next thing I saw was 'alt-right' and immediately knew they were lying.

Its Wikipedia, everyone knows they are full of crap and liars all except the tiny minority with agendas that think it still has merit. It stopped having that several years ago.

Eben the co-founder has apologized for the crap on the site many times in many interviews.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alpha_and_beta_male

They also do not seem to realize there are female versions of the above.

Its also covered in counselling and I have had experts tell me I am a very unique personality but I guess they must all be alt-right experts?

https://www.mentalwellnesscounselling.uk/sigma-males/

Scientists have become egotistical tossers today and if they EVER care to challenge me I will happily hand them there asses as I have many top names.

So be warned if you are one reading this and have an agenda and think you can ignore or conveniently forget the fundamental principles of science.

So I will end this with a little quote from Bertrand Russell and a few others.

THE SIGNS OF THE SIGMA

 I have been a mystery to many people, none more so than me at times.

On social media I have caused such a stir that there has been a concerted effort by many groups to perform character assassinations on me, attach labels that are not applicable and make claims they cannot possibly know.

Many have tried to get me suspended, even succeeded at times.

Several social media giants have also buried me. People on Twitter that follow me have come to me privately and stated that they never see my tweets. Going back as far as four years and as late as two days ago. For some reason those that hate me feel the need to tell me I get no interactions.

I keep telling them that I do not care and they do not listen.

They call me mentally unstable and this is wrong and I also do nor care.

Google, via Blogger and YouTube were burying me back in 2015-16 and friends and family talked and thought I was mad. In fact they did that about many predictions or theories I had to science and things going on in the world.

Today every single person I know bar one stubborn one that has always hated anyone smart, have all apologized and stated I was right about everything. Also that its worse than I stated.

I am also told by several people that on Facebook my posts never come up and yet I post more than anyone else they know. So they know I am buried on the platform and no one I know on Facebook would even go near Twitter. They have heard all the stories.

Oddly the packs that come after me absolutely lost the plot and the farm when they found out I had a Substack account.

After I passed around 60 accurate scientific predictions those that pursue me decided to start claiming they never took place, but my tweets do not self-destruct.

I am called all the labels, none apply and many of them I have suspended them for, something else that makes them mad.

They get really angry if I say or post anything about the World Economic Forum and Klaus Schwab and his Great Reset despite the fact that two years ago they said they had never heard of it and claimed it was conspiracy theory.

A big deal is made about me being single but they have never explained what this has to do with science, medicine or politics.

They seem obsessed on telling me all day long that I should get a job and that I must me unemployed because I tweet all day. Except several of their own tweet all day telling me this.

They are not very bright.

That being said I have one WEF guy that has lost several accounts by me and was forced to close several others, has six accounts running concurrently presently that likes to tell me and I do mean literally, that he is superior to me in every way.

Except he loses every single time and I am still on my one account. He has been through around a dozen or more because of me and he thinks this is him winning.

Even my own side are confused by me but not those that have known me longer.

I have not been on the science thread for weeks now because some .. things were supposed to happen that have yet to be completed. Three things, in fact, from three public services and they have taken way longer than they should in each case.

Now as these things should surely take place in the next week or two I thought that one last thing I should do is explain the mystery.

Partly because many are wondering.

Partly because several thousand people are asking all kinds of questions about me where I am going and even while on the phone to someone there I hear them ask about me. Which is kind of weird.

Also I do seem to be getting some attention just as the hiding of my tweets built up.

Lets just say that I was contacted by someone in America who does a radio show and has met Donald Trump's son as asked me on the show.

Within 24 hours I then noticed that I was followed by someone who is followed by Dr Peter McCollough, which was a little odd.

Then the day after this I noticed I had been noticed by another radio show host who used to work for the BBC. So whether or not another invite is about to occur, I do not know.

Now the odd thing was that while this was going on I noticed something occur.

I was posting many news stories and smashing it out of the park. There was the Netherlands Farmer's protest quickly followed by something starting up in Italy.

Then I head many resigning from the cabinet in the British Government.

Then Boris Johnson quit and everyone was reporting that this was over climate change and covid.

Then the news that sudden death syndrome deaths were going up and more issues emerging with vaccines was reported by GB News and Mark Steyn which was the very thing I got a suspension for seven days from Twitter for. I said that I can be affected by Sudden Death and that was one reaosn why I refused the vaccine and now reports of deaths were in the rise.

I never mentioned covid and I never said one was the cause of the other as I can only say that if there is proof. Did not matter to Twitter and they banned me.

Oh I had it out with them but they decided mid conversation to just ignore me.

There were more reports about things going on in the Presidential Election too.

Reports about Police still covering up grooming gangs in the UK on top of all this.

And the whole Elon Musk will he, wont he over Twitter.

There were reports about record cold and snow too and late cold and roads still buried in Canada, snow in New Zealand and other places.

Now what happened as half way through these posts my notifications on Twitter just stopped.

On the science thread I could get 300 per day.

Off it this would be more like 20 per day.

I got none for many hours and this was obvious and someone contacted me and told me in the evening that my tweets were not displaying.

They do that when they shit a brick about something.

Now I do not know whether it was something I listed or something else entirely I have yet to notice? I just do not know.

So I am going to first run though what I talk about and then we will do a little psychology run about who and what I am.

What I am not is perfect, lets get that out of the way first.

• Batrachology

• Ichthyology

• Herpetology

• Computer Science

• Climate

• Volcanology

• Seismology

• Astrophysics

• Orchidaceae

• Bromeliads including Tillandseae

I can really et into anything and a social worker friend always used to tell people that if I did not know something I could work it out in one to three days and a week at the most.

Not true for everything but that's what he used to tell people.

I do kind of have a pattern recognition skill, when my brain feels like turning up and working.

I am going to list things now that applies to what they call Sigma Males and if anyone I know that has seen me battle online are going to get a shock.

Because in the videos that I have provided below they will here many of the labels and accusations that were levied at me.

If you know .. your going to find it very spooky and your likely going to hear explanations that re going to finally provide answers to the mysteries. Unless of course there are those that know psychology and already know this stuff? It might not be that much of a surprise to them?

Broken into sections that can be found in the accompanying videos.

THE SIGMA MALE..

NEVER MESS WITH A SIGMA

• Know More than they let on

• Rational in their responses and can remain cool, mostly

• Strong sense of justice

• Highly Observant

• Always Bounce Back

  • Friend once called me a 'Weeble Wobble' which is a toy that in the advert used to say 'Weebles Wobble but they don't fall down'. I would stand up and brush myself off

• Highly Determined

  • Tricky tactics do not work

• Know How To Manipulate a Situation

  • Beware messing with them

• Do Not Tolerate Mistreatment and No Time For Game

  • Often calling how the games of others

• Not Afraid To Speak Their Minds

  • Force to be reckoned with

• Well formulated arguments

  • Fools errand outsmarting a Sigma Male and attacker ends up looking the fool

• Know Their Limits

  • Recognise probing of boundaries by enemies

• Sigma Anger Can Be Intimidating

  • Hard to get a rise but scary when you do

  • Everyone gets scared when they see the anger

• Remember Everything, Bad In My Case

  • Remembers being crossed, or evil in my case

• Always Get Their Way In The End

  • Those that think they are getting the upper hand always lose in the end

HOW DANGEROUS IS A SIGMA

• Insensitive to Authority

• Strong, a presence and wont mind telling you that you are wrong

• Does Not Tolerate Incompetence (funny that)

• People with preconceived notions do not trust Sigmas

• Not Obvious

• Never know when the sigma will go off the rails

• Lone Wolf & Independent

• In Pandemic Social Distancing was not an issue

• Confident and Thoughtful

• They can still get angry

• Tries to avoid conflicts but not a good idea to get into one with a Sigma

BEHIND THE WALL OF A SIGMA

• Do not look for credit and do not care about it

• Quiet Heroes

• Unknown Warriors

• Highly Intelligent but work not to be seen as Nerds of Geeks

• Do not want to stand out and they end up standing out (turned down TV)

• Love to Work, Learn and have High IQ and can be nomads

• Avoid Celebrity Spotlight

• Acquire as much knowledge as possible and typically become experts in the fields that interest them

• Will eventually look for others if their goals are too big to achieve on their own

• Use Logic and not Emotion

• Three types, Black Sheep (Outcasts), Nomads (Free Spirit) and Outsiders (Visionaries)

• Live in different places, Rebel, Spend life

• Ahead of his time, mostly do not get recognized for genius for years

• Do not play well with others

• Socially Awkward and Ostracised

• Do not care about TRENDS

• Often we4ongly called narcissists

• Good at Body Language

• Enjoyable to be around but not social butterflies

• Described as weird and socially awkward as they are off thinking about things that others do not understand

• They do not understand others and why they do the things they do

• BLACK SHEEP

  • Builds a Fortress of Solitude, gives up trying to fit in

  • Continues Search for His Destiny

• NOMADS

  • Do not like being tied down, prefer not cities (Nomads)

  • Searching for something that will make him whole but does not know what it is

  • Sometimes does not see people for long periods of time

  • Rarely seen or heard from and prefer the shadows

  • Emerge with theories and clarity of thought that surprises

  • Hard to open up because of betrayal

  • Does not want to be judged and goes his own way and wont let society tell him what to do

  • Will not follow the crowd and gets called 'crazy' with no basis to these assertions

  • People do not get him

  • Might have been born this way or became this way due to bad things happening to him

  • Feels he is alone in the world and not understood

  • Searches for people that have similar struggles or see the world the same way

THE LONE WOLF SIGMA

• Appear a mystery to the world around them

• Unconcerned by Society's expectations

• Natural Rule Breakers

• Highly Analytic and Logical

• One Man Show and attempts things alone

• Does not pursue validation from others

• Do not easily let others in

• Are self-aware

• Spontaneous and Unpredictable

• Authentic Instincts and Desires.

• Envied

• Natural and humble leaders

• Deep Thinkers

• Lead Without Force and Dedication and Passion has others follow

• Get Respected

• Conformity Not An Option for Sigmas

• Take Risks and might appear Reckless

• Will not be told what he can and cannot do

• Good track record of success

• Gut instinct and can live in the moment

• Do deep research and as much investigation as possible

• Sharp Research Skills

• Ability to read the emotions of others

• Always has an answer

• Always working towards success

• Trouble attaching to others

• Elusive, charming and women that get to know him find him alluring

• Have unique styles even when it comes to clothes

• Rare and Unique and Introverted in Nature

• End up in the spotlight despite not wanting it

• Like Personal Space

• A Mystery to the Outside and seen as an Enigma

My 'Issues' Complicate the Above and why I .. let us just say 'suffer' and have for a long time

• Fibromyalgia and Memory Fibrofog

• Various pains from the above and others like physical problem with right-knee

• Feet, Heart and Shoulders preventing me from doing things

• Eyesight is becoming frustrating

• Scared that my 'freedom' is seriously under threat

So there you have it. Well .. at least most of it.

Often been told even by long term friends that I am a mystery wrapped up in an enigma.

Those that have read my ramblings for awhile now likely think this or think that which alarmist and socialists do and throw the wrong labels at me, whether they are aware of it or not.

In fact a good friend from Australia that watched me for several weeks when I turned up on a large thread said that I frightened them as they could not work me out.

Things I have been called from various types of people, including Christians, are ..

• The Machine

• Grandmaster

• Warrior of God

• The Messenger

• The King

The social justice warriors, socialists, Marxists and the World Economic Forum people on Twitter who are constantly pushing and goading groups absolutely cannot stand this.

Many of the ones that came along later have no idea I was saluted, with gifs and even from scientists.

Nor are they aware I was placed into groups by others and was in the top 20 of one, top 7 of another and on one list was the third name listed. Which gave some followers a kick.

I am a Sigma Male. This explains most of it and many will be sittig open mouthed saying “that is forking it!!” I do feel alone and cut off and I do feel like I am attacked from every angle and no I wont give in.

I would rather die than give in to evil.

Albert Einstein

Niccolo Machievelli

Niccolo Machievelli

The Machine

Frighten them

Co-founder of Anonymous

What started as a string of salute that included a scientist and left me with a lump in my throat and a tear in my eye

Old follower from England pops onto thread with others and meets new follower from Canada

The first of three lists I noticed I was put on, each brought a tear to my eye and a lump in my throat

WEF member that pretended after three years of mentioning her to be a subscriber to Sabine Hossenfelder. He lied and then kept tagging her.

Has had over a dozen accounts, here he pretends to be a fan of Richard Feynman and then calls him a philosopher.

On threads with lots of people claiming to be woke socialists, all liars and have been supended bot bigotry, racism, antisemitism, anti-gay and others.

But this one claims to be a capitalist among the fake woke socialists?

Because they are all WEF.

First it was a conspiracy theory, the great reset and yet the moment it became widely know they were instant experts on a grand plan and defended it.

This is the above 'Richi' that thinks Feynman is a philosopher on his first account. Was labelling people 'conspiracy theorists' a few months before.

Here is he on his second account that disappeared and he has since claimed was not him.

Notice the use of double 'A' and on the same thread replying to the same people.

Admitting..

SHOUT AT THE DEVILS INSIDE

I think I may have to type this one out in two sittings?

We are a funny species.

The things that we do and the things that we want to do along with what we think others should do makes us do an say the funniest and at times the most hurtful of things.

Many years ago I had to write out a eulogy, or at least part of it and I ended up writing all of it.

This was for y father's funeral who had been paraded on TV as a master villain by the BBC less than a year earlier but failed to stop over 500 people appearing at his funeral so much so that the chapel had to break its rules and allow a crowd three people deep up on the platform around the coffin.

Stabbing in the dark in desperation while blindfolded is never a good idea.

I wrote the eulogy from the deepest depths I could find. It struck a chord with every single person in the room and was designed to do so. It was also designed to get messages across about our faults and failings and attempt to change people. For the better.

To this day I have not ha much sign that it worked. That on its own does not sound like much.

However, if I told you that the humanist, I think called, stuttered and started while reading it because he wondered where it was going and that after he finished he place the writings in my hand and squeezed it, stating that he had never heard anything quite like it, it may mean a bit more.

If I then explained that dozens of people commented on the eulogy throughout the wake and had asked me for copes of it … well I think now you may be getting the idea of how disappointing it was that I did not see much signs that it sank in.

I did, however, get more of a sign that people take a lot more notice of reading my words rather than hearing my words, well at least hearing them from me at any rate.

Christmas just gone did not go as I had planned, thought or hoped that it would and in many more ways than just one.

I was not where I thought I would be and I am still in the dark as to why this is and what was supposed to transpire was delayed until after Christmas. Well it is now after Christmas but I sense it will be a few days into the new year if at all.

Remaining here in London was going to be tough and challenges would be rife in remaining here and that stems from the fact that I am still here. Hmm, hard to explain right now but I will within a couple of weeks.

Then there are the usual challenges associated with getting over a Christmas and these possibilities were one reason I really did not want to be here at all.

Still, there was the possibility that all would be well. It wasn't.

Christmas Day evening started out with a disagreement I had, had with the same person at least twice before, though I was led to believe it was three times by one person. This was over me buying something and that I was told that I should use reviews by reporters in a magazine despite the fact that not only I but at least two other people had told him over 15 years that at best these people are paid money to write this stuff and at worst, paid money to state specific stuff.

What makes this argument far worse is that he would argue over my method for choosing to buy something. This something was a personal music player, a high resolution music player and headphones. He gets into all the technical stuff without fully understanding it and forgets regularly that everyone has different tastes. For instance my present sset of headphones are RHA T10's and he quoted What Hifi Magazine as stating that their bass is too much and over powers other frequencies. I told him that was complete bullshit as I had used them for almost a year, do not like much bass and that a friend had listened to them and stated that they are not “bassey enough”.

You cannot just go in and listen to headphones, you can some but not all all due to some threat of ear infections widely held to be stupid by every single person I have ever spoken to about it. Including on-line. So what is left to do, especially when headphones can cost in excess of a few thousand pounds?

Now I myself read as many reviews as I can fro people who actually bought the things your looking to buy. What I do also like to do is take the average marks out of five for an item that has had several hundred reviews. If two people give reviews and one gives five and one gives one out of five then the overall mark is 2.5 out of 5. Simple maths. If there are 200 reviews plus and the items gets four out of five overall this is an undeniable score. Unless your the person who is telling me I cannot use this method as its extremely unreliable and instead should use the word of one or two people who are paid to say shit and everyone knows it, except him who has been told repeatedly over 15 years.

His base, pardon the pun, for his argument when I tell him its mathematics based and you cannot argue with it? You can get several hundred idiots all writing those reviews. SIGH.

I decided to stop the disagreement, picked up my tablet PC and looked to see what was being published about the next series of Doctor Who!

Well a slight, old and boring disagreement and not the one I thought I would have.

Boxing Day involved more people being added to the mix. One person tried to get out of coming but was kind of emotionally blackmailed to turn up.

I chatted to one for half an hour about computers and computer games and all seemed well.

He tried to update someone's laptop to Windows 10 and had been thwarted a few times and asked if I could attempt it. The laptop was being stubborn so I used the download tool to do it and it was taken a lifetime to do but was at least installing this time.

I found myself on my own in the room with just one older person and five others had disappeared though I was so engrossed in not letting this laptop and Windows 10 beat me I had barely noticed.

Then I heard a shout .. a single and solitary word and looked up.

I wondered what this was, then told myself I must have imagined it and refocused on the laptop.

Then I heard more shouting, a whole sentence this time along with some heavy footsteps and then “we are ****ing going!”

The person stormed into the living room said something about something having being said to them and I replied “who?” It was not the person I expected to hear I had a disagreement with the night before. Odd as they were intending to have a few words with the previously argumentative one about being … well argumentative and his stagnated life.

The stagnation has gone on for well over 5 years, possibly 8, and does not possess the tools to be argumentative. They do not possess any of the tools that are a compulsory requirement for being argumentative. Something else they fail to realise.

Also you need to be in a damned good position to be argumentative and with the necessary experience. Something else seriously lacking though you would doubt this if you heard them.

OOPS!

There I was sitting there quietly, I had avoided a subject I knew would cause and argument between me and someone else and successfully never brought up the subject. It was … once and I cut that off with a one word answer … “NO”.

Suddenly the other combatant was in the room. Followed by the others.

I remained quiet, uninvolved and sat behind the laptop before me as words were now being turned into weapons interspersed with accusations and insinuations at full volume going from left to right and back again. Oooh boy!

As the words went back and forth I eventually started to realise some of the faults we have as human beings when it comes to communication.

We somehow believe that we are heard more and are proved more correct the higher the volume is that we communicate. I realised how ridiculous I must have looked when I used to be like this, something I learned many years ago not to do.

The flapping of arms like birds must help the sound waves to go faster and penetrate the body of their opponents?

I remained quiet.

I did not want to be there. I also wanted to leave. I was still sorting out this laptop and still did not want to be beaten by it.

There had been an accusation or at best an insinuation that did not go down to well. A similar one involving suggested infidelity was thrown in the other direction. The problem? One partner was on their way and the other one was present. Oh crap! I do not believe I heard them just say those things! This is going to get worse.

It did.

Suddenly the only indirect member of the family speaks for the first time and continues to do so. It was the same question. It was always going to be the same question.

In a few moments I realised there was nothing in either one of these insinuations as the same thin was confided between them and each one took it upon themselves to assume there was much more than that confided. Obviously there was not. Otherwise they would never have confided in the first place.

No one is that stupid.

By now I had drunk a few glasses of Jack Daniel's, unsual as I rather prefer a real Whiskey like Glenmorangie or Laphraig.

Eventually the family member with the partner present left and stated they would explain things in the car on the way home.

The one that remained was still furious.

They did calm down a bit before another family member entered the room, spoke up for the first time and demanded to know if they was going to strike the other person?! WHAT?!

My head sank. I could not believe that was just asked and in the way it was asked too! What effing point was there to that question? It didn't happen, that was the main thing. Naturally and obviously it fired up the person it was directed at. Then they did their usual vanishing trick.

Several minutes later and aftyer simmering down a little this person returned and demanded to know if a child from a previous relationship who lives thousands of miles away was still their child in their eyes!

WHAT THE FUCK?!?!

I am dreaming now. I must surely have dropped off to sleep and entered the twilight zone in doing so? Or I am a part of another strange mystery TV series from when I was a kid like The Outer Limits? They surely did not just ask that?!

After setting the person off a second time now they performed another Houdini trick. Funny as they are in a terrible situation in their life and several of us were planning to talk to him. I can tell you exactly how it would go. They would argue against established facts, argue against other facts realised by everyone except them and take a guess what they would do then? Yup … another Houdini and like they did the other night suddenly is disappear out of the street door and not return for 24 hours, after setting the place on fire twice.

If you asked them why they had left they would say that they are “fed up with the arguing”. Odd as they opened their gob twice. They are also the biggest problem in the family, to be honest and little do they know that everyone states it.

In fact one of the embattled two that remained actually stated that Houdini had gotten off lightly and that he was going to state a lot of home truths to him but held back.

Well...that was after I decided to break my silence.

I ordered rather calmly that another person in the room to have taken up the baton of the previous child in a previous relationship and told them to politely 'drop it'. I explained that this subject was not in the last relevant to what had just happened. I explained that the two subjects that Houdini had bought up was “stupid” top which I got a few thank you'd for from the embattled family member.

I then set out every now and then giving out my quotes of infinite wisdom and felt like bloody Solomon. In fact I generated praise while there and after I left from one family member who normally is highly critical of me. Wonders never cease.

Once I had spent an hour still listening and every now and then breaking my silence with yet another nugget of wisdom I decided that I had done enough. The chances any of it would be remembered or heeded was snot that likely. After all I did state that it was pointless arguing at all and even more pointless as everyone's emotions were on and off a knife's edge.

By this time I had finished off with Jack Daniel's and had started on a Rose wine. I was not completely legless and was getting there. My fish, animals and orchids had gone without me for 48 hours and I could not leave them any longer. Well the fish had an automatic feeder, though that had not bloody worked!

I was not looking forward to public transport on a Boxing Day but thought the alcohol would help the journey. Turned out I was back on very little time as I got on my first bus immediately and waited all of two minutes for the second bus!

As I feared there were the phone-calls and texts that night about what had happened. Hell, it was only a few days ago and I have even had one visit already about it.

The two have disowned each other all because one does not know how to control reactions while the other does not know how to communicate.

Then you descend into a living hell whereby the volumes are pumped up to 11 in the hope that the devils and demand that reside deep within somehow get forced to listen to the messages and learn something.

Yup. Human being really are a funny species alright.

Ooh. Well that was more difficult than I had planned it.

This is the second part of this post and I have just returned from a cycle ride. The weather has allowed me precious little of that privilege this last year and I have precious little in the way of privileges.

I had been out on the last day with sunshine and for a couple of months there have only been three or four days of this. I cannot always go cycling either, because I might need shopping and often do or may even be a doctors appointment.

I had failed to notice there was a south-westerly wind, as I was travelling north and east for the first half of the cycle. I had also cycled over 3.5 miles before I decided to turn around. Good job that I did as I had contemplated cycling another couple of miles further away.

My trouble is I am hard wired to go at certain speeds and normally too damned fast. Whether this is walking or cycling and it creates a problem that creeps up on me. It is like I am constantly impatient and I have to consciously slow myself down … all the damn time.

I am not perfect, far from it but I have been through enough things to be aware of the dangers and the pitfalls. That helps. Most of the time.

I have had certain privileges others do not have, though these feel more like curses than privileges in all honesty and I am sure would sound as much to anyone that hears them.

I have been alone with my thoughts, for instance, a very, very long time. Getting hard to remember the exact length of time but in excess of thirteen years that is for certain.

This comes with its own obvious nightmares and drawbacks and a whole host of others that are not that obvious at all. Most of the time I find no one takes the obvious ones into account, let alone the ones that would fail to know of.

So I have been alone with my thoughts an extremely long time and those thoughts I do have work in a kind of overdrive type velocity. I managed to narrow down why that is and this is to do with my Fibromyalgia.

All brain signals are scrambled is the common belief in medicine though it is surprising how many brain processes are not thought about with Doctors that specialise in this ailment.

So as far as left with my own thoughts it is more like 26 years plus as they go at twice the speed as they would normally do otherwise. I hate, or sometimes love, puzzles and always have to find the answers to them.

If you thrown that into the mix with the number of things I have lived through, experienced and dealt with then suddenly a picture starts to emerge. A BIG picture.

Hence why when I started this blog and throughout I always talk about the 'bigger picture'.

A lot like the eulogy I wrote for my father all those years ago.

But I live in a world where no one wants to listen, no one wants to read, everyone wants to speak and yet they all want answers.

But answers come from learning which only happens when you read or listen. The third option is to go through it yourself and that is not … always good. Trust me on that.

Old and late Ken was well into his sixties and once said to me “Martin, despite my being older than you, you are the first person I would come to for advice or a problem. But no one else does!” and I just shrugged my shoulders. I explained that we were living in an age where communication was dying and everything was expected to be told in ever shorter sentences and fewer words. I would quote two evils in this that have compounded this with the first one being text messages and the other being Twitter. I then explained that if you even attempted to try and educate anyone about these pitfalls or try to explain anything the responses are along the lines of “I'm too busy” or “Oh I have far too many serious problems going on” and the cycle continues spiralling ever further downward.

Once you dig yourself in deeper enough you will look up to find that you now cannot dig yourself out of the hole you have created.

I wish to God that people could learn. I really do. My own life would have had far, far less horror stories attached to it than it has. Maybe even none at all? But it has … a very long list I live to regret every single day.

I do not want people at my door every day with their horror stories and asking for advice and I told old Ken this. Yet today the very few that I want to come to me and should ask me do not.

This becomes annoying when you thin that they must be getting advice from elsewhere and I can tell you that they should not be doing this. Especially with one particular faction and once learned what the advice is about no one would disagree with this.

Well all except the person that does not ask, of course.

Same old, same old.

It is groaningly tiresome. Especially when lack of advice has caused me no end of more trouble I would rather be without and no cannot avoid.

In fact it was that which made Christmas for me … rather … uncomfortable as well as this Christmas week and the early days of the new year.

So much so that I have half become a hermit and as the days creep by this is with growing with an ever greater want to become a fully fledged hermit altogether.

I promise I wont groan.

My legs ache. A long drive gone on for months now to get myself fitter than I have ever been before and to which I have succeeded. Again. Only this time I am way early on this drive and am determined to carry on for several weeks yet.

I do not like giving in or losing. At all. Not an option. Only in my own personal endeavours that is, not those of other people's.

It is indeed New Year's Eve today.

Tomorrow, obviously, is New Year's Day.

I am not really sure what the first couple of weeks will bring. Maybe more of nothing at all?

Two key dates would have gone by and another speedily approaching, well another two if I am honest. By these dates it would have become way too late and … really, really bad.

I will have to tell and publish all by then and turn my attention onto other things, though these other things were rather dependent on the nothings being somethings. Lol.

I will also be about a year to fourteen months behind. Annoyingly. Still, these things happen much to my annoyance.

Hmm … I just thought, might be a good idea to check my emails?

Yup, more crap, emails from Tagged, Hi5 and a couple of people wanting to follow me on Twitter, speak of the devil. I never go on Twitter but my blog posts get posted on there. Someone tweeting that the GMC are evil, or something to that effect. Yup, worked out that one, lol.

Speaking of devils … that is all we seem to do as a species, to get somewhere we have this unnerving belief that we simply have to shout at the devils inside.