Today I am tinkering about.
After a difficult night I did sleep for a couple of hours on my sofa and awoke around midday. I was reminded of the immediate need to tidy what is my home currently and for no better reason than to prevent self injury.
As I walked about Mad World was playing through my speakers which was very much long overdue.
My mind cast back to the previous day and echoes of yet more statements about my garden needing work and that it was about time I did it rang through my mind.
The issues I face with many a mortal man are both incessant and constant in my life outside that which is the Internet ... fortunately for not much longer ... but it still gets me down.
Coming from the one set of people I thought would understand the event and many others like them do not echo well withing the walls of that which is my own mind.
It occurs to me as I pace to and fro navigating obstacles capable of self destruction that I wonder where individuals set their boundaries. At which point does it go from being acceptable along with understanding to becoming self obsessed and not thinking of the plights of others even when they are made aware of the horrors of a discovered condition and the nightmare scenarios that this can affect your life on a very regular basis.
You talk and people like right through you. Just as Tears for Fears wrote and Gary Jules so mournfully sings.
I wonder if I had said Cancer, Multiple Sclerosis, Lupus or even Arthritis that be conditions that are more widely known, would the reactions and looking glass eyes have remained the same?
What I see are people that see me gradually go from one thing to another and think not as to the whys and still refuse to do so when given the hows.
For someone who is so happy to help others at no financial gain to his own I must say I do find this incredibly selfish in all honesty but one wonders that maybe the realisation with some may well be that the revelations of the discovered conditions and that all that I have done, been through and still manage to do do not reflect well on themselves?
Possibly this fails to be a realisation with others to?
Myself I have terrible guilt of doing anything bad or anything selfish and these values that have been my personality for so very long are also lost on others. Pacing back and forth placing small and intricate items such as screws and other bits into small compartments in an attempt to slowly clean and tidy my home and still dreaming of a cleaner to help I wonder much. My personality is one with a strong tendency to do the heroic thing, the moral thing no matter what. This has been with me a very long time and if you ask me why I am not sure I could give an answer. Still, better than the opposite, eh?
Though one is reminded but needs not be that the many are not deserving of help because they simply fail to appreciate as they want their pouds of flesh but then expect far too much for free. Whenever I am entering into a relationship of any kind I am naturally helpful for many reasons but one that I do not divulge.
Better to lose a little bit now and realise they are unworthy than lose a great deal over time and be bitter.
But I still write in this blog. Because there is a lesson that I have the most out there theories that people need and this is certainly true of many citizens that live in my country. Because I rarely see much of that which I myself do without thought to myself. Be generous and helpful of course is what I am alluding to. I do see it. Once in awhile but far too little and it is generally acts of tokenism or to give out false impressions as the greater the distance between the benefactor and the giver seems to cause a gradual dilution of any possible help that may be forthcoming. The rest just say no.
I often think that I am pleased that my grandmother and my father are no longer around to see certain things that have occured in recent times, both the shocking revelations in the news and of those much closer to home. My grandmother would have had a breakdown over what Rolf Harris did that much I can tell you and the rest of the revelations would have had her launch her TV set out of her window at disgust with the BBC. Those closer to home would have been too much to take.
As mad as this sounds my selfish side longs for the four people that have passed that I could talk to and did understand things be they relatives or, in the case of Old Ken, not. The selfish thing to say is that I wish to God they were here but I know they would become despondent over mankind at the things being divulged on a daily basis that would have us all speaking of the things still yet to be discovered.
Then there would be the fear and the theory that the corruption has gone on for so long that not only does anyone, well mostly, not appear to want to do anything about it that it is becoming an acceptable part of life!
Hmm this actually recalls another name who is fortunate to not be here to witness what has been going on and that would be H.G. Wells.
His books may be science fiction, until the time that may come that it becomes science fact, but his two most famous depict a human race in collapse. One in which this is down to an alien race whereby the human race work together and once again with the war. The other whereby they just war with each other until a time when the Eloy exist that seem calm and peaceful and without the tendencies that drive man into a path of self destruction by causing their worst enemy to lay waste to them and vice-versa.
One wonders whether the errors of such faults would ever hit a home run?
Are men worthy? Are people worthy?
They speak as if they are but act otherwise and this is what I have been leading to for many, many years now and long before this blog even started up. Indeed this blog was intended for a long time in one form or another but faced delay after delay and even when I could and for legal reasons and reasons of saving lives I never received credit for was delayed yet again so that they could do there jobs without issue.
At the two year point in the life of this blog I find myself at the same precipice. Almost as if intended as it soon comes around in full circle?
But there is a point I wanted to get at for a very, very long time and it is this ...
People may seem unworthy on the face of it and no selfless acts are very rare and I do see this in what seems to me to be like 90% of the populace and this is evenly spread across the broad spectrum of society. It does not alter because of titles or indeed letters after their name. Striving and achieving said letters is not going to convince intelligent people that you are something you are not, it is that simple.
Rolf Harris has just proved this beyond any doubt whatsoever and two not one but two whole nations of the United Kingdom and his native Australia of course.
So with such a dim view along with outlook for such things do I do what I do?
Simply because it is the right and honourable thing to do.
I am kind of hoping it just might catch on?
I also like to think this is the spirit of man, even though it appears lost?
Maybe ... just maybe and before very long I will no longer live a life of people looking right through me?
Now if you would please excuse me I must get back to getting my house in order.