Tuesday 20 May 2014

THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL

I have just been doing some overdue kitchen cleaning and washing up. While doing this I was listening to music and when it comes to music I like things that make me think usually by way of forcing feelings.

At times this can be goosebumps, hairs on the back of my neck standing to attention and even the odd tear.

While working away the music playing was a set of the most veangeful type of music that I like most of all!

I was thinking while working away that what is it and how is it that Fibromyalgia does that can make us get into such a state over things we hate the most? When I moved into my home I used to keep it minimalistic and clean and yes it was hard for me to do but I did it. A friend's wife told me I was the cleanest guy she had ever met, no kidding!

Not seen her efor several years but anyone who had been in here in the last few years would burst out laughing that a woman had stated that.

The one thing I know is that any amount of work that gets forgotten and builds up a little too much becomes like that of a mountain to us, I am assuming all Fibromyalgia sufferes respond the same way as its a very common thing for us. It builds up if we are rushed, stressed or just plain busy as when the time comes that you would normally get things done, when you get home, Fibromyalgia sufferes are ... well buggered for want of a better term.

When you do end up finding the time, energy and remember it needs to be done its like wading though waste deep treacle ... until a point! There is a point when you suddenly see the light at the end of a tunnel when it comes to doing the most mundane things and suddenly it does not seem that hard anymore despite the pains and exhaustion!

Well that is until you take a break and walk into another room and realise you have to do that one as well?! LMAO! And so on and so forth!

I still think about how that Doctor, I cannot remember his name annoyingly, asked about who I lived with and it was such a relief to here a question asked that meant something. He seemed genuinely surprised of how I managed to cope, though looking at m house sometimes I am not so sure thats true, and how I managed to do all the things that people with my condition are urged to do.

That was a lttle fun part for me and I smiled internally. This is because all the questions of 'Well if you have this wrong with you how come you do this and how come you do that?' Well I not only state dthis over and over sometimes several times to the same individuals this Doctor basically told me word for word that was why I did what I did.

'You have managed on your own quite well and have somehow maneged to do all the things one with Fibromyalgia would be encuraged to do.'

On but a very short space of time and with the help of this blog along with my computer skills, gadget skills and a handful of gadgets I have managed to achieve things most people never ever do!

For I wonder how many people lived their lives not knowing what was wrong with them or with partners or loved ones? In fact my story involves this apsect too! This is because I am certain and have been for awhile that both my father and grandmother suffered with it. Unfortunately I was not around my uncle much over the years and am not aware if he had any ailments, or aches and pains.

Maybe one day and before long I will see my cousins again in a group and be able to ask them if they remember anything?

After all both these family members died suddenly and with similar things occuring in the year before they died.

Now I bring you tho the fact that this Doctor seemed to be trying to impress upon me the importance of keeping moving lke I have been doing but not too much. After all this is a condition whereby the brain does not perofrm the necassary house cleaning of both mind and body it needs to do and I can only imagine this is not good when your older? Unless you have been very fit all that time!

My father was not an active guy and my grandmother always got exhausted more and more rapidly and of course if you paid attention she was diagnosed with something she did not have, asthma, and given a shed load of inhalers that made her look terrible afterwards and then died a few months later out of the blue.

So yes you can now say that I had no one but two family members that died without any of us knowing, me included, what was wrong. My Uncle died suddenly too and was a real shock when I was told. In fact despite the discussion and doubting about my own condition within my family they forgot that after my father died I was nagged, for want of a better term, to get checked out by Doctors due to my grandmother and father and with me being the next in line.

I got moaned at because I was not working towards this though I had mentioned it to Doctors who really did nothing in the way of tests. However and without even realising it I was working on their conditions all along!

I can tell you that there are many things I have wondered about Fibromyalgia since I realised I had it and this will only increase now I know for sure that I do. I did state to the Doc that I do tend to sometimes ... see things that surprise even myself, and a lecturer or three. I need to put them down in s series of notes each time I see some possibility or link and then work on something to elaborate on the list I end up making.

Of course this is down to remembering those thoughts and then remembering to place them upon the lilst?! I have enough trouble doing that with a fecking shopping list!! LOL!

Onwards and upwards, though occasionally sideways if the public services are involved! Lol!

Still, I think any idiot would now see that I have managed to simultaneously cut off their escape routes permanently!

Now that might be a good time to just do a little recap here, just to assure you the readers that no I do not miss anything and no, it is not over just yet. Well it is they just do not know it.

I do still have the little matter of the GMC, NHS ENgland and of course that other little matter with the PHSO, or Parliamentary Health Services Ombudsman. Because just like the mistake tha the commenter made I called Dwayne Dibley made, they did ask my how much money I wanted and there are three things to point out about this right here and right now.


  • I made an application for PIPS before I received my diagnosis!
  • Hence why Enfield Council forced my hand a little early!
  • There remains the matter of the letter to the GP to which I am very eager to see and get a copy of...
  • Either way I WIN! (make absolutely no mistake on this point!)
  • I am currently expecting, hoping, for a refusal of PIPS?! ;)
  • The fact that there has been a mysterious delay to both my medical records and possible delay to this letter only goes in my favour!
  • Odd how they fail to realise how I am fully able to see every eventuality before they perform it!
  • The only person who could have realiseed what I had done, but he has not seen the blog, is the current GP and I doubt he informed the NHS/DWP and Government they were being tricked! Lol!
No of course I did not forget and of course I took nothing for granted. I feel safe to be able to say this now as I am sure that any letters would have been sent off by now. I have kind of held back on a 'full disclosure' to allow time for those who suffer with delusions of grandeur to strike yet again. If indeed they intended to but I like to think that they will not now, realsing that due to the contents of this blog this would be totally foolhardy!

Any attempt to alter the medical notes, AGAIN, would be stupid because I have a copy on here. An attempt to alter anything else would also be folly and in all honesty and done at this moment in time would be the absolute worst time i the world for them to do that!

So you see despite all that I have provided before by way of letters, scree shots, emails and audio recordings I was fully intending to reach precisely this point from day one! I also fully intended to apply for the support I should have been receiving of that which was taken away from me and many others unfiarly so that a decision would be made JUST PRIOR to my diagnosis!

This would make them appear at their most worse along with mist guilty ay just the right time! Right oion top of me proving once again that I was right yet again! But then this happens either way, lol.

Hmm now you would think would you not that I would have to be pretty damned sure of myself to attempt something on this scale?!

Yeah well I did keep putting messages for them throughout this blog that if they thought themselves too big an organisation for me to beat, well they were wrong and I fully intended to show them that by showing them just who else I have also beaten along the way!

Now what is it I keep telling them in my correspondences that I fully know they will not do?

They really should read this blog! Each and every one of them! LMFAO!

But will the song remain the same?

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