This is the one thing that we have that actually turns out to be both a gift and a curse and that ... my friends is a memory.
Explaining why it is a gift is absolutely pointless but explaining why it is a curse might not be. When someone goes through a deeply traumatic period of their life they have to face years of possible triggers that can bring that pain flooding back. If a distant one or mildly traumatic this may well be not too difficult a thing to endure but to others that had trauma more recent, extremely bad or god forbid BOTH this is not so easy.
If you add in the level of frequency or in other words a number of traumatic experiences that this pain is increased exponentially!
For victims of abuse that have found the strength to come out in light of the Jimmy Savile revelations god only knows what they felt when the their personal traumas must have come flooding back every time they see the BBC logo?! The BBC also did me and my family a severe injury around 8 years ago and for me personally it still causes some pain. I might have fought for some kind of justice but, and I am not going to so MY but, in OUR experiences and for twenty years there is not any justice in the UK any longer.
Tonight, and as mentioned in my last post, I spent the early evening listening to LBC Radio talk about Abu Hamza and that the Court of Human Rights has overturned a ruling to send him to Jordan. Some people called in to praise this country and its legal system stating that we lead the world and would fail to do so if we sent this animal on a plane to Jordan and ignored this ruling. How odd they sound to me and how utterly laughable their statements are.
I remember wishing I could get them to read this entire blog and scanned documents and then listen to audio and then ask them at the end if they still felt the same way. Could it be, it is radio after all, that these callers belonged to some kind of faction whereby they have benefited from the complete ass that the law has become in the UK?
It made me realise I have much farther to go if I a to get my message across to all and get them to see the world for what it really is?
What makes it all worse when you have had a series of injustice are these memory triggers and before long, when blind eyes and ignorance runs rife, these triggers seem to be everywhere. They make every waking moment a complete hell and this often degrades into periods where you can only see one way of making it stop. So your in a world where no one listens nor understands, I will not even mention the sympathy word, even when you are at the point of no return on self destruction. Beyond that the mind kind of closes down and enters into a kind of 'sleep mode'. Even mundane and simple daily chores become unbearable even doing something simple like cleaning your teeth! Socialising becomes impossible even with members of your own family and each waking morning when the first photons of light hit your retinas you are immediately sorry you woke up at all, praying that death would visit you in the night so that the pain would not return to haunt you the next morning.
Television has become the mainstay form of media and entertainment across the world and yet to me this is the one thing that has become ... sinister accompanied with double standards and questionable actions and this even includes the news media. Once thought to be the industry to go to when all else fails it now shows itself to be one of the biggest perpetrators of all! Oddly and when the Public Enquiry into the Murdoch's news groups came about a number of other national newspapers went wild with their headlines and shown on the BBC News 24's coverage of the front pages of the following days tabloids. I remember thinking as these were read out several night in a row 'well yes mate, but let us wait and see how many of you are actually guilty of all this?!'
The answer to that question is many and I was aware this would come like I have so many other things by their very nature and their behaviour. This includes to not only many members of the public, very easy to see, but also in my own personal experiences.
You see I sent them the FOUR DVDs of my evidence in the post with some follow up emails as I was also testing them. They have not fared very well if I am to be honest but not really that much of a surprise either and I had back-up plans all along. That WAS and IS this blog which was always in my mind and i should state that it was PART of the back-up plans and more are worked on all the time, away from these pages, while new ones and ideas present themselves.
You see most of that I have been speaking of did indeed happen to me and so I speak from a set of very unique experiences. So many and so extreme that many have thought and still think I should not be alive and I probably should not be...
But I came through all that and out the other side were thousands of others would not have been able to do it and this is recognised in those that know me. However WHEN I came out of the other side I came out wanting to fight and wanting retribution and so I had to formulate ideas and plans. I was not blessed with money and nor was any available to me from any source but I was not about to let this stop me in my goals, oh no. I would find a way somehow and somewhere ad it just so happens that in these places I discovered things to which I became suspicious and then dug a little done some research and discovered more corruption! I thought 'well, what the hell?! I am working against corruption so wherever it rears its ugly head it may as well be included regardless of the magnitude?!' so I did. An example of that is my faulty and used phone from Very catalogue and the phone was needed for not only emergencies (I live alone with several physical problems and that situation with my daughter and her crazy amoral mother) but also to acquire evidence. I also needed it to access the Internet and it is this phone I am using right now! Well it does it for the most part but I do lose connections now and then ... oh and lo and behold I have lost the connection right now!! I will have to remember to copy this now as I have lost many log posts I have typed out due to this happening. The telecoms companies are no bloody better and it seems lately that we are expected to accept that being lied to and cheated is the way life is today. Well you can fuck off if you think like that and I would challenge anyone to say that to my face and I will let them know my true feelings on this.
Constant bombardment like this turns into rabid animals with our own sets of canine ready to tear the flesh from our enemies and seeing the red mist descend around us when these triggers set you off.
Then after being turned into the animals they have toe fucking audacity to then accuse us of being like that and blaming us when it is them that turned us into these things?!
Well that was their plan, however this has not turned out with me as they had wanted it to. I am something uniquely different, as my late friend Ken was always telling me. I am an unknown quantity and this is true as I have long since had a plan and have long since been putting this into practise.
I am still planning and doing things all the time and it will be around 4 months before I am finally finished, at a wild guess. Indeed one was put into action and i am now working on another one but this one will be worked on for some time before it is ready to put into place. I have to kind of train myself and this training will take around forty days. After that I can then set things in place and then this will take a couple of months to achieve.
It would not be prudent to state what this is right now but is something I should have done a very long time ago... still, better late than never, eh?
Ahh connection back!! LMAO!
So my two worst enemies are the human memory and nerve endings!