ALWAYS STOOD IN LINE FOR THIS

Things are somewhat … surreal.

I stand at a junction consisting of many, many roads.

For each I know not the destinations and some lead to dark places, very dark indeed.

Without a home, dead or dying are but some of the possibilities.

But I wonder on what to do despite having done so much and wonder on how strange it seems to attempt to carry on as normal during the interim.

In my life I have stood in a great many lines to unknown places that mostly have consisted of horrors and nightmares. I have typed, waited, plotted and planned on explaining all of this to as many others as I could. To bare all that I have experienced and endured. Along the way collecting what evidence, actions and inactions that I could and publish to a very wide audience.

Late 2015 I thought myself on the brink … a cusp of greater things and transformations to all that I know. Mid 2016 and none of this has occurred and I find myself back in familiar nightmares about to be played out yet again?

As I said … surreal.

Maybe this was an inevitability I simply did not foresee?

Perhaps it was always destined to be?

Would I have to relive the nightmares while I typed and posted to the wider global audience? Was it to be with the darkest possibilities waiting to unfold while being treated in the most inhumane ways before the wider public caught notice? Was this always the way that it would have to play out?

Dates race towards me with surprising velocity. Many things are imminent.

I do wonder that the diagnosis already made along with those to come while the public services exact their inhumanity might be so unique as to appear as the biggest shock to the wider audience?

After all making me homeless without good reason only provides the audience with the very real possibility that an attempt is made to shut things down that they fear and have done for a very long time. But doing so while in the cusp of revealing ever darker things should make this all the more horrid to those that bear witness.

For the longest time I felt my fate was already laid out for me while religious types remained convinced I had been given some higher purpose, against all my beliefs of my scientific mind.

There was the phone-call of the innocent voice of uncertainty.. Literally. I had been expecting this and it is three days later than I thought I would get it. My landlord!

Explaining the things that have occurred and the imminent dates to come his voice of disbelief could clearly be told. His voice rants off the attitudes off the public services as they think that all of society stands still and waits for them to get their acts together.

Dishonest … stubborn .. narrow minded … without compassion ... selfish.

The wider public are growing very weary of their attitudes and with every passing month I see ever more evidence that in time they will have no choice but to change. Or be deconstructed..forcibly so.

As for me I sincerely hope that when this event is over that fate, God or whoever is done with me … because I am done.

Anxiety may be at low levels but the fear that the stretched heart string, palpitations and wrenched nerves will return and that my ability to think or do deserts me as in the past?

I have still been told nothing of the fate of my belongings by Enfield Council and have asked them each time I have contacted them via email. In person I forgot both times as I did on the phone too.

Like I said … many things are imminent. September is going to be one of the worst and busiest months that my life has witnessed in many, many years. The most nerve wrecking too no doubt.

I feel the wind may be rising?

Thought has strayed to continuing on while being in the worst possible position imaginable to almost anyone. The actions against me may render the lack of feeling to my legs as permanent. I may be told I have only so long to live? To cap it all there is the possibility of being homeless to save money and make those responsible look good and keep their jobs longer?

What I find amazing is that no one thinks me mad any longer and every single one I have met see these actions for what they are. I hope naivety is not too widespread and this is how it is taken on the blogs where I publish this stuff. As one guy commented recently about those that remain doggedly naïve … that they would fall foul to these actions, or inactions, eventually.

Realisation suddenly come over me as I recalled a friend who died of a brain tumour a few years back, that was also something off a major surprise. What are the odds that this would happen twice to two friends?

I ponder the possibility that the winds might rise also? Will the ultimate sacrifice shock those that watch to their cores? Will the truth wash over them with such fervour that it acts like a catalyst and forces these watchers into action? Will the stories be told and the truth spread like a virulent disease? Might the actions and sacrifices finally get close to their intended destinations? Will some good finally come from all of this? Will change for the better start to take place akin to seeing the first signs of green leaves appearing in a barren wasteland?

Will it be remembered?

Like a storm rising fast and spinning with ever greater intensity will the people rise up and force those ultimately guilty out of their houses of death and onto the never ending roads?

Like a whirlwind in my mind that conjures up many possibilities and scenarios. Each one with an outcome that benefits all of mankind.

Will the evil that abounds fall upon the burning mounds? The naïve opening their eyes and banding together to root out all evil? Would mankind once again be allowed to move forwards and not sideways or back? Will we ever shed the beasts that lay within us?

Will I ever live long enough to see the fruits of my labours? Most probably and sadly not.

Ten days could be all that it takes?

The tunnel exit is stretched out before me and the light too blinding to see.

In the darkness the anxiety awaits.

THREE HOURS STRAIGHT

I have spent the last three hours trying to explain about a drug called Methocarbamol to a family member.

Three hours straight they have gone on about problems, in my family, in their family and with their partners family.

One family member that fell out at Christmas with another one, check my posts around that time, is now not speaking with another one. I got to hear all that because the drug I was trying to explain about was to do with this member of my family not speaking to the other two!

That was at the end and I was showing some posts to my blog.

At one point they interrupted me for the umpteenth time to tell me about something in the news and I cannot recall what it was, likely the NHS or could have been local councils. She is always telling me about stories I had covered weeks, if not months and maybe now even years before. This was just another occasion of the dozens and dozens this has happened.

Three hours straight this continued for.

They have just left and I am so stressed out over it I am actually smoking a rolled up cigarette, enjoying it and not putting it down out of disgust!

Shit! My fag has gone out and I cannot find the lighter I found!! Grr!

Marvellous! I just lost the lighter I spent thirty minutes trying to find!

I really, really do not know how I do that ... but I do that a lot!

I have an aspire battery with a kangertech subtank mini, or my E-Stogie, so I am vaping instead now!

This family member allegedly suffers from epilepsy and hyperthyroidism and anyone would think each was terminal cancer.

If I, or anyone else for that matter, and at any point, even two hours into hearing everything you have heard several times before, so much as mentions their own health problem, you guided through the gates of hell itself.

You will get interrupted several times at the bare minimum and suddenly something that would normally take anywhere from two minutes to teen minutes will take an hour to three.

What happens is that once you have badgered your way in because you realise your deliberately interrupted they start making motions that they now have to go.

Twenty seconds before going out the door they wrote down the name 'Methocarbamol' and as they were halfway across the threshold I said

"Don't you want to hear what it does then? Because it may help with some of the things you have been complaining about and with a problem [someone else's name in the family] and their back problem?!"

Then you get a slink in the body posture likes its a real effort to listen for 30 seconds but still half way across the threshold!

"It is a muscle relaxant that is not addictive, they are happy to give out and three days after taking it I noticed much less and even no pain in my back at times. So it acts like a benzodiazepine drug, like Diazepam or Vallium"

No interest, no surprise just an "Oh, alright then" and they walk out.

You know that sometimes people just love to complain about things, get something not that serious and quite common and it becomes a national focal point and the worst ailment in the world. They do not like it when I turn around and say..

"A bloody good job you do not have Fibromyalgia like mine then ..." and I get this annoyed look as if to say how dare you suggest something is worse than mine "...because you simply wouldn't be able to handle it!"

Then I get this lecture about how I do not know anything about hyperthyroidism before I tell them for the umpteenth time that someone I was pally with and they also knew had it and my mate old Ken, who died of kidney cancer, had it.

When you have looked after a friend dying of cancer when no one else that are tasked to do this it really opens your eyes up to many, many things.

He believed most of what I used to tell him, old Ken. He was a socialist lefty, we all knew it, but he loved my theories and agreed with most.

He was the guy I spoke about previously, many moons ago, that wanted me to be a DJ on Talk Radio (thought the two were mutually exclusive but there you go) and/or Prime Minister.

Te be fair at this point the two of us were stoned out of our heads and he would have had a fair amount of vodka in his system too!

he would always repeat these two suggestions and while swaying like a chimney without cement in a force ten gale he would say ..

"No, no, no ... you ... would be so good on the radio. The things you understand ... the things you see and how come up with your theories to solve them ... they would ... I am tellloiunnnng you, ethy would listen to you for hours! You would get so popular and sooo quickly! You should ... you should ... you know? Do it?"

I would be sitting the other side of this dining table which was a three times a week regular thing and I would be swaying about, tears running down my cheeks and laughing like a hyena at his suggestions. Lol.

I really miss those time and I miss him.

He was number four in people I could actually speak to and just as the others had done before him ... he died on me!

I watched him wither away and writhe about in pain. Some dunce nurse that used to turn up was nothing of the kind, couldn't even pronounce the names of the drugs, let alone explain what they were for. Oh, and she used to steal and hide his spoons!

When he told people this they thought he was mad. Two other friends, both friends of mine, came to me and do you know what they said?

"Martin, he is losing his marbles. He keeps going on about spoons being stolen and accusing the nurse?! Look, he has asked each one of us to get you. He says you would be the only one that would see."

So I went around and found there was a key hidden in some code thing. Eventually the so called nurse arrived, thought she was a local with a broken leg and she was already late as she limped towards my mates door!

I had ruled her out as the nurse when I first spotted her. I immediately turned away and said in my head "NOPE!"

Trust me I am a very good judge of character and I can normally read between the lines, something that two other friends have found out about and two people have been playing games with me and they think I am totally oblivious of these acts.

What? Because I do not mention them on here?! Total twats!

I walked into Ken's bedroom where he had hid himself away and lay dying.

He rolled over in pain and see me standing their just inside the doorway and his face lit up as I tried to get over the sight I saw before me!

The so called nurse walked in the room.

"Ooh, your in trouble NOW! See this man here, he is a genius! He will know what your doing, he will find out what is going on and now he is here I feel so much more secure"

It was the only time during this period of slowly withering away that he smiled.

"Whats this drug for?" I asked.

"Ox...ox...ox..." she stuttered.

"It IS OXYCONTIN! I can fucking read, what is the DRUG for?!" I demanded.

"I ... don't know" funny for a nurse is it not?

So the spoons, I hear you thinking out loud?

Yup, she was indeed hiding five fucking spoons!

When she was placing the spoons in the kitchen downstairs on the draining board she get the shock of her fucking life when she looked up and I was standing in Ken's garden, while speaking to someone on the phone!

I was there for 7 hours, so when the lady returned five hours later I was in the house when she let herself in, grabbed five spoons, four of them totally clean, took them downstairs and placed them side by side on the draining board.

I told her NOT to remove his spoons. At one point she asked me not go get her sacked while her boss was on the phone while I dragged the code to his door key out of her.

I was not going anywhere until I had that code!

So yeah ... I really don not want someone telling me how ailments are when I have had fibromyalgia most of my life, serious back and knee conditions and watched my bets mate slowly die of cancer.

I wouldn't wish any of those things on the devil himself!

Where was all the help? Where was all the cancer trusts? Where was all the home help? And where 'o' where were all the cancer charities? All those adverts on TV? Where was any of them?

You may well ask?

Effing nowhere, is my answer. I spoke to a nurse with a broken leg who was fashionably late and hiding spoons and some idiot on the phone.

Days? Weeks? I cannot even recall how long it went on for but certainly awhile. My daughter was down here when he died but was not when I was first looking after him.

I! ME! The man that the NHS had consistently lied to, treated like garbage, lied about on letters to the DWP about and refused drugs, diagnosis and treatments of his three disabilities. The disabled friend who is not paid nor tasked with caring for people dying and never had to do anything like it before. I DID IT!

RIP Kenneth Walter Bunn!

The funny thing is, is that it is everyone else that gets accused of not giving a shit about them and their health and has learnt not to talk about their illnesses. Yup, I had to listen for over three hours about how they do not talk about their ailments.

So yeah ... Methocarbamol?

If you have any back pain or indeed anything to do with pain that is linked to muscles in any way, shape or form and you might want to ask your GP about Methocarbamol?!

In fact I have been wondering whether or not my back has decided to behave for awhile just as I started taking this drug?! I mean it was that instant, a day or two. I stand in am mates shop and I can either have back pain before I walk in or get it anywhere up to thirty minutes after standing there chatting.

No way I do not get it and just like one of the pains I get in the heels of my feet ... it really gets aggravated by standing still.

A CARE FOR THE DYING

No sooner had I posted about the NHS and drugs company prices and I get another campaign regarding treatment of someone by the NHS.

Now the list time I was asked to sign a petition it regarding a death caused by the treatment, or lack thereof, of their local NHS.

The person who started that campaign, on this same site used by big names like Which Magazine, was then bullied by the NHS and their solicitors into taking it down.

If that is not a bona-fide prime example that as well as the NHS the entire legal system and the way they are managed by The Law Society needs to be dismantled prev by piece. Anyone found to have been... creative... personally for personal gain, well the banks did it, should be imprisoned for a long time. Personal gain incudes protecting someone else. Who week likely be powerful, famous or rich or indeed any combination of the above.

This bullying was performed despite the fact that it s not illegal, nor immoral, and yet the legal system today seems to me that 90% of it protects the guilty, fraudulent and wealthy. Yes you better believe I said that.

The lady who started the campaign I refer to, and covered in here both pre and post it's closure, did indeed above she was closing the campaign.

How do I know most of the legal system is as bad as all that? Because I worked in it, dealt with 200 solicitors and watched the government erode away the legal rights to the poor until the was nothing left at all. Of course I am speaking of Legal Aid here. But nothing done about it not was it challenged based on the fact that it totally removed people's legal rights. No one did a thing.

A previous Doctor said to me "Yes they are getting ask that money and giving it to the wrong people!" That says said about 6.5 years ago or before the recession started.

Labour already walked through the door labeled 'Inhumane Only" with Tony Blair. David Cameron simply walked to the far side of the room and got ahold of the handle to the door labeled' Evil Doers Only".

Lmao.

Below is a webpage that features a campaign against the NHS over a woman, called Alice, with cancer who they are refusing to fund cancer treatment of.

Yup you read that correctly it says 'refusing to fund treatment'.

https://www.change.org/p/jeremy-hunt-change-the-decision-and-fund-cancer-treatment-for-alice-dann?utm_campaign=new_signature&utm_medium=email&utm_source=signature_receipt#share