Thursday, 14 December 2017


I should have really done this weeks ago but .. with a new house and four children, two Autistic and one .. extremely disruptive, needy and wanting to be the centre of attention and screaming the place down and stamping is feet every time he is asked to go to bed .. it is bad.

The older one is nearing puberty too ..

So we think we, or rather they, are moving into a more, but not totally, suitable house.

The mother is tired all the time .. has sleep apnea, specific women's problem I will not divulge, Fibromyalgia that causes a long list of problems which is a sleep depravation disorder at the end of the day.

She is tired all the time and always doing something while four children are always at her feet demanding things.

I think there is some pyschology going on here because needy-boy was and still thinks he is the centre of the universe, has no problem with a sister two years his junior going to bed two hours before him but flips out if he is asked to go to bed before a brother that is five years older than him.

I have tried to explain this over and over but it just does not compute.

So .. I have been thinking long and hard as well as mentioning to the mother about things that would make her life easier.

  • Fortunately there is a large kitchen, three times bigger than the current one so ..
  • WALL UNITS out of reach and with doors because ..
    • If they see stuff the house gets screamed down until they get it and it is all gone!
  • CHILD GATES on the stairs and living room doorway
  • LOCKS for doors and cupboards
  • Way better and bigger COOKER
  • CARPETS .. for Five Story House with 3 Bedrooms
    • TELEVISIONS for the Autistic Children a must
    • TELEVISION for needy-boy
    • Because they all end up in mums bed who then cannot sleep and then has to get all these children up, dressed and to school on time!
  • Much Larger FRIDGE FREEZER.. it empties not long after being filled
  • SOFA
  • STAIN RESISTANT CLOTHING for two with Autism
  • A bloody CAR
  • CHILD CAR SEATS that Autistic Children cannot get out of
  • That then means CAR INSURANCE
  • Overpriced CAR TAX
  • Two Autistic children really show you that familiarity breeds content
  • Play things for what will be a real garden
  • Garden needs work soo GARDENING STUFF
  • PLAY THINGS LIKE SLIDES for Autistic children for garden
  • Garden SHED
  • New GARDEN DOOR with windows so children can be watched (only if it is decided the house is suitable at a later date)
  • PAINT for every single ROOM! LOL!
  • BOOKS ON CHILDREN WITH AUTISM (As there are no libraries left and no bloody time to go there because there is no bloody help & support!)
  • Set Up two Crowd Funders to Help where my own help is merely time and small amounts of what is left of my savings ..

People knowledgeable on children with Autism might know about other things, which we would be grateful to hear about in the comments.

Many of these got sacrificed because I needed to help with my family and move 250 miles away to a strange place I do not know and everyone feels .. different. With my own disability and heart and chest issues.

  • New PC BUILD with as many CPU cores as possible (12 to 16 AMD Threadripper)
    • For 42 Mega Pixel photo-editing and 4K video editing
    • Can be used for gaming I upload to my YouTube Channel
    • Home Broadband (using mobile currently – NOT VIRGIN!)
    • (All above was sacrificed)
  • AMD RYZEN 6 CORE LAPTOP (Photo Editing – Video Editing on the Move)
  • Sony 100-400mm A-Mount zoom lens (was sacrificed)
  • A MONTH IN PEAK DISTRICT (might not happen)
  • A MONTH IN SCOTLAND (was sacrificed)
  • A MONTH IN WALES (might not happen)
  • Trip to China with Camera (was sacrificed)
  • Car checked over .. CV Joint replacement, Top Up Cooling Bottle Replacement (was sacrificed)
  • Camera Flash (was sacrificed)
  • Typhoon H Camera Drone or Mavic Pro for Wildlife Photography and Birds Eye View Videos (was sacrificed)
  • Celestron Reflector Telescope of 8 Inches for Astrophotography and YouTube Channel and Astronomy Blog
  • Though I would be over the moon to just get my savings up a little (would kill anxiety issues) the PC Build, the 100-400mm zoom lens and car given the once over!
  • Set Up my own Patreon Account so people could donate .. thanks to the evil UK government and their lies, tricks and cheats ..

If only it got moving by just a few pounds, the crowd funding that is, so that I would give this mother something to feel positive about and some feeling of hope?


It is difficult to stay positive about anything. I know this better than most .. well most that are living at any rate.

When I set up the two crowd funding sites, long story, the person I did it for turned to me after a couple if days and said “I don't think they are going to work”.

What spurred me into doing it at the time was the change in her attitude that after thinking she would get some help form the authorities because of all their mistakes that suddenly there would be none. I had also been hearing this from others as well as being informed that the authorities do not do any of the things they used to do years before. I was confident they would do their duties as that was how it came across. But then I started to get concerned.

I am not only amazed that there has not been a serious incident to one of the children's safety in this house but amazed that this has not been picked up on by visitors. Well not the social workers or victim support.

I have also been amazed that they have not seen nor aired the issues we would face if things remained the same in this house. Instead we have heard this from others and I am afraid it begs the age old question ..

What is the point in these people and their wages, whether it be from our taxes or some naïve person's donations?

Other social workers I know, a social worker of 25 years, and a disability solicitor for Mary Ward Legal back in Camden in London along with an Internal Investigator for William Hill with a child of her own and a list of others have all been shocked at both the amount of things that have occurred with all of us as well as the lack of help.

Yesterday the young mum ws at another hospital visit which I thought was about the previous biopsy. I had been looking after two of the children, with Autism, and during that time I had been called by the aforementioned social worker I know and the disability solicitor. After hearing what they had to say ad then them hearing their shock at the latest events I told them that the young mum was in hospital. After coming off the phone there was a knock t the door and I assumed it was the young mum. I had been dreading what she had t tell me because she attended a hospital that I was told doubled up as a cancer hospital and a hospice. But it was the eldest child returning from school and that threw me.

His mother had been taken to hospital by her mother and they should have returned before the eldest child with his younger brother as they were in a car. I asked the boy about this and I said I wondered of his mother's friend was bringing the other brother home? He said that he had seen her and that she was walking along with her daughter .. but not with his younger brother. I gave it five minutes and started to worry.

After another five minutes I decided to call and it turned out she had picked up the second boy and had gone off to Asda. She also said they had to take another biopsy. “Oh OK .. another weeks wait, great!” I said in response.

I spent twenty minutes wondering how in the hell they took a biopsy previously and gotten it wrong? 'What the hell?!' I kept thinking. Also I knew that a breast scan was due any day so we would be having to wait for two results, possibly, and that did not include whatever they are goig to do about a third lump. Though there might already be some answers to some of this.

As it turned out that appointment was the breast scan .. so they had to take another biopsy from that too! The young mum of 24 had gotten the days mixed up and so had I as a result.

While she was out at this appointment I had been trying to work on things, write some blogs, look up what I hd done thus far with the crowd funding and check my Patreon account and ask myself why the mum had been so negative about it.

Because I had been negative about so much in the past and like my sister stated to me a few times “How many times has someone in our family tried to do something and it has not worked out?!” A lot is the answer to that one.

But you have to keep trying no matter what because if you do not keep trying different things then you might s well give and go home. Some do and this unfortunately ends up as suicide and this is how it has been for me. Until I win or .. give in with the ultimate of consequences I do not know what else to do. Even when it often feels like it is slowly killing me.

I long to return to London .. even for just a couple of days and even with half or most of that driving because it would give me a break. I do have thing that require me being in London because it is costing me money, like belongings in storage. I tried to hold onto too much stuff, did not know it would take me so long to get back. Did not know that nothing would come into the fact I had £35,000 inheritance stolen from me, was not informed. I did not know that the extra £4,000 payment would only be £800. I did not know that I would not get my £750 back from my previous landlord and without reason and after I turfed the front garden for them before I left. I did not know finances here were so bad. I had no idea I would spend as much as I have, even buying a car that has now gone. I did not know that the authorities would not be supporting the family as they should. I did not know she would not be getting the extra money you sued to get, despite three with disabilities and I did not know they refuse to recognise a disability until they are four years old. Oh and I did not know about the massive fuck up, or corruption, take your pick, that is the HMRC over claiming back thousands of pounds of single mothers they have no right too.

Of course I never thought about bedroom tax, the DWP tricks and lies I know about only too well and the feck up they have done to the welfare system and of course Universal Credit.

I never expected them to stab me in the back .. just prior to moving 250 miles away to a place I do not like to help a 24 year old mother with two Autistic children and two other children that they are not fecking helping either.

So yeah .. that is just the very short version of one of the biggest horror stories that is ongoing in the UK and we have absolutely no clue to the outcome.

We are unduring a living nightmare that may have the ultimate consequences and no one gives a shit.

So why would this 24 year old other of four, with two Autistic, herself with one disability they do nothing about or for and three cancer scares that have just endured months of domestic abuse and stalking from the perpetrator from a prison cell? Why not, indeed.

So I was looking around at the crowd funding sites and my blogs when I realised that the GoFundMe and JustGiving sites were either not showing, not working or I had not included them on some blogs completely?! Dumb-arse!

So last night after a day of some positives and a few negatives I decided to mess around with the layouts of the blogs I had.

I then bloody realised something else .. there was no bloody adverts showing up on my blogs .. or at least some of them. I have one were I have never been able to figure out how to put the same Adsense ads onto my WordPress blog too. Had totally forgotten about that over the years. No wonder I was still waiting for my first payment five months after expecting it.

These bloody blog hosts have a lot to answer for, Google and Blogger more than anyone! I sent them feedback ripping them a new one over it!

I could not even get the Adsense widgets to appear on the layout screen and though I did not get it right .. I did eventually manage to get advert to show up again.

My earnings had hit £46 something like a year ago but .. then nothing much happened and it has only gone up by a single pound after that and I could not figure out why this was? It simply made no sense.

Anyway I think I have partially corrected this .. demanded answers of the God-complex staff at Blogger and fixed the links to the Crowd Funding sites.

There was some talk about an ad blocker or something I remember reading about some time ago. I wondered whether I was a victim of all this fake news borllacks and wondered of the BBC had once again stuck the knife into my family?

Of course it could be someone else sticking the knife in and the numbers produced from two identical blogs hosted by different people .. simply make no sense whatsoever.

Still I think I have corrected the adverts in part at least .. fixed the links to the crowd funding sites as well as the links to my Patreon account.

Have to look up 'teams' to which they keep mentioning on one of the crowd funding sites, I think it was JustGiving as opposed to GoFundMe? Don't know how that works.

I just hope that something happens that gets rid of the negativity that I hide and this young mother shows.

Even if it only a small start .. just to show her, ahem and me too really, that there are caring people out there and they are not all amoral.

The Crowd Funding and Patreon links are on the top right, or atop the side banner .. her first as this is primary to me and mine below, lol.

Wednesday, 13 December 2017


Well, well, well.

Hello, hello, hello .. what do we 'ave 'ere then?!

Sorry .. wrong part of the country. That is where I am from and what they used to say and likely before my time to. Just.

I have been at almost everyone of late. The Local Council in Wirral. The NHS from back down south and maybe .. just maybe .. the Wirral NHS Trust too? Possibly from four to eight different directions at once. Though partly this may involved the NHS's higher echelons? We will see?

I have been at the Police lately too. Never expected that one.

Never expected this one either ..

Wirral police officer sacked after making false witness statements

Oh dear.

They are not very good at collecting evidence in a hit and run that became a murder inquiry either.

They are also very odd at making statements and after answering with just a brief description the office would spend ages writing things down and I thought he was a descendent of Tolstoy?!

Hmm .. I wonder if this was him in the link below?!

Clothes covered with the victim's blood remained here for weeks from an incident near Kings Mount Road, Christchurch Road in Birkenhead.

Hmm .. this could be a real problem come January 2018 which could then become a real threat of violence that could end up with someone being killed and me winding up in prison?!

Better watch this space!

Mum with disability and 'C' scares and our children, two Autistic, were threatened by someone that if the Police .. fecked up .. could return. Obsessed ad dangerous and the reason why there are Crowd Funding links on the right. Would be a dream come true if I could get them all out of the area completely?!

These public services never learn and I am feeling confident that the hardest ones to teach a lesson are going to be the corrupt HMRC.


That is the line that was actually included in a letter from an Orthapaedic Surgeon to my GP at the time.

I had realised it as odd and later realised it was code .. fob him off because he looks fit.

I was also later lied to .. had a row face to face .. he tried to trick me by calling my bluff which unluckily for him was a double-bluff.


That was the first time I had them lying to my face. Several more quickly followed and the recordings started either just after this or just before it.

If you look fit you will get fucked off unless its something that either will appear obviously quickly, a household name or kill you quickly.

Unfortunately for them the condition they lied about I later self-diagnosed and then later discovered they had known about it for at least two years.

Also unfortunately for them the serious sides to it that they either gambled on not appearing, high blood pressure, postural hypotension causing grey-outs and black-outs, effect on your heart and chest as well as eyes and other things that can be picked up on .. failed.

I have all the above and that does not even include the fact that the bit that everyone seems to have ignored is the research and reports to state that Fibromyalgia has strong links to suicides and cancer which I already linked to in a previous post.

When People Think Your Illness Isn't Real Because You Don't Look 'Sick Enough

This is the infamous line I have heard for fucking years, 13 to be exact, from friends and family because the NHS fucking misdiagnosed over and over again and then lied.

Now the DWP pull the shit on you too because they know most of the public are stupid idiots that think like this.

I always put the word 'failure' or 'failures' in the tags or labels but this annoys me, because they are nothing of the kind.

Not just to me too and someone close to me has three cancer scares and waiting four months fpr two children to be listed as seriously Autistic.

No fucking help which is why I spent a lot of my inheritance and started up two crowd funding campaigns, dont even ask, with GoFundMe and JustGiving and a Patreon account for me!


Well what do you know?

On that Parliament page to do with the Work & Pensions Select Committee I go and learn that there also exists a Health Select Committee?!

In the report I sent in there was a lot of highlighting of the failures on the NHS in my case and as any one who has followed this long enough knows ..

.. I have a long history of things being missed for many, many years along with misdiagnosis and of course lies and falsifications.

I also know that with local government no department ever bothers to walk across the hallways or even check their computers for any or other details regarding things like mitigating circumstances, for example.

So with those things in mind I sent a copy and paste of that report I sent to the Work & Pensions Select Committee to the Health Select Committee too.

Not sure if it details everything? Well to do with the NHS at any rate but it does state a few things at least.

I would have mentioned that both my disability and that of my daughter's have been missed. I would have mentioned that some things to do with someone close to me have been missed and that we have a list of scares to get through end even if we get through them .. serious issues still exist.

We still have disabilities and .. so do two children who they refuse to diagnose until 4 years of age and we were told that a visit to the school would be needed by a paediatrician. Weird because everyone else are under no illusions as to what it is. Schools, social workers, health visitors and others and even mothers of children who have Autism.

So either this is a delay tactic to save money which in this case is not only bad because of the level of Autism involved but the fact that it effects two out of four children when there is already a difficult child in the house.

So let us see if anything comes from that?

Of course on both reports it states failures of local councils as well as the Police so .. will anything get passed on by this .. Parliament?

All remains to be seen.


There are various ends.

And there are various dreams of those ends.

These ends might not be what you may well be picturing in your heads right now, or maybe they are depending on how you searched to get to this page.

I have spoken many times about my disability of Fibromyalgia and the number of symptoms it causes. Man of these are unbearable and others potentially dangerous. New ones have appeared that I believe to be dangerous and have had me ask about having my feet amputated and replaced with mechanical ones.

Others make we want to die. Purely because they are both unbearable and .. simply not dealt with or ignored. Until now but they are still not understanding of the seriousness of the situation nor the backlash should something go wrong. Even more annoyingly the one that has me longing for death can be dealt with in any one of three ways. Two involve the correct prescriptions with an understanding that my short term memory problems are .. well, problematic and actually compound the problem.

Another one of those is the fact that I have been led down a garden path .. have enough money to set myself up doing what it is I love best presently and .. had the proverbial rug pulled from beneath me leaving me with an ever shrinking amount of savings and minus four items .. one 100-400mm lens, though professionals use the more expensive f2.8 300mm lens and f4 500mm lens. The first would be enough and it is a third of the price of the 300mm and sixth of the price of the 500mm. The second is a flash, yeah I did not even manage to get that. The third is a camera drone .. for cliff faces for sea birds and tree tops for things like Purple Emperor Butterflies I have wanted to film for a number of years now. These are challenges and I like challenges and being successful then you tend to be more successful with it. I also had to build a new PC to be able to edit the very high definition RAW file photographs and 4K video. You simply cannot do it with a budget built PC. I also wanted to have a go at making cages .. out of glass and wood to sell to people wanting to grow Orchids, something I am adept at. So I needed a couple of DeWalt items, a Festool Circular Saw and a worktable.

I have a dozen blogs and the camera would help most of them while the work tools would help both my Orchid blog and my YouTube channel.

Right here and ow there is another pause on all that and one I did not expect to go on anywhere near as long as it has.

So I was led down a garden path, got all my plans and purchases accepted week after week for three months or more and then as I did them they all got cancelled. So I was encouraged to spend the money and then was told the proverbial rug had been pulled around a week after the date I went self-employed.

I was tricked and I was lied to.

A shame then that they sent me emails all the way through and that I recorded every single NEA meeting and every single Job Coach meeting.

I should not be experiencing my anxiety. But I am. The day I received an email from that Work & Pensions Select Committee I was happier. I had also received my first Universal Credit payment too so that was another worry out of the way. But there are still many others and what is primary are the results to three tests, one due any time now and a breast scan that is any day now too. Tomorrow or Friday I believe. Then there is the stomach scan which is itself developing some very odd problems and pains. Many seem to be similar to ones I have had but not entirely sure on all of them. There was a pain being felt last night.

As stated previously and due to the problems with Autism there are four children and two afflicted with the aforementioned condition.

Last night there was a conversation in this house with the other of a single child out of three that has Autism and he is violent. Even the Police have been called to the house. The boy is eight.

Some questions that has been wondered about were asked and I remember someone stating that the children get worse and in all honesty .. it is fucking hard to imagine things getting harder. The older of our two with Autism is already a bloody nightmare and they tell us the youngest o going to be worse. It simply does not bear thinking about.

We were explaining that the older one goes into a meltdown now because she wants to sleep in mum's bed every night. There is only one reason for this .. her room gets locked and this does not happen with her mum's room, therefore she knows she can come swanning down the stairs several times and she does. Every night. She demands things like TV programs, TV's in the bedroom and even when she try to briber her with going to bed in her own room, with sweets, and get those promises they are broken. Within ten minutes at times.

The other mother of an Autistic child said that they were indeed going to get worse when they get older and that her child does not even have a bed in his room because he always sleeps I his mother's bed. He refused to go to school but there was some rumour that the authorities turned up t the house and marched him to school?

I constantly ask myself how this young mother is going to cope and if anything was to happen to her, which seems likely due to the way the Doctors and hospitals are all acting nervous and have called us in six times in a few weeks and and seems no sign of ending, how the fuck will I cope?!

I ask myself that if we get through these test result OK or with some successful operative procedure will my anxiety finally go? Or will I still have these feelings of absolute dread that I do not understand?

At least I know one substance to cut out that seems to magnify what they call 'the night dreads' and turn them up to 11. But it may well go up to '11' or higher all on its own?

So when you have had this sort of thing long enough you start to picture the various endings to it all and you hope that they come. In the end you do not care.

I am one that would not like to lose my mobility and I certainly would not like to lose my independence. I get too .. hyped up and I am already having feelings of missing getting out and about amongst nature with my camera stuff .. I long for it at times.

But the seriously dwindled state of my savings has made me somewhat nervous .. I case things go wrong and .. as I am not clear yet if I am getting even the proper and normal amount of Universal Credit I am even more wary of doing anything.

I just hope that by March, at least, something has worked out because the Spring, Summer and Autumn can be very productive times for me. I can be active in the Winter too and often used to be but due to hibernation .. there was always less opportunities. Except if and when it became picturesque and maybe with .. architecture.

Each time you go through 'episodes' it seems to go on forever and you start to think it will never end but it does. Eventually. When the authorities stop coming after you with a proverbial axe and holding hands out for funds that do not exist an any universe.

In the last week or two I have created four opportunities of this latest episode coming to an end .. for most things and for both of us.

  • My Patreon account to help me
  • GoFundMe to help these kids and mum .. due to confusion with them ..
  • JustGiving to help these kids and there mother
  • Contact from Work & Pensions Select Committee to possibly help all of us

For the time being I have to keep on suffering and am still trying to get things done but what with Christmas and all the Hospitals, Doctors, supposedly moving into a bare empty house, memory issues, pain, anxiety and this damned chest/heart thing and someone else's stomach and now nausea thing, two autistic children .. one needy boy who is now copying the oldest Autistic and having a meltdown about sleeping in his mother's bed too.

I told you that needy-boy was a problem?

Mother in pain .. decides to have a bath .. need-boy, NOT Autistic, has already been screaming as loud as he can 'I DON'T .. WANT .. TO GO TO BED!' for half an hour who then makes every excuse to come out of his room, get sent back and balling his eyes out for not getting his own way. Keeping the oldest Autistic one awake and encouraging her out of her mother's room where she sreamed the place down when told she cannot sleep in their. Needy-boy, he is the one in the picture on the crowdfunding site, taken years ago and is even crying in that picture too when I knew he would be like this, is also winding up and fighting with the Autistic sister.

I heard the mother explode from the bathroom!

I could not go up and exert any authority because .. well she was in the bath! LOL.

Meltdown, meltdown, meltdown is all it is and they are even at school part to most of the day. One here now but not too bad on her own, the youngest.

They need to be separated and they absolutely need their on bedrooms .. seriously need their own bedrooms. Or things ill get far, far .. worse.

Oh but there is a new house that is more suitable. Yeah I did say MORE suitable. They still have to be paired up in bedrooms but they are bigger. One at one end and another at the other.

Yeah needy-boy with still end up winding everyone up including his brother who will go through puberty soon, meaning needy-boy gets black eyes a lot.

Yeah and the Devil's Angel will still wake up three time a night .. wake up her little sister and the two of them will have meltdowns throughout the day and that is without needy-boy who goes around winding all three others up.

I do see mistakes, sure. But it is not my place to say. There is too much stress going on and not my place anyway.

But then I am in panic mode because I think I might be suddenly thrust into this and it is all my sole responsibility?!

EDIT: The the discovery of and of course lack of being informed, despite the inordinate amount of waiting for them because they are so important and know so much, of GPs, Doctors and Specialists failing to tell me that  my now damaged eyesight, heart and blood pressure could be affected by Fibromyalgia because they refused to send me to a specialist and even when I tricked the into doing so .. only saw me once.

Didn't tell me it as behind the anxiety or that this could lead to the loss of the use of your legs on occasion?! Or that there are links to both high suicides, oh how I now get that as well as cancer and likely other things, like aneurysms which is what my father died of at 56.

Good God, man. Someone shoot me please! I would be far more humane.

Two videos of the two oldest kids from a few years back ..

Needy-boy when he started being needy some years ago ..

Oldest again ..

Tuesday, 12 December 2017


Jesus Christ!

Here is something I thought I would never .. EVER witness in the UK.

There is an ITV News report linked below that states that schools have been washing children's clothes and charging their mobile phones for them .. because despite handing out no money we are all expected to pull smart phones and laptops out of our arses!

But that was not the most shocking thing ..

 .. that was a sharp rise in cases of children with Rickets?!


I have not heard of this condition mentioned since I was at school when one black school kid had it and it was explained to me that Afro-Caribbean people suffered from it due to the lack of sunlight, or its weakness in the UK. One case. Nearly 40 years ago. That was it!

But here I am watching a news piece by ITV about kids in Morecombe, of all places, having cases of Rickets rising up.

This is from malnutrition.

I simply do not believe it and .. well if they can continue on with this then there must be a fuck load of things the government are not telling us ..

.. while still tossing obscene amounts of our taxes around to other countries as if it was confetti?!

This was the second part of a two part piece and it involves two schools in Lancashire according to their website?