I find myself now stranded in not one but two parallel limbos.
Not had the urge or thoughts to write about any particular subjects of late because …. well I simply have not thought or heard of any and have been somewhat … pre-occupied.
There have been a couple of ongoing things and I cannot recall if I posted about it or not but I had a all from the nice lady I met at the IAPT in Enfield. This was over the fact that the anxiety attacks I never thought for a moment I would ever have again, came back and my memory is getting difficult. Cannot work out if things are getting worse or I am just getting tired from it all?
Damn this keyboard … it is fecked, remind me not to ever spend any money on keyboards, especially £150 ones, from PC World ever again!
Anyway that lady from the IAPT told me that there waiting list was way shorter than Mind's as is there counselling and Mind had access to far more things than they have.
I was also told that I should not be having the issues I have had with the DWP and that there is someone that Mind will probably refer me to and told me their name. I had heard of it before so am pretty certain I had contacted them in the past.
Anyway they sent me a letter through with the address of this organisation and will not declare who it is for the time being as … well, prying eyes and all that.
I also realised only yesterday that the DWP have also managed to go 6 weeks without giving me any money at all. Something that one of my friends said was not right. He seems to think that this missing money will turn up with my Universal Credit money? Speaking of credit … he still grants way too many people with far too much of it.
I told my sister a story about him on the phone yesterday. We were speaking about how the only member of my family that was on the social housing list was recently taken off it. Some people thought it was because they turned down one that was offered previously. But my sister probably guessed it correctly when she thought it was because he was earning too much money?
This reminded me of how the public services were being run and I told her that a friend of mine who is into taxidermy, not me, not me lol, bought a crocodile skull in Thailand via legal means He had been trying to get this sent over for a year and has the necessary paperwork.
Recently this arrived at HMRC and he received a letter form them asking for the certification on the item they had. He sent it via email but heard no reply. He sent it via email once again and once again heard no reply. He then sent it by post and once again heard no reply. He then told me he spent several whole afternoons phoning them only to have the phone just ring for ages, even a couple of hours at one stage.
He told me that in the end he got so fed up that he started phoning the same number but changing the very last number hoping he would get through to a different department to actually speak to someone. The first number he tried did not exist. The second number he tried did not exist either but it was literally a case of third time lucky for him and did indeed get through to another department within HMRC.
He then explained to the lady that answered that he had been trying to get a hold of the department in question for weeks What did she say?
“Oh,, sorry about that but we literally have no staff”
I then told my sister what I told my friend … I reminded them that I had recently been in both Chase Farm Hospital as well as Enfield Council's building a few times and that they had no staff and admitted they were running along with next to no one.
So I told them that they all must be like that.
I find it hilarious and I told both of them that I bet the arseholes that do fuck all but get several hundred thousand pounds in salary each year are still in their offices in the upper floors and that staff were you need them are missing?
I wonder how many staff I told were idiots for defending and protecting these arseholes and that they would find themselves screwed over for the same 'legislation' crap are now on Universal Credit?
If your reading this I am sorry to say that … 'O told ya so!'
I have been posting it for four years and preaching it for way over three times that long and probably a lot longer?
I had my second … umm Job Coach meeting which was surprisingly brief. I actually wanted to ask him at least three things and only got to ask one. When I got home I was like “CRAP!!” Lol. Dammit, cannot even remember what the question were!
My anxiety has been back a few times but not as strong as it what previously … give it time though and I am sure it will be back to cause hell?
I guarantee this will be to do with the DWP in some form too? I am sure I am just a week or two away from this Universal Credit and sanctions thing to become a big problem. For instance next week I have found myself to be really busy and have … appointments both Tuesday and Wednesday before I see the Job Coach again on Thursday.
I keep thinking that I am sure there will be trouble before I even get my first payment. Would be bloody typical that they expect people, even fully fit ones, to do leaps, bounds and jump through many hoops while they take six bloody weeks to process your claim and pay you anything. Sanctions before you have even got your first payment? Anyone? Lol.
It is a billion miles away from where I thought I would be at this point this year. Something I still shake my head at in disbelief whenever I think about it.
Despite the fact that things can go wrong and plans to not pan out as you expect them too I still could not have come close to imagining how bad things would be at this point and recently had I even bothered to try.
The pain of boredom and the pain of anxiety while I have to hold several hands of cards very close to my chest. I have to play them close to my chest so I get the best outcome and … acquire the best … information I can get. I could have easily played my cards at any time and would have had the best effect on the situation but I set out to do something very different. To not get the best for me but the best for everybody and I might as well see it through. Would have been very little point in starting all this in the first place if I was just going to … well … umm .. fold,, lol, at some point in time when the going got tough.
I think I have explained fully and in enough detail that the going has most certainly got … tough yet again and arguably worse than ever?
I have one good hand I am holding close to my chest and I am trying to add one good card to that hand that if I succeed is going to have a dramatic and negative effect on everyone I have recently been at war with. Including …. that … judge.
I also have one weak hand too.
In between all this I have this dreaded … boredom. Now that the autumn is finally starting I find myself more bored than ever before. Then there is the flitting back and forth from one to the other while keeping certain things hidden from either a few … factions or everyone I know. That includes everyone that visits my blogs.
Only for another month or two … maybe three.
Playing one hand a certain way means that there will be a massive upheaval like that I went through a little over two years ago. Not really sure I want to go through that again and still have not quite finished what I started at any rate.
There may come a time when it wont be much of an upheaval but until becomes an obvious up and coming reality I have to play things the way I currently am.
If I didn't I would lay myself open to … ridicule once again along with lectures from certain corners and I am not putting myself through that again.
Sound like a couple of limbos? Yeah that is because that is exactly what it is, lol.
At least I now for sure now that I am closer to the end than I am to the beginning! Much closer. At the moment I am aware that this could be merely a few weeks or it could be an entire year? As always it is impossible to say with any certainty and believe me I wish I could.
Yup … loneliness, uncertainty, boredom, fear and anxiety seem to be my constant bedfellows of late and I wonder when they will all move off to pastures new?
Joy, excitement, aim and action all seem to be missing and no spots noticeable on the horizon.
I see in the news that Brexit rumbles ever onwards...
That piece in the Daily Mail and reported by The Huffington Post states that there was a Question Time and that the political editor of the Daily Mail who appeared on the show, stated that she was more or less fed up with the terms now being used of 'Soft Brexit'' and 'Hard Brexit'.
That is the first time I had heard of these new … terms to describe exiting the EU.
Bizarrely Isabel Oakeshott, the Daily Mail's political editor, stated that what the public voted for was control of Britain's borders. For once the Daily Mail were right as everyone I know voted to exit for that reason as did many people I see commenting online. It seemed to me that a figure in excess of 99% that voted out did so for this very reason.
But the shadow Foreign Secretary, Emily Thornberry, put her head in her hands as if this was some outrageous wish that no one wanted. Apparently Emily Thornberry rather stupidly then muttered “Oh no. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear'.
Except that it states in the report that Isobel Oakeshott received a rapturous applause from the audience!
Jeremy Corbyn's one single solitary problem that leaves him not having a chance of being voted into power is his naïve attitude on immigration that goes hand in hand with what the majority of the British public not only want but bloody well voted for!
Do you get it now, Jeremy?
Insisting on the path you have chosen and acting like most of the British public are wrong and you are right is not going to do you any favours at al. Quite the opposite in fact!
What you have, Mr Corbyn, is a situation in Britain where things are not truly fair and are a very, very long way away from that reality. It is a situation that has been ignored and left to go on for fifteen years plus that now leaves you with absolutely no choice.
Because your not giving the proper message across and along with that you are not agreeing with what appears to be the only solution at the present time.
In other words, Mr Corbyn, there are indeed two solutions and you are not speaking about either one of them. One is guaranteed to work and the other is not but stands a fifty, fifty chance of working.
Without either of these two solutions … you have nothing. Because the ones that voted to leave will only settle for one of these two solutions.
You may also fail to realise that many that voted to remain in Europe also would like one of these two solutions to take place.
In fact a large portion of the ones who voted to remain in Europe are the very faction British people have had enough with.
The real numbers in all this look a lot worse than the actual numbers we got suggested … if you just think about it for a moment.
The ones that voted to leave have all stated that they have a serious problem with immigration and I am willing to bet that a bloody good portion of those voting to stay would also admit that they have issues with immigration too?! But they only voted to stay because of the fear of uncertainty.
I have to admit that even to this day the numbers were not only a real shock to me but still are.
Oddly enough all the public organisations that gave into all this and encouraged these issues are now all on the brink of collapse and all run on a skeleton crew.
So that along with the banks doing what they did really and truly screwed up this nation of ours and have been doing it for so long I am not even sure there is a way out.
What is certain is that something needs to change.
What is certain is that which the public voted for needs to be granted.
Isobel Oakeshott was quite right about this talk of a 'Soft Brexit' and Emily Thornberry fails to see that if you do not provide what most of the nation wants there will be consequences.
It would be like Labour winning the next election and the Conservatives announcing “No! We do not like that so we are staying put!”
Imagine the trouble that would be caused by that?
Putting your head in your hands over something three quarters of the British nation really wants is like telling everyone they are idiots, that they do not know what they want and that you know better.
Your being patronising to a whole nation, more or less.