THE DAY OF DREAD

Well it is 8.04am and I have been researching on the Internet since around 6.30am.

After my initial anxiety dying down around 5pm yesterday and my legs seemingly feeling normal again I have awoken to another anxiety attack.

I have a GP appointment today and I had hoped after my legs stopped working yesterday that this morning would be like yesterday morning when I had very little anxiety that I could handle . It is just about typical that things would be so random. So I am somewhat worried that I will get to the GP but he did ring me yesterday and when I told him I was worried about getting there he told me not to worry about it and he would call me if I was not at the surgery when my appointment came around.

I would rather get there though as the very idea of a pill that could switch this off or at least make it manageable is just too much of a draw to ignore. Though he could prescribe them over the phone, I guess, and leave a prescription there for me to pick up.

I do have the ECG and other test result to hand to him though and still have to get there.

One of the worst things for my anxiety and probably highly likely for everyone's anxiety is the sitting around waiting. Distractions are a wonderful thing if you can do them and focus on them, though this is not always possible.

I am also still several hours away from my appointment time and once upon a time and for around 5 to 7 years this time of the morning was completely unknown to me. Another thing I have I always put down to the Fibromyalgia, as it is a lack of restorative sleep problem, is my sleep patterns. I would without a single exception not get asleep until 3am to 5 or even 6am and then wake up around 11am. For months on end without fail. Then one day around 18 months back it flipped about and I started waking up at 7am to 8am. Since the anxiety started this has gotten earlier and normally sometime after 4am until around 6.30am without fail.

At first this was handy as I could get out on my bike much earlier and be out while things were quieter for several hours and get a lot of photography and filming done. Better as well to come across animals and wildlife I wanted to film too. Except … we have had one pretty crap summer, 2015, and the first half of this summer has been either very cloudy or raining.

As I told a friend yesterday I was walking along the day before and a young woman in her late twenties was walking along chatting on the phone and I heard her tell someone “It's crazy, its either very cloudy, raining and then the sun comes out for a bit and then goes back to raining!” lol.

Tell me about it!

I never got an answer from Mind and now I have something else to tell them when they do reply and I am hoping that something can be arranged with them as regards a visit. I am eager to speak to anyone who may have experience with others of these problems.

Speaking if which I was reading a forum on UK Fibromyalgia, was not aware of them before, and I remember seeing people saying how happy they were at finding others with the same thing, the failing legs as I have just experienced. I have seen people say things like this before and always think it is odd. Imagine me saying …

“Oh I have this thing that is so dreadful and a living hell and I am so glad that other people are afflicted with this nightmare like condition too!”

Lol. Such an odd thing to say. I have always said I am sorry to find others with the conditions I have but that I do find it somewhat reassuring. But only in the event it has not been diagnosed and re-assuring that it might be or that I have just found out what it is and can tell a GP. Lol.

Wondering whether to go to my friend's store for a mug of tea or two before the appointment, as it is half way there, or just wait it out and go straight there? I think the anxiety may make my mind up for me unless it suddenly drops off the way that it does? I have found, however, that it never really drops off when I am just sitting around. Living alone does not help.

Even the paramedic chatted about me living alone and having no one. I told her that it has been a bane lately because your left to your own thoughts and depending on how you feel that is not always a good thing. Come to think of it it is rarely a good thing! If I had a partner there would be no fighting over the TV remote … because I do not watch TV, lol! There is never anything on TV any more and has not been for ages. I cannot abide trash TV, reality shows and talent shows. I simply cannot and do not like soap operas either.

I like science and animal documentaries but these are so few and far between it is not worth it and with my memory loss I never used to remember when they were on anyway and always miss them. Would need a TV with one of those EPGs with a reminder option. But then who looks weeks ahead on an EPG for the rare one off documentaries anyway?

I used to like Castle but I hear that is now ended. Used to like Person Of Interest too but could never remember when it is on, seen only four episodes or so and not in sequence. CSI I liked but these have all stopped. NCIS is still going but changed somewhat. Did like Doctor Who but that is filmed less than it used to be and by all accounts changed somewhat too.

I wonder what drug will be prescribed to me? I wonder if it will turn out to be Propanalol, if I remember the name correctly? I have had this before, some years back and do not remember it doing much last time but my sister swears by it. He did say 'beta-blocker' which is odd as one ex GP stated it was a beta-blocker that would stop over-sweating. Two birds with one stone? I should be so lucky!

What is the betting I get a phone-call just about when I am due to go in to see the GP? I have very little to do and struggle to fins things, hence my blogs, but I always get calls at the most awkward times.

I am also finding it bloody strange that with the amount of research I have done and owning the best book in the world on Fibromyalgia, Figuring Out Fibromyalgia by Ginevra Liptan, that I had not come across the weak legs syndrome before. Worrying the first web-page I found, I edited in late on a previous post, mentions its frequency can vary all the way up to persistent! NOT GOOD! I guess I might have just skipped over it and forgot it because it never occurred with me?

I am tending to lean towards it being linked to Fibromyalgia, by causing anxiety so strong your legs shut down, a bad thing. For this means I am likely to get it again and it could end up permanent? If it was a side effect to a drug you can just stop taking the drug or switch to another one. All the drugs I get I have been on for ages anyway so I think it would have shown up within weeks or even days of taking anything new?

Oh and I have done a little research on the test results I have here and wondering what the GP will say about them as they seem to list a couple of things of which one might be down to my high blood pressure, sinus tachycardia, possible left anterior fascicular block, left ventricular hypertrophy and later ST-T abnormality... for those budding medical trainees that like these things ..