Not so long ago I was surrounded by many people echoing thoughts and lines that appeared to come straight from this blog. Just how eerily close to my own..struggles of many a year gone by.
I have pondered as to how interesting it will become over time and the patterns that will reveal themselves form the many people who collect already and in the coming months the many more who may appear?
My condition of Fibromyalgia is a nasty one and even has its own levels of 'nasty' too. Someone uttered that it was thought that the toxins that exist in all plants, to prevent them being eaten, might be what causes our flare ups to take place? Interesting.
We know, or at least I do, that the condition for Fibromyalgia to emerge exists in many but that it takes a violent jolt that causes what I believe to be a kink in the central nervous system at or around the base of the neck. From then on in it is all down hill. Any more violent jolts like those that involve whiplash and the speed of your downward spiral will increase in speed.
My own symptoms first started within months of me having a bad accident when I was around 15 with hips and ankles and the odd back pain. Then I had a car accident around 21 or 22 that involved me head butting a windscreen. Then I had another accident some years after that at around 25 that invovled whiplash. Plus a couple of other jolts in cars with others driving that ended up in a stiff neck, the list is long.
As a result of this long list so is the list that contains my symptoms. Somewhere between a 110 to 120 when I worked through it all. I was not expecting that and would have been shocked at a couple of dozen.
I also have a pain in an area of inguinal hernia repair, hiatus hernia, oesophagitis and a buggered right knee. Spotted twice three or four years apart and diagnosed on the second spot. From both hospitals a letter stating I had a knee problem never materialised at my GP surgery at the time. Though one knew I had a buggered knee, the first one, and later quit by announcing early retirement stating she had 'had enough of the NHS'.
The ring of people that were present within the group got to hear how the long the NHS took to diagnose it and that this was first diagnosed by myself before I basically had to bribe my GP surgery to send me to Guys Hospital for confirmation after being told there was no one in the UK.
That one kicked me off for recording him and his father claiming I broke the law, which I did not and also was not a good enough reason according to the NHS' own guidelines. Oops.
I had already been kicked off the previous one for realising and stating that an ultrasound scan had been falsified and that I had recorded the specialist admitting that they had, dictating a new letter to my GP and then NEVER sending that letter. Well...he did not know I was recording him, otherwise he would have done.
However, if I ever was angy, as they stated as a reason for being kicked off their surgery, would I have not then thrown in their faces the fact that I had recorded them? But I did not.
At any time I revealed I was recording them That would have been it and I would not have got anything else out of them. Too early and I would still be ignored. There wasn't a 'too late'.
I did not want one or two things. I wanted a lot. A hell of a lot. Years of recordings of me trying to get them to diagnose and help me and them squirming and trying not to.
Sure I knew I would realise things and discover more things when I started. I never, however, ever thought I would find the things out I did and not just within the NHS but within a whole list of public services.
I had a text today to say a butterfly had been spotted. For me that is a red rag to a bull and I am just itching for some green on the bushes and trees and I want to go screaming around the place on my new bike.
Provided the weather leans in my favour I want to enjoy this years Spring, Summer and Autumn as my endeavours all speed ever faster to their intended goals.
Clear blue skies and a golden glow from the Spring sunshine enveloping my entire body is all that I crave presently. Cool breeze in my hair and the soft crunching sounds of my tyres in paces far from any roads and devoid of people. Solace is that I seek while wandering and riding the wilderness like some lone wandering warrior left to his own thoughts and devices.
The sight of Male Speckled Wood Butterflies performing their aerial combats not alerted nor caring of my presence as I gaze at their skills as they rise ever higher skyward. Laying down and relaxing while feeling the soft blades of grass bathed in sunshine long missed. Wonder how many summers I get by without being spotted by those with eyes like Eagles or whether the Bearded Reedlings finally succumb to my hunting and I get the video and photos I so long to get? The elegant Egrets and their fanciful white head feathers appearing from tall reeds and sometimes disappearing again. The colours of the banks of ponds that are flush with Marsh Orchids are longed to be seen once again along with the almost unnoticeable Bee Orchids. Not forgetting the Common Spotted Orchids and Twayblades of course.
I wonder if all my excursions have revealed everything to me or whether or not surprises lay in store?
In other areas more tools to help me with my blogs will be appearing and shown within my posts and a new...energy will emerge that will possibly thrust some blogs forwards. Time will inevitable tell.
So many opportunities will be presenting themselves this year in so many ways and from so many sources that my head is likely to spin. I believe this to be a key year and more so than that which it has already become by way of one public service caving in under pressure and giving me a fraction of the money I have lost over recent years. This is, after all, how I got my new tools and the more tools to come.
Right now its the warm spring sunshine I crave the most along with the sight of Orange Tip Butterflies and maybe the odd Brimstone Butterfly.
Roll on spring 2015.