So then?
I am feeling quite …
odd.
It is like one of my
limbos … except this one actually feels more like a limbo than any
of the others and I feel somewhat … lost.
I have had everyone bar
one that normally does contact me over this and a mate is messaging
me right now and I told him I have no clue what is going to happen
now.
I just feel dazed.
I am also confused.
I simply do not know
what to do now. I have some options open to me … but not much in
the way of options and I think I will have to speak to a couple of
people I have recently been speaking to, to ask them.
One of them will
probably prevent me ever going to court again but in all honesty and
as I said to a friend .. there is never a chance that I would use HM
Court & Tribunal Service ever again, not after that. I have been
told by a few to appeal and I told them that, that was the appeal one
friend said it cannot be it is too soon. I assured her that it was
and I said “Y'know I thought the date was very quick and thought it
would likely be somewhere between November and January”
After all the Citizen's
Advice stated it was far too soon for them to send a representative
with me, after initially telling me that they would send one. This is
why I complained to Citizen's Advice about their handling of this.
The failure of sending
someone as they said that they would was bad enough but they left my
dangling on something that set off my anxiety attacks once again
which led to my legs not working for an hour, told me they would
likely give in or I would win the tribunal which were both wrong.
Also the more I think
about the tribunal the more I realise she failed to ask about or
mention in passing, proving she simply was not interested.
I absolutely guarantee
she is if the brigade that believes the government is right to screw
over disabled people to save money. I have absolutely no doubts that
if asked privately she would agree with what the Tories, George
Osborne and Iain Duncan-Smith was doing. No doubts. You know when
sometimes you meet someone and you just get these bloody big signals
from them?
This was all about the
money too … not the health conditions and I am pretty sure I did
not even utter the word 'Fibromyalgia' and I am pretty sure she
didn't either.
Not only was I trying
to explain my various symptoms to someone that simply did not
understand them or the condition she clearly was not interested.
I simply took the whole
hearing as an attempt to call me out as a liar on everything.
So according to her,
that … judges logic, I insisted on experiencing a group of symptoms
for 13 years, though other symptoms were connected and went back far
longer, … yes waited 13 whole years before I then decided to turn
around and say it was Fibromyalgia.
I waited 13 years
before declaring what it was.
Oh and do not forget I
managed to fool and manipulate an entire GP Surgery, get sent to
Guy's Hospital and then fool a Fibromyalgia specialist called Dr
Kirkham who was based in their Rheumatology Department.
Yeeeah … if I could
do all that I would have been a millionaire well over a decade ago …
the fucking morons!
I mean … really?!
That is the best you can come up with … really?! Jesus H Christ
this country really haas and is still going to the pits.
I have just had my
landlords, plural, here and they were both astounded as I told them
what happened at the court. The … lady of the two told me that I
should appeal and that this was terrible treatment. They said I
should try and fight it. But what with?
I feel very much burnt
out right now.
My tank is empty.
Though I did achieve
something I had wanted to for a very long time.
Just that I lost my
first case and the situation is … well diabolical to put it mildly.
My word … it is going
to take me days to figure out what I have to do or will end up doing
and that is if I can think of anything at all.
Not waking up tomorrow
would be kind of … nice and .. final.
Except I would have to
make some arrangements as I have a … very big collection of stuff I
would need to … well think of it as passing on the baton. Not
really into athletics but I do not what a baton is. Probably spelled
it wrong though? Lol.
I swear to God if I was
a religious man I would have sworn to God that I had just had a
meeting with the spawn of the devil himself.
The funny thing is that
many of the support group for Fibromyalgia I was at looked a damn
site fitter than me and none carried a walking stick around with
them, though this might have changed over the last year. They are
under the impression that Fibromyalgia is a bona fide disability and
I hope to God if they ever get their money stopped and attend a court
hearing that they do not get the … person that I got.
I could have raised my
left sleeve and showed her the many scars and slashes on my upper
left arm but I literally looked at her and though “you simply would
not give a flying fuck!” and so I did not.
Any time I did try and
explain something there was this turn of the head that showed
disinterest and whether she had decided I was a liar, for whatever
reason or agenda, before I entered the room or not she was certainly
giving me every signal that she thought I was.
It was plainly obvious
to both see and hear that she was not going to listen nor accept
everything and spoke to me in a way that has not been done since I
was in nursery school or primary school.
If I was to say it was
both patronising and condescending it would be a gross
understatement. How she could be a judge of anything at all is beyond
me. Maybe she spent all her life handling purely financial cases or
something? Or just spawned in hell like I stated earlier?
If I am ever forced,
and I would have to be forced, to ever attend a HM Court &
Tribunal Service … umm tribunal again I am taking crucifies and
holy water.
I feel so burnt out and
spent right now. I could really become an alcoholic, really I could.
At least it would numb the pain better than any of the wrong crap the
NHS gives me!
No comments:
Post a Comment