Well other than a glimmer of hope I had in the form of an unexpected email in the last 24 hours i cannot help but think of the words in the title over and over.
It is a ten minute walk to a friends shop not far from here which is about the only place that I myself can get to to socialise at all.
One thing I have noted for a number of weeks right here in Enfield is that weekdays, regardless of which day it is, for the vast majority of the time seem like a Christmas morning. The roads are often deserted and it is very common for me to reach the kerbside of a main road I need to cross and i am actually able to continue on without pause and get to the other side?!
This happens around 70 to 80 percent of the time to my astonishment and even three years ago this was not possible. I often recall stories my my grandparents complaining about how many cars there are on the road at the time and telling anecdotes of empty streets where kids could play and do whatever they want without fear of an approaching car. At the rate it has been going for the last couple of months this could well be the case around here come January 2013?!
Another subject we touch on is how bad it is going to get and how many people you speak to cannot see how the country will survive at all and how it will be when we are old?! With my physical abilities slowly deteriorating like they have for 12 years now this may be more apparent to me than anyone.
Despite all my knowledge and all my abilities I struggle to find a way round this and the idea behind this blog, well a month after I started it that is, I found that this may well be a way round it, albeit indirectly.
Getting my message and the facts over to as many people as I can and even if disregarded that it may well be that something being read, heard or seen somewhere that may invoke memories of something they have seen, read or indeed heard right here.
If I can show that I was just someone who tried to stand tall and make a stand and that the more people that were aware of the facts the taller we then stand TOGETHER.
I was visited by my stressed out mother who is always stressed out about the situation her family is in and despite my thoughts and feelings on this I stated that there is only one way out of this. She seems to come across that being allowed to complain about problems then solves them but they do not. Actions solve problems, not crying and I have done enough of mostly everything in my life.
It is these horrors, tortures and experiences that have made me what I have become today. I am a bi-product of a corrupt system and I like to think I am the right person on the right situation at just about the right time.
I think I mentioned once before that my mother got talking to a chap, called Martino funnily enough, in Lea Valley Park where I often visit to get photos and videos of rare wildlife. This is something my mother has done for years and will stop and speak to a complete stranger as if everyone in the world is decent and has time to listen to her tales of woe.
This chap turned out to believe in God and as we got talking I was then deserted by the two members of my family as our conversations turned to philosophy as well as religion. Of course some of the subjects of this blog came up and that of my daughter and the radicalised Muslims. He hard what I had to say and knew I was not religious in any way or form. He then stood in front of me and looked at me before he said the following...
'You are a warrior of God!'
I replied that he was off the wall and reminded him that I am not religious despite my beliefs against common decency towards my fellow man. I stated that I did not need religion to teach me morals and believed that is how religion came about in the first place, to achieve some kind of order and make sense of the world.
'You are most definitely a warrior of God and it matters not that you are not religious!'
Now feeling like I was being filmed for a scene in The Mummy Returns, yes OK I see a great deal of films but who doesn't?
I then simply said 'well if I am I could do with a little help!'
Those that meet me and listen to me are often taken aback at my personality, beliefs and views of the world. Many suggestions and beliefs about who I WAS, who I am and what I can do and what I will achieve or SHOULD do have been somewhat fantastical to say the least and from people who ARE very sane.
They obviously see something I do not. They want me to achieve things I do not...
...I am merely a teacher. A messenger. Someone enabled with a unique insight and ability to see the wood for the trees, that is all.
Me personally I have always believed that it is the unique, no matter how horrific, the experiences I have had that have made my life to this point such an arduous journey that has gifted, though I think more a curse, of what I am above to do to this day. Nothing more and nothing less.
But time and time again I am viewed as some kind of saviour, well if I can achieve that in my posts here then great. But I am only human and just as much as the next man. I am not perfect and I do not nor never have claimed to be. I just see things for what they are and have done since a teenager. I am not bespectacled with Rose-Tinted Glasses and just can see things for what they are.
Though I seem to be cursed with this ability I would never have been arrogant to merely speak of these things on a blog without some form of proof to back up what i have been stating. In all the postings and whatever there is to come I hope that my statements have come across as facts and in the case whereby I cannot state them as fact they come across as my beliefs from my best estimated guesses, no matter how ingenious they may appear to some.
Despite my sounding like the Harbinger of Death too the one thing that people around me have come to realise is that I have only predicted these horror events and that had the world been a nicer and brighter place to live in my predictions would also match them but we do not. So no longer seen or morbid and verbose instead seen as someone who can aid them and give warning. Some of those I have known would come to me before anyone else to ask advice or my opinion about absolutely anything.
In fact had I charged for the service I would be a wealthy man right now but I am not. Yes it is nice to be able to make a half decent living and buy my own home so that I can not only relax but do many things i have only dreamed of doing. More importantly I could do so much more than I am currently able to do, indeed much more than I could ever achieve on here that is for sure.
It is merely forethought. Good planning and seeing the obstacles before they arise, something that the UK government are NOT very good at doing very well. If indeed at all.
But I am not one to shy away from doing what is right and I never have so whenever I have to I will stand tall against all corruption and all evil, that IS my nature!
I stated early on in my postings that my daughter cried over the phone several times while telling me she was proud to have a father like me...
...I CRIED TOO!! Just do not tell anyone!
I only hope that in time you will understand me and my postings and understand why she said what she did.
After all what is the point and therefore the very meaning and fabric of life if you cannot bring light into the darkest corners of a life tainted the way my daughter's has been....
Or that of anyone affected in this way.
Food for thought.