Sunday, 31 July 2016

CAPITAL IDEAS

Well this might turn out to be interesting?

It would seem, and something I didn't predict for once, that the fiasco that is BHS seems to have left a bad taste in the mouth as far as capitalism goes?

With that occurring Theresa May seems to have come up with some ideas to make capitalism work. Maybe even a fairer capitalist system?

Interesting.

Even members of the SWP have admitted they might have got a few things wrong. Heard this from an ex SWP member who is a member of my family.

Interesting to read was the parts about putting some of the workforce on the boards? Hmm? I find that an interesting idea which sure not mean it would work though. It sounds like a step in the right direction.

The trouble with the times we are in is that just 'steps' is not good enough not fast enough any more. Things went so far downhill and so quickly with a bunch of other things everyone was forced to repress that most people's patience run low or evaporated completely.

We have also been in the mess fit what seems like an age. Before long it will be a decade and then after that you will be looking at a period of time that would be equal to the entire working life of your average person?

Things should not nor never be allowed to get that far. The entire time that your average adult would normally be working? Not even half that time is smart or acceptable.

What of those that have been out of work for the first five to fifteen years of their adult working life?

Would people and companies hiring take the financial crisis and recession into account? Out what they be limp arse wipes like they have been for years? Narrow minded, on other words.

What was absolutely certain was that a number of things needed to be done in a number of areas.

What I have heard in recent days of that Theresa May has stated about doing something in three of these areas needing attention? I question that because I still need to confirm she did the the things that have been claimed to me.

We have this one, trying to get representatives of the workforce onto the boards of directors in some way. On the boards of directors doesn't actually did feasible.

I've heard that she had made statements about the way certain groups of people have been treated. Note if I recall correctly, my memory is utter shite half the time, I think it was disabled people and by the DWP?

Also the other statement I've previously mentioned about non-native people earning less than £35,000 per annum going home.

Would be surprising enough even if these were all certainly stated.

Would be a bloody unbelievable and make many people happy if she made good on her statements or promises.

There is another thing that can come from this and that is the feel good factor. A widespread feel good factor will help jump start things. A feel good factor will have a vast majority going out and doing things again and this of cheese means spending money. Meaning the economy will improve.

With the way things are right now and all the scare mongering over leaving Europe taking actions as those she has mentioned will cause many downward trends to reverse in direction.

The more things are laid to rest then the more things will reverse in direction and the faster things will improve. The levels of happiness will rise, contentment will be found by ever more people and the better things will get.

But let's face facts.

Right now it's all just words, statements and maybe even promises. Someone these fools think that just providing things they have no intention on delivering on will achieve the same effects I've been speaking of.

The idea being that people immediately think these things will come to pass without question and immediately feel happier. In which case people spend, forget or wait before possibly taking action, marching or protesting for change.

Sometimes it might just be to shut people up until they forget about whatever it is or give in and accept whatever it is?

One of these statements can't be disproven for at least two years and remains at that time period until article 50 has been triggered. If it's ever triggered?

Five ways capitalism can work ‘for all, not just the few’ http://flip.it/m_pH1

WE DO THE OKEY-COKEY & WE TURN AROUND

Well … I called it!

I was looking for some information that was stated to me a few nights back.

I was told that Theresa May had stated that when we are out of Europe, I am guessing here, that anyone not born here and earning under £35,000 per annum was going to be asked to leave the UK.

This seemed to go against my recent gut feeling of what was currently playing out, that triggering 'article 50' was being delayed even further than it first was and that there was a dark and cunning reason behind it. This plan was never going to end well down the lines.

That was all that I was told.

I had forgotten to look it up and only remembered this today when a friend called me from Crete and he was surprised and happy to hear that. I would guess that just about everyone I know would be happy to hear that?

However I have been flicking through this article on a blog called The Spectator and there is both in interesting and annoying comments section. It seems that others are drawing the same conclusion as me that they are delaying triggering article 50 by trying to scare the British public more so that remaining in Europe looks a better option and no one objects from the original leave voters?

The author seems to think that the vote going towards leave was not about booting anyone out of the UK and I am afraid she is seriously deluded if she thinks that.

Even on the night when it was clear, eventually, that 'leave' was going to win politician after politician said that all they were hearing, and I heard from people, was about far too many immigrants and the NHS. I would wager that this is followed up with the way that every public service is run. I would put money on it and I am not someone who agrees with betting!

I am sorry but it is about immigrants and it was for me.

But there is a reason for this being about immigrants … because them coming in was handled extremely badly by central government, local government and a whole bunch of fringe companies they deal with.

A case in point that a few years back a place not far from me called Enfield Island Village there was, and likely still is, a lot of trouble. This went on a number of years. Eventually one day the housing association decided to set up an big … outdoor party, for want of a better term. They had loads ot tables, sweets, cakes and toys and stuff for the children. They had pizzas form the local pizza store by the mountain. They were even giving away vouchers aimed at woman for manicures and beauty parlours!

One person with their son came out and she is a native, white English woman I know and had her son with her. The organisers stood around look at each other in confusion that no one was coming out for the free stuff. One of them stated to my friend that they could not understand it. She said “You do not know why they are not coming out and why there is so much trouble around here? You have shoved everyone together” to which they answered that they did that thinking it would, basically, force people to get on. My friend told them that you had Greeks, Turks, Arab Muslims, Jehovah's Witnesses, and a hole load of nationalities that obviously hate each other. What else did they think would take place?

This is also funny because I said to her at the time … ooh when someone British says something that might be taken as a little offensive everyone goes nuts about it. But hhere you have all these nationalities that have come running here and their attitudes and actions towards each other is inhuman and downright rude and racist even at the bets of times.

My friend had to live right in the middle of all that. I was always hearing of trouble between two people or two different groups and there were regular stabbings taken place in Ordnance Road.

I absolutely detested the area which was a shame because it looked nice.

I also know people that bought houses on the island and later n went mad because they moved in what were the roughest of the rough for different nationalities, crime shot up and their house priced dropped like lead balloons, Because so many houses had to be handed over to housing associations and given out to people that need housing. These were mostly of a criminal and dishonest bunch that sent the place downhill when they all moved in.

It was a running joke that it was unusual to have a night whereby a Police car or van did not go over the bridge onto the island.

Yet I have always been told no to being asked for housing regardless of my conditions, thus far, and I have always been honest with them all the way down the line.

I am expecting to do all this once or twice more over the next couple of months only this time I am going to give them a piece of my mind on each occasion. They will not like it. But it will be the truth and I will explain why voters voted to leave and explain that a large fraction of those that voted to 'remain' would likely feel the same way.

What is funny is that in arguments the 'remainers' act as if they are only a slightly lower majority when they are so, so not.

I have stated before a percentage of the people that voted to remain would have also been unhappy and had various reasons why they still chose to vote the way they did.

Then you are going to have percentages of the remain voters that simply wont count.

For example I stated to friends … “I wonder what percentage of the 'remainers' where not of British descent and voted to remain because they were earning money from getting people British Citizenship or foreigners still wanting to get more family and friends over?”

The fact is that something has been going wrong in this country with the way things are done and it has been going wrong for years. I have mentioned it in arguments with council so many times it simply begs belief. The trouble is no one took any notice and British people simply were not cared about and you could dump them in the trash and no one would notice.

I have news for you … that could be racism in many cases as I have heard story after story and report after report of foreigners working for councils only helping people of the same origins. It is also discrimination. After all have people not said that you cannot be racist towards white people?

What you have had in recent years is a soup on a high simmer. Walking the working class, the poor and the vulnerable into the worst financial crisis in history and you have had been making them pay for years. What has been happening of late, currently and will do for a time yet is that the steam has been venting.

Now if you was a cook and your steam cooker started to whistle you would drop the heat down and if cooked simply turn it off.

The situation you have here that I predicted God knows how many years ago, more than ten at least, is exactly like that of my cooking analogy. Only this time they want to turn down the heat but there is something wrong with the controls. It wont go down and the only way to stop the soup boiling over is to simply blow out the flame.

This situation has come about not because of people that voted to exit Europe but by everyone else that put Brits to the back of the queue for everything and they were overjoyed in a funny way when they turned there attentions to screwing over the disabled. There is simply no lengths they would go to, to continue to look PC.

My blogs have worked and fought against this. I have exposed how there is a web of lies and lying and hiding the truth from the public by the biggest public services of all. From the NHS to the DWP, many local councils and even the Police. There are many others and even all their ombudsman.

There is one humongous list of people who are employed in what are nothing more than fake jobs and careers. But they point the fingers at those that get the bare minimum to live on and I am talking about ombudsman mostly but does apply to large sections of the big four.

I have a Doctor on tape admitting to me when confronted that he falsified my ultrasound test.

Admitting on tape that he falsified my ultrasound test.

I do not only have that one tape. Neither do I have three or four or a dozen but many, many dozens on taped conversation, meetings and appointments.

I waited for years to get these and I had known for years that it was not only going on but it was absolutely rife. I was not sure how much the people perpetuating the lies actually knew what was going on or how much they were being deceived. There was only so much and so many I could uncover, but uncover them I did.

I still am uncovering them!

Their mottoes are do not do anything that makes us look un-PC, lie as much as you can and cheat as much as you can so we can get the money we all lost back by using those that had absolutely no part in it.

A lot of people of all walks of life now know these truths and even men of the cloth, authors and others and mainly through me.

That is why there was so many voting to give them a bloody nose.

Imagine at the next general election and instead of hundreds off thousands of people I had attracted millions of people. Imagine we had a referendum again even at that time? Imagine what the voting will be like then? Or possibly even lack of voters where people might decide that in the next general election to give the politicians yet another bloody nose because they have not learnt anything, still lie, cheat and connive by not coming out to vote?

My mother mentioned to me how she spotted they were using pencils and that they were easily rubbed out, obviously or conveniently forgetting I pointed this out to her act the last general election. So I told her about the story where a UKIP member noticed this, stood outside the polling station giving out pens and was arrested for it! She is no lover of UKIP or Nigel Farage but her draw dropped when I told her that and said “Your joking?!” I told her that I would have told her that I covered that use of pencils on my bog at the last general election. I then pointed out that we fast forward to present day and they were using the term 'pencil-gate' that I called over a year beforehand.

I then also told her that everyone I know voted to leave and that everyone that I know stated that everyone that they know voted leave except for one nephew.

I told her that when I told my landlord that Enfield and London had supposed to have voted to stay he said “rubbish” though my memory, faulty a lot of the time, is telling me the word was something else more colourful. Lol.

I said that when I started out many thought I was crazy for saying the things that I had seen and had guessed was going on. These days it is quite the opposite, though from time to time there is still the odd resistance now and then. To stuff that has been reported in the news in many areas of the country.

Brexiteers. Lol. That was what I heard one remain voter on the comments section of the page I have linked called people that voted to leave. They also made it sound like Brexiteers are this tiny majority of really bad or evil people, lol. Do not think that person was very good at maths at school? I get so tempted to go in sometimes when I see really stupid comments by someone who obviously wants to appear so very intelligent and give them the maths like that I gave here. I never do.

I heard something else interesting the other day too. I heard someone in the media state that they had looked at the idea of another Scottish referendum and found that if they held a second one the results would not only turn out the same but that there now might be more Scots vote to remain?

If there would be more Scots vote to remain in a second referendum … well that would be quite a surprise, though I had wondered whether this might be possible …

I think I stated this before? I imagine much of the Scottish industry is fishing for Cod and such like and I am sure that that many of them have been unhappy for years with the EU and there limitations? I am sure I remember hearing about it a few years back now, some documentary or other I saw somewhere?

Someone in the comments also pointed out that other countries are not going to stop buying stuff from us. They will still want Aston Martins, Scotch Whiskey, Rolls Royces, Land Rovers and God knows how many other things we produce.

I stated this previously and did state that this was most obvious but very pleased others have seen this for what it was.

Something I could also not get certain public bodies, that soo think they are something they are not, to understand and was laid out bare by voting to exit the EU. Everyone is the same and the despite what you might think of yourselves … like a dog … poke it with a stick long enough and it will get angry and bite you. But the attitude I have had from people has been appalling. Doctors, DWP staff and others all talk like they are of a different species and if they sense or see anger they react like your an animals and that anger is some weird disease. Like they are not affected with the same emotions and that they simply cannot get angry. I bet their shite don't smell either?!

BOLLOCKS!

LOL!

Personally it is not EU immigrants I have a problem with and every single other person I speak to does not have a problem with the EU immigrants either. Well not those off European descent. It is a strong religious faction that think themselves superior to everyone else, quick to shout 'racist', are offended by every other living and religious thing on the planet that follow a book that spends around half the time how to be utterly evil to others that are different in any way shape or form. Many people have now become aware of these people and the statements in the book that they folllow to the letter. I am sorry. But no one in their right mind is going to trust someone that follows a book that states the things it does. Why would anyone do that? I do not know religions people on the Christian side that tell others that they ignore large sections of their books. If you can pick and choose out of a religious book like that then your not really religious. According to the book you should therefore literally beat yourself up and cut off your own hands and head! That is what it allegedly states so if you do not follow the bit about cutting off people's heads and punishment for being non-followers then you simply have to cut off your own head. Otherwise your a hypocrite.

I have met hundreds of Jehovah's Witnesses and some tell me they are not as fanatical as they used to be but I would wager they still follow over 90% of the book. Maybe 100% and when they stated what they said to me they meant they do not ignore things that are not in the book?

Maybe they celebrate Christmas now and have blood transfusions? Who knows?

What I do know and it has now proved itself all on its own is you do not convince people by force by repeatedly banging their head against a wall until they think as you do. You do not repeat yourself over and over again, beat people with sticks like your trying to create your own version of Stockholm Syndrome on a mass scale. You do not take the easily punishable section of society and make then scapegoats. You can do it for a while …

...but eventually that dog is going go turn around and bit you in the arse!


WHEN THE DAYS GROW LONGER

It has been a week and yet it feels more like three.

I still feel a little tired and it always surprises me when I get like this. Thursday I had a a lot to do in one day. Though my mother did not end up coming at the end. I had to go with two brothers to pick up suits for a wedding I do not even know I will be able to attend yet. That was lakeside and always feels weird whenever I am out of Enfield. Probably because I do not get to leave the area much?

On the way back they shut down a slip road onto the M25. Then we travelled along the A13 and suddenly there was traffic and there had been an accident. The journey back ended up taking a fair amount of time. I left my house between 5.30pm to 6pm. All we had to do was try on the suits and then come home. No more than two hours was needed if it was straight there and back but we did have to pick up another brother and a nephew.

It was somewhere between 10.30pm and 11.30pm when I got home.

The following day I felt like I had run a marathon the day before and was completely out of it all day. That was very weird. I had only done a lot as far as these days go and what I can manage while in reality I had done very little. The things I did were broken up with a few hours in between here and there. I would not even class it as anything close to a normal working day. Yet I was in a slumber and daze the rest of the next day.

The weird thing is my mind still wants to do things and hates the boredom of doing nothing but my body was feeling the opposite. The only thing I had to do that day was to spend an hour or two at a friend's house looking after his pets, I go around 4pm. But I had trouble doing that and really did not want to!

I woke up this morning and I looked at the aquarium and see the water was down to about 70% … 'groan'.

At least my mother decided not to complain about the state of the house and actually admitted for the first time that I am having difficulties because of my condition. Very good at playing down other people's ailments while talking up her own usually. Maybe it will go back to that before long?

God I feel so tired.

I only have to feed the animals today and a good job it was not me having to do it on Thursday.

But when I am doing this job for others my own stuff will get neglected and it is why I did not want to do it. Along with the feeling tired and the crap storm of my own life I have to sort out.

I have managed to work out that the wedding and the hospital appointment are going to be on days when I would normally have to feed said animals. So I have to wait and see how the temperatures are going to be for the wedding day, too hot and I cannot go, before I find out wether I am going to be forced to miss a day.

OK for something a little … weird.

Due to a particular subject that is familiar to me the world ended … umm two days ago at the time of typing! I missed that, the world ending, very obviously.

Weird?

That is no what was weird and neither is the fact that I am about to state that I heard this over the radio … though that is kind of part of it.

What was weird was that on Absolute Rock Radio they were talking about a news report that stated the world was going to end because of a 'Pole Shift'. This is a process whereby the Earth's core, which has different densities of iron which causes our magnetic field, switches the densities between the northern and southern hemispheres. I bought a DVD of a film years ago called The Core that was based on this possibility. It does this naturally every few hundred thousand years or so. Basically after the event your compasses will point in the opposite direction. But it is what goes on in between the magnetic pole going from north to south they do not know about.

In the film The Core it predicts catastrophic events. Which … are a possibility, we just simply do not know because we have no records of them. But … none of the previous ones have wiped out all life on Earth. Obviously. The process could take hundreds of years for all we know. Yes I would imagine it would screw up many instruments based on reading the magnetic north pole, which will not be there any more. But then there may not be many instruments that do this any more? I am not entirely sure to be honest.

No what was weird was when I decided to look at where this news story came from and I saw that the Telegraph and another national UK tabloid had run the story in a joking sort of way. It was sourced from a site called 'Armageddon News' and the weird bit came when it said a computerised female, I think it said, voice did the reporting.

Nothing that weird about a computerised voice except for the fact that I have suddenly found myself coming across these in recent weeks, after look at several things about Bigfoot due to someone I know sending me things. Because I have looked up a few things myself YouTube has decided I must like these types of stories and keeps recommending more. A very large majority of them are absolute tosh and yet they have attracted many, many views. I said before that someone spews utter bullshit and gets tens of thousands or even hundreds of thousands of views. Someone else does a few things on a few sites to help, show evidence and advise people about the truth and corruption and you, or rather I, get a tiny portion in comparison.

Lol.

I have said before that a great many of the things I have uncovered and spoke about have ended up in the news weeks, months and even years later. A few weeks back I find a load of these videos screaming 'doom' or mad 'conspiracies' with these odd computerised voices and suddenly for the first time ever I hear them mentioned in the mainstream news? That .. is weird.

Yet another coincidence in several years of a long list of coincidences that are blatant copies of extremely late to the party? I do not know for sure but that many coincidences is a little hard to swallow.

It was thought possible that this shift in magnetic poles could cause a great deal of things and it may even be why there has been an increases in volcanic activity and eruptions? But an increase in eruptions, if caused by the shift, could just increase a little over a long period of time, build up to a crescendo or suddenly increase exponentially over a short period of time? Once again we just do not know. They may discover this in time or they may not. My guess is that they will … st some point.

Many of these videos will claim that many things are already known, though they claim to make statements of facts that are known instead of worrying about what it is they do actually know which just confuses the issue so that you cannot separate the wheat from the chaff. In other words many off these morons do more harm than good to the actual cause they believe they are working towards. Many of them are probably just working on the idea that sounding like there is an impending apocalypse attracts a lot of people and therefore hits, even if they are naïve people … naïve people will probably click on that link to buy a bunker, for instance?

The pole shift is just one of these possible catastrophic events along the line of meteor strikes and global warming. Speaking of which no one has ever mentioned the possibility of the increase in frequency and, at times, size of volcanic activity towards as regards to global warming. Forget everything else you can think of as a volcano must heat up billions of cubic metres of air and with an increase in the number of eruptions this must have a very noticeable effect?

Funny how we worry about the things we do not know about? Well some of us while the others continue on being amoral and extremely selfish and inhumane towards others when doom could be lurking around each corner? Ever corner may sound a little too much but at the end of the day it only takes one corner. I would bet that the volcanologists, astronomers and several others are all putting their own cases towards their own governments every so often about the possible dangers and why their budgets should be raised or not cut? Meteorologists too. The list of potential dangers are long and there has long since been an attitude of complacency. 'It has never happened in 100 years so it wont happen for the next twenty' and nature will always teach us a serious lesson about each and every one in time. But I do not know when that will be. Whether that is next week or 100 years I simply do not know. No one does. But there seems to have been years and years of people that claim to only to be proved wrong? But like the 'every corner' phrase I used earlier … it might only take one?

Oh yeah, I forgot about Einstein's, I think it was, theory on continental shift, also having its own theatrical film in '2012'. The film '2012' and not in '2012'. Yes the idea was of a Mayan calender prophecy theory but continental shift, or drift, is nevertheless a possibility. This may come about because of a Pole Shift? After all the Earth's crust sits on liquid and that liquid is what we are talking primarily about here. That huge amount of molten liquid shifting about could very well move the crust at the surface around. It is by no means a stretch of anyone's imagination to see that happening. Along with monumental earthquakes. But that would rather depend on the speed of the core moving about and it may well be that this has taken places both quickly and slowly in our distant history? Once again we simply do not know …. yet.

The funny thing is if it does happen in the next few hundred years we would have wished to God we had poured all our disposable taxes into space exploration and flight. It might not be just a pole shift that may make us regret that … meteor strikes and other things may make us regret that?

Speaking of which that is yet another thing that some conspiracy theorists have questioned and that is the sudden quest to get people on Mars. They think the government know something which is why there has been a huge drive towards space flight and Mars in recent years. But there are two things to bear in mind and one is that us travelling in space is somewhat … late. Very late. When I was at school they taught us that man would likely walk on Mars around 2004. So we are twelve years late and have no real definite date, I mean just a year, when this might happen. The other thing is that if indeed they are right about their theory then the approaching catastrophe must be some ways off? Unless of course men are on Mars right now and they kept that a secret? Lol.

Hmm now that I think about it there was some odd reports about millions of things like food and packaged water being ordered in America? Hmm that sends a shudder down my spine! In fact I am remembering claims now that there was some agreement with Russia, 'claimed', about using their troops to Police people in America as if they were expecting something?

Despite what you may or may not think about conspiracy theorists and their wild claims they do all have one thing right. We would not be told or at least not until the very last minute and we would be expected to be grateful that they told us at all. Lol.

The real question to ask, especially of the real conspiracy theorists is ...'How are you going to know?' Your not. You can only look for signs and guess. Maybe one day something will crop up that will be difficult to ignore? You can claim that they are keeping a lid on it in the media but that only goes so far. If too many in the media being privy to such knowledge someone will speak out or give the game away in one way or another? Loads of journalists moving to or buying land in Siberia or Greenland might be one? That might be a bit extreme but sudden large numbers of people emigrating might be another one? A bit like the migrants flooding to Europe? Except it would have to be a country capable of spotting this approaching Armageddon. America, Europe, Britain, China, Japan or any number of others?

Kinda makes me wonder why in the hell I have been getting humongous anxiety attacks over a public service, or the UK government's, attempt to make me homeless?

I stated that my anxiety makes no sense to me and seems to have a mind of its own and no rhyme or reason to the attacks happening? Well there is one case in point. I think on this occasion it is undoing all the work I have done while struggling with my health conditions and the losing of all the tools I have acquired? Even though I had somewhere … mapped out to … umm sleep during the time I was homeless not only would I have the pains and the embarrassing things going into overdrive I would not have access to my tools to continue working on my blogs and YouTube stuff.

There me exactly a year ago today thinking that by now I would have vastly expanded all of my blogs and YouTube channel and being on cloud number nine? That ended up getting extended by at least 18 months and now with about a year to go I just got knocked unconscious by a very large spanner.


Where are the conspiracy theorists now?

Thursday, 28 July 2016

THE COURT WILL BE IN SESSION

Oh .. my .. God!

I simply cannot believe how things go sometimes and how little disregard others can have, LOL.

In between days of doing a series of chores for someone else I should be doing that I want and need to be doing but no.

I have been out on my bike twice. The first time to get my rent, get a large envelope and some tobacco and return home to package some stuff up into the large envelope and mete my landlord to pay him.

I was supposed to be visited by my mother this afternoon too and then my brother, or one of them, texts me and asks if we can go over to try on some black suits we are having made for an upcoming wedding. Of course as is usual for me I forgot when we were having the measurements taken that this wedding is in August. Good chance of it being very warm and very humid, which I do not do well in. I am always in a vest and shorts in the warmer months.

Of course there are the blackouts, the recent seizure and the shutting down of my thigh muscles as well as the anxiety attacks. Oh did I mention about looking after animals every other day for five weeks?

Oh and the neurology appointment.

I forgot to get some other shopping while out. Was not sure I had enough money as I ended up with two packages to be sent via recorded delivery … to a court … in Bradford!

Out I go again on my bike after having the landlord get his rent, to an ATM before zooming back to a Post Office to send off my packages. Text asking me if picking me up is still OK and I say that I think it is but do not know where our mother has got to, typical.

Cycling down to the ATM I am checking the cars going towards my house, get to the ATM no calls to phone asking where I am, back to Post Office and then back home. No mother here waiting.

So then?

While I am waiting.

This is the post I would not type out until I had sent off the packages. The packages contained copies of evidence, Doctor's letters, hospital letters along with a run down about what has happened to me recently health wise. A report about the blatant disregard of the public services about how miserable and painful they make peoples lives. All the reports including the NHS lying and to cap it all off a DVD.

I also explain what has happened with my help.

You see this is about the Citizen's Advice Bureau and what happened when I attended my meting with them. To cut a meeting over an hour long to a brief minimum they filled in the form for me and compiled an appeals letter to the court, HMCTS (Her Majesty's Courts and Tribunal Service) SSCS, do not know what the latter acronym stands for.

While there a guy who was Lithuanian helped me and I said “Privet” to him and he looked surprised and said “Oh so you speak Russian?” to which I told him no but that I had a friend years ago from St Petersburg, his name was Edvard and I attended university with him.

We touched on a couple of things and he showed he was not naïve by saying “yes-yes-yes” a couple of times in the hour when I corrected him and said that the DWP lie.

He was surprised at how I had been treated, that I was receiving Incapacity Benefit and that they had just cancelled it like that. I also showed him something … on the latest letter I received from the DWP they stated that I had been asked four previous times to attend an assessment. I told him this was a lie and that they were supposed to come to my home for a Home Visit four times but failed to show up each time. I told him I had the letters and he was shocked.

It turned out some things about me I never thought about were relevant with the argument and which I did not think about when the DWP called me, a person with serious memory problems.

Well they will find out now.

The court service will also find out a few more things from me and that is a breakdown of the fact I have been lied to by the NHS for a decade. Not all the time and most of them probably did not realise the extent to which they were being used and why. One did. When she did with my help she walked in one morning announced to five stunned staff she had, had enough of the NHS, was retiring effective immediately, turned around and walked back out the door. The NHS were forced to put stand ins in place until they could unload the patients registered to other clinics.

I did not rust them and decided to pick my own. I chose … unwisely.

But then I do not think it would make much difference as the lies and cheating go on everywhere and they wont accept they are being used because after all they are Doctors. The most intelligent beings on Earth. No one could possibly manipulate and fool them? They certainly cannot take it when a lowly put of work patient manages to put all the pieces together and the hows and whys. Oh no-no-no.

Sorry but being unemployed does not mean your brain-dead or in any way unintelligent and nor does it mean that your life is worth less than others. That is the lesson I have been slowly teaching and telling everyone.

That is when I have the time, manage to get something to tell, manage to remember and all hell is not breaking loose while the wolves growl with bared teeth at my door.

Oh I got a call from my mother who was clearly at home and after 4pm when I am being picked up to try a suit on at 6pm. That ain't happening, lol.

Could have been a bit tricky there as she had come across an old post of mine posting about when I was homeless back when I was fifteen. Ooh. Lol. That was a bloody old post.

I had fallen out with my father .. well had a fight in reality and for some time wanted to live with my mother but that the guy she was involved with was none too keen. Not sure he would have been any keener if it were has own actual children. Probably why they have never spoken to him most of their lives. I was a teenager the last time I saw any of them and I am 47 now.

So I get to continue on umm typing? Well I can do something .. if I can think of it.

Yes so I have been helped by the Citizen's Advice and am going back to the court tribunal I loathed the last time around. Did not ask me the right questions and asked a very odd one. Like everyone else missed that I had Fibromyalgia and asked me if I could get to the Morrisons across the road?! I said “Well I got here didn't I? Considerably further than across the road, but in pain.

You see before you start it is set up as a cheat.

Something that idiot for that organisation that emailed recently clearly misses altogether by suggesting that the DWP can be sympathetic? LOLOLOLOLOL! Bloody .. hilarious! I simply could not believe my eyes when I read that email from that 'Peter' fellow. I thought he was joking and it was not done very well? Lol. The DWP? Sympathetic?

Ooh I never thought, maybe he is not British and like the Lithuanian came here from a country where the welfare system actually gives a crap about human lives? Possible I s'pose?

I shall have to try and remember to phone up and ask for a barrister on the day of the tribunal! Must do that immediately when the letter arrives with the court date.

Hmm in my complaining about the waste of taxpayers money and the way that the new welfare system was not being improved but instead royally fucked up I repeatedly said that they stated in the beginning that there would only be two benefits. I explained this to a friend recently who knew someone who was only getting one and thought that you could only get one. Uh-uh.

Suddenly this new one I never heard of, now attacking me, pops up out of nowhere. They spoke recently … sorry, stated a lie recently that they had asked me five times for an assessment but that I refused and yet I have asked them a dozen times or more over five years why they keep writing to me.

Answering why I cannot travel as I suffer from a disability is a damn site easier than asking why they keep contacting me. Yet I have told them about my disabilities very, very literally dozens of times, so that means they are deaf, dumb and blind and clearly proved over and over again they know nothing at all about file management. Or even computer systems or the way they store files … hey? I could teach them for a fee? Their doomed souls! Lol.

So then their seems to be some respite? The guy at the Citizen's Advice told me that the local council will continue to pay my rent so no homelessness for at least a couple more months.

Hmm I just thought of a new question … what happens in the case where people appeal and they get nothing at all? Surely they cannot refuse all money? He said that there are two rates of Employments Support Allowance, one is the work relayed one I had read about which is around £70 per week. One is the … umm incapacitated one which is around £100 per week.

Funny that as exactly a decade apart and forgetting the seven years they unfairly took disability away from me with the NHS' quite deliberate help …

I have gone from getting £130 per week to about £80 per week on disability.

I will go from £120 per week on IB to either £100 or £70 per week on ESA.

Forget any stupid, nonsensical and biased unworkable amoral feelings a visitor might have for a moment and think about it? What are the percentages in each case? £50 from £130 is a bloody massive percentage. £120 to £100 might well be smaller but that is still added on to that already lost on the other. So you would have lost £70 per week. £100 per week if you are put on the lower rate. Off the top of my head 30 to 40 percent?

Then remember how this is breadline money we are talking about here, not disposable income per se and then remember what we were all told. 'We are all in it together' even though the poorer, more vulnerable and disabled were not responsible for the risks being taken with other people's money. Christ almighty none of us really even knew it was going on. But where they did it and his it now it is a bunch of people on the breadline that is being forced to pay it.

Life is good at the top and in Politics and Banking is it not?

Ooh unless your one of those bank staff that has ended up being laid off, fired or made redundant because of the risks being taken.

Even my local bank is like a ghost town and the statement of a 'skeleton crew' does not even do it proper justice. A branch that could house over a dozen staff has about three or four most days. Large empty spaces in the branch every time I go in there.

There must be a hell of a lot of very, very bitter ex-banking staff out there in the wilds? I wonder if they have been feeling the cold touch of the DWP during that time and found out what it is like?

Hmmm I never though of that before. There must have been a lot of people lost their jobs and even more again changed their jobs after a brief period on being jobless? That must have continued on over the last 5 years and must continue on for at least another 5 years?

There is going to be a hell of a lot of people see the dark underbelly of the political spectrum after being shown how worthless your made to feel when unlucky enough to be without work?

Anyhoo I thought it would be a good idea to get the paperowrk from the Citizen's Advice up here and I have sent a lot to the Court regarding exactly what I have been up to for many years .. and that if anyone thinks I have been lax the last few years … they will be proved very, very .. wrong.

Hmm if they are a genuine court I wonder if they will do a reverse of what they did last time and make the DWP pay me the £40,000 I have been missing and the loss of £4,400 I got from being defrauded and beaten by bailiffs because of it? They made me pay back £750 when they ruled me as being wrong!


I have, of course, pointed this out to them, lol.









Wednesday, 27 July 2016

THE PRICE OF NO

So one single consultant was paid £375,000 just in overtime alone?

Well we know what that time was spent doing.

That is one single person. Overtime only. Jesus H. Christ!

Well I'm getting more and more stories about how terrible the treatment of patients is in hospitals, just lately two of those were from family members who never believed my claims a few years ago. They not only started to hear their own stories from others but now experienced it first hand!

Now I can tell them what one single person gets in overtime alone.

You can employ me for half that, I can change my first name to 'Doctor' and I don't have to be one to keep saying 'no' or your ultrasound was clear when it wasn't?!

I've been across five hospitals and five GP Surgeries and they have all lies and made excuses not to do things and that is not going to change anytime soon.

In fact the best details and evidence I've ever got looks like it just might be around the next corner? More clues in my next post.

Saw a report about Donald Trump saying something about Russians should hack Hilary Clinton or something? Media going nuts about it, but I don't know why. It wasn't like he gave the Russians the password, instructions or even location of said emails.

But for some bizarre reason the media are treating it like he did! Umm don't they know how IT works?

I might not be Donald Trumps biggest fan but this is the media going ridiculous over nothing yet again. Large TV news networks? Bloody pathetic. I think secretly they either hate Donald Trump very much, maybe because he don't sound like a left winger? Either that or they are terrified as hell of him becoming president? They need to grab a hold of something so weak and make something huge out of nothing at all is nothing more than pathetic, childish and shows a terrible amount of missing professionalism. I mean, really?!

Jesus H. Christ gets two mentions in no time at all tonight!

If someone is genuinely seen as bad news or trouble if they get in power why don't you go after genuine things and ignore making something out of nothing?

One thing I've learned is that those making noises about foul play either have been guilty of something just bad themselves or even far worse?

Take the DWP. Spoke to me like I was a lying, lazy sponger who she like i was taking money out of their pockets. When in fact I've told the truth and can prove it (whoops), they have told five lies that are going to drag yo their previous four lies (double whoops) and are reach paid ten times out of the taxpayers money than what I get (treble whoops) and best of all I've done more good for the country and its people than they ever will and this is increasing at a fair old place lately. Well what do you know? A quadruple whoops!

It's a quintet because it looks like I'm now going to get the very thing I've waited many years to get?!
It's a full quintet!

More in the next post.

NHS consultant paid £375,000 in overtime - http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-36898881

A DAY OF HOPE

Well I call it a day of help but I have this terrible nagging in the back of my mind that continues to be negative.

Today is the day when things could change back around in my favour and I hope it will do so because it could, should, mean the end of the anxiety. Except for that nagging in the back of my mind I have had the last couple of weeks.

It could turn out to be a blessing in the oddest of disguises.

If things go very well and they would have to go very well, it should give me a massive boost that should propel me. I am already thinking that if my feelings get a lot better from a good day then hopefully I will be back on my drive to get out with my two new cameras to get lots of content for my other blogs and my YouTube channel.

Except I see raindrops for the first time in weeks and the weather seem to say we were going to have a couple of rainy days. Still, I am thankful for the cooler temperatures as it was only compounding everything. But it might take a couple of days for the thoughts and feelings to get back to normal anyway and for the anxiety to go completely, I just do not know.

Of course this is all replying on the fact that I get the first actual help after asking for the umpteenth time and over a ten year period.

I have lived here for 9 years and for a couple of years before I lived here I had asked for help for similar things. I would wager heavily that I have made over 200 approaches for help in thirteen of fourteen years and there have been times even before that I have requested help.

Going on ratios when it comes to receiving help from anyone I have had zero percent and when I have helped myself it has been a poor success rate of probably less than fifty percent, though in the recent past this has improved somewhat.

There ave been five legal challenges against me and every one of them has failed so you would think that this time I should be full of confidence? But I wasn't, got struck by the dreaded anxiety and no one was more surprised than I was.

One way or another I need to actually do something about this condition of mine because it is clear it is not going to go away. Mind you that could all become academic after next month depending on the outcome of the hospital thing. I might not have long to live or might be epileptic and even if it turns out to be the latter it could stop my cycling. That would not be good to live with, let me tell you as I basically survive on cycling during the warmer months when I cannot travel by bus or train.

Ooh my first cup of tea in many days.

Just been looking up what other causes could be behind my seizure and blackouts and I had seen various types I had never heard of and a couple of no-epileptic seizures called PNES and NEAD where the 'NE' stands for Non-Epileptic.

I do no know about either of these but my money is on me NOT being epileptic because of when it is tat they occur. It is always from rising and until lately where I was just standing upright from leaning forward a few times have always been from crouching or a sitting position and standing up. It is not spontaneous or random. Almost always occurs from around midday until around 5pm for he most concentrated occurrences. Indeed this is why the GP thought it was Postural Hypotension but they were so strong and I was on the verge of collapsing so many times that I had my doubts about that. Though I never thought of looking up if Postural Hypotension can actually do that ..

Te worry for me is that the fatigue and lack of drive had been kicking in long before the trouble with the DWP started brewing. It was something I had planned to bring up with the GP, despite him having only just become a GP, when the anxiety struck.

I have my list of 7, or might be 8 now, reports printed out and stapled together where they need to be sitting beside me.

I will take all of the reports with me and see what they are interested in keeping a hold of. The reports are for a variety of people I will be seeing over the next four to six weeks. As stated before my memory has been bad a very long time and slowly getting worse. SO I cannot always think of things which as probably screwed up a lot of meetings and appointments if I am honest. It has been amazing how many people do not take this into account. Including friends.

Damn! I just remembered my old phone. I forgot to charge it last night, remembered this morning and then forgot about it again, really that is how it goes, and after being awake for over 3 hours remembered it about 20 minutes ago and then forgot again. I just turned to look at where it is meant to be charging and was not there. So the whole time I have been typing this out, every ten or twenty minutes or so, I had not remembered it once. I forgot to charge my new phone too but that takes only about 20 minutes to charge fully, often less as it is still always 50% to 90% charged from the day before. Without using, my old Moto G runs out almost completely, or does in the middle of the night, and seems to take 2 to 3 hours of charging to get to full. Still I only need enough battery power for the phone to stay in standby for around 5 hours. Or in other words, until I get home.

Really it is mainly because of one phone-call that never seems to come though others might not have my new number as I may ave forgotten to give everyone it. Oh like my landlord! I must do that!

Having serious issues with my 'H' key among others. Keeps missing keystrokes and I seem to get letters in spellings the wrong way around. Been happening for some months and is somewhat … worrying what with the other symptoms pointing towards a possible brain tumour, lol. But that is something that will be looked at in two weeks time. Well .. a little less than two weeks and I have a report for that! Lol.

Will NEVER buy another keyboard from PC World.

Sometimes when you have too much time to kill before an important meeting or appointment in can be a pain in the arse. Been debating whether to go to it by bike or bus but I do not want the bike getting stolen, it is a somewhat higher crime area than that where in live by several levels, lol. I thought about visiting some friends beforehand but would be too much. I have been on the bike for three days solid so hopefully the being on foot should not be too bad. Fingers crossed.

I think that may what has been diminishing my drive, at least partly? Lately even the shorter distances I do ave seemed like a ten mile hike for each and every one of them. I think about shopping and then think about the journey to my nearest Sainsburys and I think 'Ugh!' It is why I got my old bike out as I am simply not doing things and going places, not that I have a lot to do and I stopped window shopping 6 months ago when a line of communication became cut off. As I have said many times, weather been crap and I ave been .. apprehensive of even doing my work at closer distances since that full on seizure. The thought of damaging the new cameras does not help either! I am hoping for a pill that will result from the hospital appointment that I can take around midday which will stop any blackouts or seizures from occurring? I hope and pray.

Of all the lists of things one would have to hope for and worry about mine are .. starving to death, being made homeless, becoming unable to walk and dying from a brain tumour in that order. Though if the first three start to look likely or even become fact the last would be a blessing.

Hmm August and September this year, 2016, already look to be the most two bizarre consecutive months of my entire life?!


If you had not worked it out, or more likely had it long before you read this, I have a meeting with Citizen's Advice today. Whether this will lead to any more meetings I do not know but I also ave a Neurology appointment in a couple of weeks. Then another meeting of Minds in early September and whether anything else, oh crap local council .. must do that tomorrow, will occur I do not know.

Tuesday, 26 July 2016

TOO MUCH TO FEAR

Oh .. my .. God What the hell is going on?!

OK that was too weird .. and too scary. I was first going to title this 'Too Much To Scary' but thought it sounded wimpish, lol, even though it is not me … per se.

Right then I got out on the bike after an extreme effort. But stopped by the main road to collect my thoughts. Visited my local shop for a can of Monster and a Twirl. Walked along with my bike and noticed my arms were doing that tingling thing.

Fuck! Just had almost total seizure annd just remember milk was not in fridge and was about to seize as the fridge door was closing and I bent forward and down and just about caught it Not before everything went black and that warm tingling electrical like fuzzy feeling I get when I have these blackouts.

Jesus this is turning out to be a hell of a day!

I GOT MILK! Hmm did I already type that? Memory gone blank .. oh yes I did, lol.

Well it is Tuesday and first time I had milk in the house since last …. umm Tuesday … at the earliest. I certainly had none on Thursday … oh wait and I told a friend I had, had no milk for three days … so last Monday. Eight days. Groan

So I did get a little bit of food … forgot to get couple those cheap bag of doughnuts … what? There is no way I can cook right now and they are damned cheap. I forgot them anyway and was one of three things I wanted. The other being Sarsaparilla, a dilutable drink if you never heard of it.

Anyway forget that, I digress.

I was walking along with my bike and my can of drink when I was feeling this tingling in my arms and then I was getting these hot flushing feelings except it was not hot and felt cold. I had already had some anxiety before I left the house. But I had gotten a couple hundred yards when this occurred and I though 'o shit, what's this?' Then I stopped and grabbed a metal fence along the main road by a Pelican crossing. Then I felt my left thigh go weak.

But I am out with my damn bike!

Panic mode!

How the f***uuu***ck does this anxiety bloody work and how does it just affect the leg thing, I was not even thinking about anything. Trying to focus about being out, the breeze and the noise … which turned into a low din just before the tingling started or around the same time, I cannot recall exactly.

Sometimes it comes on when you think about something … even something mundane you need to do it can just go boom. It goes off like Krakatoa if I think of the mainstream stress causing problem and sometimes it just goes off on its own.

I remembered when I felt like this years ago and you reach out for help and the so called experts tell you to 'not think about it' err you effing have to jerk off, 'do something constructive' that is stupid almost impossible and now with the thigh muscles shutting down … or read this book on CBT it is the cure of all evils and when nothing works they get frustrated and even sarcastic as they then feel useless But I thought about all the people that must have gone before me and been frustrated by all this. You want a pill and all you get is what they believe to be and act like are magic words. Then your told to come back in 28 days?!

'What the f***uu**ck? I cannot take 2 more days and your telling me to fuck off for 28?!' is what went through my mind in the past and I dare say has been through many others?

I can imagine people reading this thinking 'I feel you man, I feeel you!' I feel you to.

It is probably about to all happen again over the next eight weeks and this time things are going to go a little differently. Because I know what does and does not work, I know where it is coming from, what causes it and have names for them all. This time they cannot fob me off because I have no diagnosis .. I know!

No magic words just pills or the source of the stress needs to be dealt with and despite all that people think I can do and all that I know I have limits and now I know that the anxiety just comes and shuts everything down.

There is nothing you can do to prevent it when it comes out of the blue like that and no simple off switch.

Amazes me that Doctors never stop and consider for one second that patients could have tried a whole load of things before going to see them? Maybe even buying various pills and things from their local chemist? Nope, they act like you just got it that morning you made the appointment for the first time.

Oh dear … I have gone off at a tandem there.

I reached a bin with my bike to throw the chocolate wrapper away and finish my drink and throw that way too. Yeah like never stealing, cheating or doing people over I do not even throw litter on the floor. Dead against it and hate seeing it.

I splayed my legs out a bit and leant against my bike for support as it was obvious I was losing the use of my thighs for the third time now. I held onto the metal guard fence and got on my bike, wondering whether or not I would end up on my arse. I really do not need another accident with everything else that is going on. But been in some bad ones, that bought all this on in the first place, and falling off a bike not that big a deal. I was laughing the last time I did it. A lady in a car next to me wound down her passenger said window and said “Oh God, are you alright?!” to which I said yes as I was laughing. It was the first time I had used clipless (odd name as you clip in) pedals and I undid the wrong foot and when I stopped went the other way, lol.

When I pulled away on the bike I took it slow as I did not know how the things were going to be with cycling. Not great but they did it and I cycled very, very slowly down to Sainsburys. I was lucky as it felt like the left thigh was more affected than the right. So when I did get to Sainsburys after nearly turning around and going home a couple of time, I used my walking stick on my right side. Yup if I use a bike to go shopping anywhere the stick folds up and goes in my backpack.

Lucky I did not forget it! Otherwise I would have had to return home with no shopping for the eighth day in a row!

Jesus how are you supposed to focus and think about anything when you have so many things that can go on all at the same time?! If feels like your heads going to explode and with the anxiety implode at the same time?!

I am listening to another radio show that has been sent to me about … umm let me look, ah I thought it was Bigfoot and it is, it is called the Sasquatch Chronicles. Thought it might have been the Paracas Skulls again, or rather a different one. Still trying to get to listen to the first one he gave me all the way through. Started it tree times and ended up falling asleep so I downloaded the thing.

It is weird as I like listening to these and it seems to take my mind off the threats of impending doom. Over half my living allowance taken away and a court case to get it back, the possibility of being mmade homeless again and a neurology appointment because I am having seizures, or at least I have had one lasting ten minutes and have come close to others probably a couple of dozen times and other mild blackouts. Well, medium blackouts.

Maybe it is because I like mysterious things like this, aliens and things like that or I just have something interesting to talk to when I visit the shop. My interaction has been a bit lax of late and I have not been out on my photography and filming runs on my mountain bike, sadly.

To say it has not been good of late is something way beyond an understatement and I mean if the three things I mentioned of impending doom are not enough that even if it turns out I do not have a tumour there is still the things vexing me, the full on seizures and then added to this is the fact that I ave lost the use of my legs three times now.. Something that upon research is caused by very strong anxiety I have experienced of late which itself is caused by my Fibromyalgia. This can become permanent too and is known as a silly name called 'rubber legs'.

So a whole damned list of symptoms some that might be something killing me and another that might make me unable to walk the rests of my life and that is I do not become homeless. LMAO.

It is often said about me that you simply cannot make the stuff up I end up going through …. nothing for ages and then all hell breaks loose.

Funny too that I listen to these sows about Bigfoot and I think about whether it is real or not and while tehre are certainly a lot of people faking this and probably making money from it, there are compelling stories too.

I also find it funny that if it was all bullshit, along with other subject areas they claim about, then it is hilarious that people have made money out of bullshit and lies and I have done nothing but tell the truth and as yet not made a penny, lmao.

I have had it said from time to time you do not get anywhere by being honest and that is my problem and my friend Ken, who I helped while he slowly died of kidney cancer. Always said I was born a 100 to a 1,000 years too soon. The world is not right for me. Lol.

Nice to know that someone I met thought the future was a bright one, as not many do.

That show I said I was listening to right now? Well I just had a guy being interviewed whose searching for things like Bigfoot and Yeti, has not found anything and makes a great deal of sense and sounds like me when talking about others that bullshit and fake. He also mirrors what I have said about people that insist they are right and cannot admit being wrong.

Oddly although the show and interviewer is American the guy being interviewed is British, lol. Ah I just checked and his name, the Brit, is Adam Davies and is listed as one of the world's foremost Cryptozoologists. Someone that looks for new species at the slightly weird end of the subject, or at least I only hear of Cryptozoology when it is normally Bigfoot, Yeti, Dogman which sounds a bit too bizarre as these sound more like Werewolves.

He mentions about the attitudes of others around 45 minutes to 50 minutes in...


You just know listening to it he is talking about an attitude that is extremely common on YouTube in the comments where people start to argue about who is right. He states that this attitude is stupid because on either side you cannot prove that you are right and tat continuing to argue or even shout about it is not going to make a blind bit of difference to what the truth is.

Hmm, I like that guy.

This attitude is not confined to Bigfoot, oh no. I see it in video gaming and I see it in computer hardware in the comments section and is one very major reason why I rarely comment. Let us just say you would be hard pressed to find my comments. All one or two of them … ooh I do not remember how many I made even if it is in single figures. Unless half-wits that tink themselves superior say something on my YouTube comments … then I tend to put them in their place … or YAWN and then put them in their place.

Like this guy says … if your not quick witted and need time to mull things over do not react in a knee-jerk fashion as your opening yourselves up to attack. But give people a video games machine or they build a PC and get access to the Internet and suddenly there are experts on everything and everyone else is a dumb-arse. Lol.

Let us gibe an example …. the Dogman things souds as stupid as hell and sounds like an obvious set of hoaxes. I cannot say that they all are hoaxes or that Dogman does not exist … because I do not know and nor can I prove it.


Oh God, and do not even get me started on the religious fruitcakes. Or I should say the religious ones that also happen to be fruitcakes, or fruit loops, lol.

THE ILL & THE DREAD

Oh I do not like the feelings I have this morning.

It is not nice at all and very, very weird. I feel a bit ill and I feel a bit of anxiety and it is the strongest feeling of anxiety since I started taking those Propranalol beta-blocker pills.

That is not encouraging.

At the same time I am having real difficulties doing my usual things just as I feared I would when I was basically hoodwinked and conned into looking after someone's pets. Before they went away I was visited two days before departure and was asked to put the kettle on and I answered “Sorry, I have forgotten to get milk for three days”. Well they left on Saturday and that was two more days and it is now Tuesday and that is another three more days and guess what? I do not have any milk still.

That is how it can be.

On every other day I am not at the house I keep panicking I have forgotten something at the house.

The first day I had to get out my second bike and I forgot it was likely it had a puncture. Why did I use my second beaten up bike and not my shiny newer bike? Because I knew I would not be able to do the jobs I was hoodwinked into doing without it. He went away a few months ago for a week and I did exactly the same thing then, went there every other day and it nearly killed me. Despite the fact he lives fairly close to me. About half a mile I would say. Ten minute or so walk … hard to judge because I do not walk reasonable well and always limp. Walking, or rather limping, on consecutive days is normally bad news for me. I have been lazy as I have not used my bike much this year partly because despite being at either ends of the house they are both a pain in the arse to get out due to my house. Partly because the weather has been utterly terrible.

So I got the bike out on the first day they were away and I changed the inner-tube. I cycled to a different friend and chatted for a few hours before going around the house to feed and water the other pets. He has a son that is a bit .. of a problem and not really with the rest of us when it comes to common sense. What he used to do was drive me nuts to get into the house when I did this several years back. One of the reasons I fell out with him for several years was him expecting me to do all this crap for him, the friend that is. I remember that before my friend had even reached Crete I was getting phone-calls about getting in the house.

This son is a problem, he flies up and down the stairs and in and out the house letting doors slam or not closing them properly. It is like he literally has a one track mind. It was really weird to witness. My friend was always going on about him and at first I thought he was being over dramatic, but no. He would often leave the house and leave the door wide open, and I mean leave the house … go off to a mate's house for hours. He used to smoke Cannabis a lot and my friend thought it was all down to that and Cannabis destroys your brain, as some would love to like us believe to suit there needs. I pointed out that it was not this and that his son probably needed to talk to someone and be investigated. Putting it as politely as I could.

This kid also thinks he is going to be a big rap star. He is well into his twenties.

He also now actually has a girlfriend and even a child with her and they live elsewhere but for some reason there are a couple of important things of his left in his old bedroom.

So on the Saturday morning before my friend has reached Crete and I am changing the inner-tube on my bike the phone rings. I miss it and then I get a text from an unknown number and it simply says 'Are you going to my Dad's house today?' Yeah like that is supposed to explain who it is but luckily I know this kid all too well and realised it was him.

I told him not until 4pm.

A little while later I get another phone-call fro the boyfriend of my friend's daughter who are going there on the days I am not. O yeah, I forgot about that. When I was saying 'no' to looking after his animals he told me he had made it easier for me as he has his daughter and her boyfriend going there one day so that I only have to go there every other day. I was a bit annoyed with this and said “How is that supposed to help me? I am still coming here every other day which was what I was doing when you went away last time that I could not handle it!” Of course just like of old when he wanted things his way I never got an answer. S the boyfriend called me and said “Have you heard from [the son] about getting in the house?” I ten told him that I had before he went on to say that he had asked his sister for the keys and when she told him no he got frustrated with her and upset her.

The girl has her own problems and upsetting her is not a good idea.

So two of us have been put into a situation that is not good for the heath of either of us, lol.

I told this guy that we were going to get a lot of this.

I got to the house at 4.15pm after speaking to a mutual friend about it. I had been asked why I had agreed to this by several people and how wrong it was to put me in this position. How was I expected to refuse him entry or get him out when I let him in?

Oh. I am guessing that you have worked out that for years the son was not allowed a key to the house while my friend was on holiday? For the obvious reasons.

So the boy knows, is told each time his Dad goes away why he is not allowed a key, told he is not getting in the house and told to not drive people nuts about getting in the house. But always does drive people nuts.

I told this chap on the phone that I remember him on the phone to me the very same day that our friend went away on holiday four years ago the very last time I did this.

We are still on Saturday here, lol. The first day, lol.

Anyway when I finally got to the house around 4.15pm there was no son waiting outside. Well, I thought, it could not have been that important. Around 4.45pm the house phone rang three times which was unusual. I thought 'I bet it is him?' Then my mobile started ringing, yup it was him. It is now 5pm I told him I would be there at 4pm, he is half a dozen miles away with no car and now wants to come to the house. The house he does not live in any longer. I said … 'fine, I will be here' and ended up watching a documentary on volcanos. Some forty minutes later he then phones me, says he has stuff happening there and cannot come. Perhaps a girlfriend who is asking him why he is about to pay for a taxi to get home to do some rapping to two sings then come home again?

You think I am joking? I did say he has always thought he was going to be a big rap star, lol.

He once had an argument over not finding a job because he as going to be a big rap star and would not have believed this myself had I not been there to actually ear it myself!

Eventually I leave the house on my beaten up bike I got out and changed the inner-tube on so that I could lock it up at Sainsburys on the way home without worrying about it being nicked. Only … as I was cycling away from the house I thought … 'why does the front of my bike feel spongey?' and looked down to see I had a tyre with very little air in it and I had the wrong air pump to the wrong bike.

Straight home and no Sainsburys and no milk and other bits I needed.

Now it is Tuesday and I still have not go milk and last night I came home too buggered and I also realised I had hardly eaten anything. If you can count two cans of Monster,, oooh yeah I am feeling thirsty all the time, and four Twirls. Oh and a packet of McCoy's Salt & Vinegar Crisps. That was is all day. No food in the house and has not been for a week.

That was yesterday … Monday and only my second visit to the house to look after the pets.

How long is he away for? Only 5.5 Weeks. Yes that is five point five weeks!

So today I ave this feeling of illness mixed with anxiety, as I started of saying.

Only my life could be like this.

But then I never thought I would be here this year.

And yes that appointment in a couple of weeks because of the blackouts, seizure I had, hearing dropping off by around 30% (ears popping) and a couple of others that point towards a brain tumour? I said to someone it would be just soo typical of me that I will have all this shit to deal with after just being told something potentially traumatic.

Lol.

He does not return until three weeks after my appointment, though I am not likely to be told at the time I do not think. Unless they feel on the day after inspecting me and talking to me that I need a scan tat very same day?

I have not even told my mother yet who has just found out a friend of hers of many years as terminal cancer. A mother to some childhood friends of mine.

But hey, according to the DWP everyone is sitting around with nothing going on and can be fucked about unfairly and having their money cancelled unfairly.

Oh and I have meetings with Citizen's Advice an appointment for a colonoscopy I am still waiting for and of course a visit to the local council and a bloody form to fill in .. and documents to hand over and anything else that crops up over the next five weeks.

Plus my normal fatigue getting far worse and let us pray I do not lose the use of my legs again!

It is annoying at times because you feel as if either people do not believe your Fibromyalgia, do not realise what having Fibromyalgia is like or simply just do not care and are selfish? I just do not know.


The ill and the dread is all I seem destined to have.